Why Syl Hates Christmas

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I don’t know if I want to title this story “How I spent my Christmas Vacation” or “Why Syl Hates Christmas” or “The Gift that Keeps on Giving”. Please read on and help me out. This story actually started many years ago. Sylvio’s ex-wife Richelle invited Denise and me to a silent auction in Haddon Heights. It was for the benefit of the Haddon Heights Ballet Company and was held in the home of one of her rich friends. Spread throughout the house were paintings, sculptures, prints and drawings, all donate by local artists. As we walked around the house eating hors d’oeuvres and sipping wine, I was also busy writing Sly’s name under a couple dozen pieces of art. At the end of the night, Syl had been outbid on all the items except one. He was shocked when they called his name. Syl was the high bidder on a small sculpture that I would best describe as bizarre. The sculpture was of a human hand, palm up, with fingers spread apart on a rocky base. It was about five inches high, seven inches wide and seven inches deep. It was not anatomically correct but it was definitely a hand. Oh yeah, it was dark blue with streaks of gold. A truly bizarre piece. Syl got the joke. I…show more content…
Syl told me that when he opened the Christmas present, he unwrapped the box with The Hand in it but never opened the box. The box was in such pristine condition that he assumed that it contained a brand new outdoor spotlight fixture. He thought, “Why is he sending me a spotlight fixture?” and then passed it off as between the two of us we have sent each other some strange shit on Christmas. Once I sent him a copy of “Gone With the Wind” that was hollowed out to hold a handgun. I figured that every house in the South should have a copy of “Gone With the Wind” and every house in the South already has a gun. Oh yeah, I need to tell you that Syl and Ronda live in a house that is not quite in the Deep South and is not quite a plantation but is close to being

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