Essay on Why we Should Love the Non Lover

As an adult people with dismissive avoidant attachment have the tendency to emotionally distance themselves from their partner. They deny the importance of loved ones and detach easily from them. They can shut down emotionally and are able to turn off their feelings.

Love is unique in its striking ability to be a driving force in dictating interpersonal relationships. It patterns behavior and orients individuals towards their distinct, unique attractions. According to Velleman, love penetrates deeper than one’s qualities; it extends to one’s rational will, or the essence of a person. To him, though love appears to have particularity, it is also a moral emotion. Kolodny subscribes to the relationship theory, asserting that an ongoing, interpersonal, and historical relationship with a relative is a part of the reason for love. In Kolodny’s view, the existence of the true self is irrelevant, as is the morality of love. Both Velleman and Kolodny disprove the quality theory; however, their perceptions of love and its morality differ. I believe that Kolodny is correct in his view that morality is irrelevant to love and that there must be factual reasons for love. Although it is enticing to believe that one is attracted to the essence of another, the essence is not motivation enough for love. The relationship theory takes into account the motivation needed to love a particular person from a historical, interpersonal, and ongoing perspective.

When one looks at romantic love, one would conclude that it is a social dyad that brings about certain responsibilities between two people in a relationship such as honesty, protection, openness and expressions of love. (William, 2008: 76). Contrasting with

    Loving one that loves one back is an easy task to accomplish, but loving them without them loving one back is a degrading, embarrassing task and only the bold, courageous, and madly in love people would do such things. The following passage was extracted

When people are in love it blinds them from consequences that can change their lives for example when daisy hits Myrtle and Gatsby says “Was daisy driving.’

If love longs to possess the good there are two possibilities, either man can come to possess the good or it can not. Now the good itself, the form of the good stands outside of the realm of human existence, it is not possible for men to see the form of the good. This can be derived from the worst

The three prototypes explored are avoidant, anxious-ambivalent, and secure attachments which describes how partners will behave in close relationships and how caring and supportive each individual is within their relationship. Avoidant attached individuals are withdrawn from relationships and untrustworthy of others. Anxious-Ambivalent individuals worry often about their partner’s needs being fulfilled as well as theirs and analyze if they’re moving too fast in the relationship when compared to their partner. Secured individuals are completely trustworthy of their partner and confident in their feelings and

     My discourse has shown that this is, of all inspirations, the best and of the highest origin to him who has it or who shares in this madness, is called a lover (483).

The ‘love’ in their situation could also be said not to be love at all

Love has many different meanings to different people. For a child, love is what he or she feels for his mommy and daddy. To teenage boy, love is what he should feel for his girlfriend of the moment, only because she says she loves him. But as we get older and "wiser," love becomes more and more confusing. Along with poets and philosophers, people have been trying to answer that age-old question for centuries: What is love?

We only call a certain category of those in love, lovers (Symposium 7) and in contrast with what Aristophanes had said about lovers being in search of their other half, Diotima argues that lovers love what is good. After all, the aim of loving beautiful and good things, of course, is to possess them, because the possession of beautiful and good things is wisdom and with wisdom comes happiness and happiness is deep-down what everyone is ultimately in pursuit of.

Another point for Peck is that love is not dependency. He defines dependency as “the inability to experience wholeness or to function adequately without the certainty that one is being actively cared for by another” (Peck 98). For Peck, people of passive dependency lack self-discipline and cling to withering relationships for the sake of attachment. They spend so much energy in seeking others to love them that they have none to love others. In this, dependency is a form of antilove, is only one-sided, and does not foster growth.

Love is difficult to define, difficult to measure, and difficult to understand. Love is what great writers write about, great singers sing about, and great philosophers ponder. Love is a powerful emotion, for which there is no wrong definition, for it suits each and every person differently. Whether love is between family, friends, or lovers, it is an overwhelming emotion that can be experienced in many different ways.

In other times, we may be thrown off. What we think could be considered love may not actually be love.

“The Iranian government sees trans and homosexual individuals as people with psychosexual problems, and so provide them with a medical solution”(Neha Thirani Bagri, An Uncomfortable Truth, qz). People around the world do not get the rights they deserve because the government influences and limits people's actions. Nobody should be living in fear, feel held back, or discriminated against because of their sex, race, religion or sexual orientation. Everyone should be given the right of protection, be treated with respect, and not have to live in fear because of who they are.