My friends satire essay for AP English. This is literally one of the funniest thing I have ever read.
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Cars are a fantastic invention. They make our first-world lives even more carefree by
getting us from place to place quickly while eradicating the need for legs altogether. Instead of
walking…show more content… The sweat, while passing through the pores, carries the oils out and
allows the body to produce more gold. That’s right – the sweat of the homeless is an endless
fountain of resources; resources that can run your car just as well as gasoline.
So it looks like all that needs to be done is to get the homeless people sweating. How can
we convince the homeless to live a life consisting of physical labor and sweat? Well, what do
homeless people need more than anything? That’s right: a job. The reason they are in their
predicament is because of their inability to work or their inability to hold down a job. What are
we asking in return to supply the homeless people a place to live? A job. What job will this
massive population of homeless people perform? Physical activity. Physical activity is an
incredibly broad field that includes thousands of opportunities for one to get sweating. The
activity doesn’t necessarily need to be physical, either: nearly any action on the planet can be
performed at a level that will make you sweat; sitting in a chair playing on a computer can
produce some homeless liquid gold if the environment is intense enough.
Okay, it is easy enough to get the homeless people to secrete their sweet, salty fuel. But
the homeless are