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You Don T Have To Say You Love Me Analysis

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It is an undeniable truth children do not get to choose their parents, though, sometimes they may wish to. In his memoir writer Sherman Alexie explores the difficult childhood he had growing up on the Spokane Indian Reservation, and the guilt he felt about leaving. Told through prose and verse, You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me is a heartbreaking memoir about Alexie’s relationship with his mother; her cruelty, complexity and complicated love. During the course of the memoir Alexie looks into the past to try and make sense of his complicated relationship with his mother, Lillian. He also tries to make sense of his life after her death. He explains what it was like growing up on the Spokane Indian Reservation in Wellpinit, Washington. Both …show more content…

She was cold, distant and negligent as a mother. Alexie and his mother even went three years without speaking to each other, despite living under the same roof. In addition, one of the stories Alexie’s tells is when he was a kid and was shot at with a pellet gun. When he went to explain to his mother what a boy had done to him, his mother only told him he took things too seriously. Years later, Alexie confronted his mother about what had happened. His mother denied anything had happened, and stated that in any case the person who had done that to him was now in jail. He also recalled his mother had tortured and killed a cat as a child. He wondered, “Who does shit like that? Who can be that cruel? / It was my mother // That’s who” (Alexie 41). So, while his mother was on the verge of dying, instead of doing more, he asked his brother to install a bigger door so sisters would not struggle to take his mother to the bathroom. He goes on, “But, wait, what exactly should I have done? // I don’t know, not exactly but I’m inexactly / Ashamed that I was, until the end, a bitter son” (Alexie 49). Ultimately, while Alexie tries to forgive his mother for all she put him through, it proves very difficult for him to do …show more content…

He admits, he assumed he would be free of his mother when she died (Alexie 108). However, that did not happen. He explains how his mother follows him everywhere he goes. He wrote, “She really did loom...large for me. And she looked that large in our tribe. She was widely intelligent, arrogant, opinionated, intimidating, and generous with her time and spirit. She was a contradictory person. She was, all by herself, an entire tribe of contradictions” (Alexie 88). Since his mother was so important to Alexie and he did not get closure after her death, it is even harder for him to deal with the grief he feels. Alexie often repeats some of the conversations he had with his mother; he also repeats several lines. He explains, “Grief is repetitive” (Alexie 325). Near the end of the memoir, Alexie seems to begin to accept things happened the way they did, and there is no way to change the past. He moves past the anger he felt about his mother and begins to sympathize with the difficult childhood she had. He told his mother he loved her before she died, and received some closure. He does feel guilt over not being there when his mother died, however he is able to move past it as his mother was surrounded by those she loved when she died. He admits, “My grieving will end, but I’m always / Relearning how to be human again” (Alexie 454). Ultimately, while Alexie struggles with the loss of his mother, he begins to cope with her loss

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