You Know That Child On The Playground

Now throughout my life, being the oldest son, and brother I have always felt that I needed to set the example for the rest of my family. I’ve felt that I needed to be the pillar of strength to carry my family, my parents always made me believe that if I was strong then everyone else around me would benefit. Emotionally as a child I felt shut off from the world because I would be struck/scowled for crying, or even if I’d show the slightest bit of what my parent’s called “overconfidence”, which is basically any type of trying to feel good about my accomplishments in any form. But of course I was always expected to perform at the peak and be above everyone. For this type of upbringing I was “isolated” from the rest of my peers, emotionally detached, and felt as if I was an unwanted enigma. As it says in “Mirrorings” on page 729, “I felt that I was the only one walking about in the world who understood what was really important.”

Context: I was observing one child playing on the playground at the Brookville Center for Children’s Services. The child was female, and her name was Vanessa. She is three years old and is very energetic. During my observation, I noticed her interacting with another child at the daycare. The other child was male and one year older. Both students were taking turns climbing up the ladder to slide down the playground slide.

Subsequently, I myself am of course judged by superficial people in this society. From elementary to the present, people have categorized me as the quiet girl. Even teachers think I’m quiet. In actuality, I am only observing what surrounds me, and thinking about my current predicaments. When I was 6 and a half my mother lost custody of me, I was put into foster care for a year. I left Euclid. My hometown where all my friends lived, all my family, I left everything behind, I moved to

Since coming to America, I have moved to an ample amount of places because my father’s job concerns. I changed school frequently and in each new school I was never greeted with a warm welcome. With one glance my classmates saw I was different from them. I was often bullied and teased because of my racial difference from my classmates, from these experiences I became a quiet and docile girl. This way I thought I would not get in anyone’s way. I had closed up in the world in front of me; I never expressed my own opinions and always agreed with the majority. However secretly inside of me, I was frustrated not being able to express myself and yet I was unable to change. I craved to be what I was in the inside to be on the outside. Still by

I pride myself in my open mindedness and the ability to be myself even if the people around me are different and might judge me. Since I was young, I have always been a follower because of the strong influences around me. Even though it’s a small town, everyone had their own unique talent and was set in life. I tried to be exactly like people I looked to. Soon I started to realize the people I looked up to didn’t think like I did, and they weren’t interested in the things I was. I still looked up to these people, but I started to stop trying to be like them and be myself. The first time I realized the beauty of individuality, was when I met my best friend. We were complete opposites and didn’t get along at first. She was different much than people I had met before and it made me want to get to know her. I realized how much I tried being like others when she would criticize for acting different around people I thought were cool. I soon started be myself more even if for the moment it was only around her. We grew closer and we both helped each other come out of our shell. I wouldn’t think of going back to change meeting the girl who I call my best friend and knows everything about me. Another big moment in my quest who acceptance is something is that destroyed me, and it felt like the worst year of my life. My mom and I are very alike, but during this year of torment; it felt like my mom and I were constantly fighting. We were fighting over such trivial things and so often that I was sent into a spiral of depression. I wasn’t as open and didn’t want to be myself. I wanted to be someone else. On New Years I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I broke down crying while at a weekend camp. After that I took a step back from

Due to my environment, as an adolescent I longed for acceptance in a society where I didn’t feel free. I used my mental capacity to place me in

When I was seven years old, my mother died of a drug overdose and my father went to prison for nine months. I always lived with my grandma and grandpa and they pushed me to excel in everything I did. They pushed me because they knew I began to comprehend that I was living in a drug filled house and community. They wanted more for me. When I was nine years old, my dad also died of a drug overdose. I was devastated. I felt like an orphan and I felt like an outcast. From then on, people in my community had awful opinions about myself, as well as my family. I made a pact that I was going to push past everyone's preconceived expectations for me and be the absolute best version of myself. As the years went on, I started to revolve my life around

As a little girl, I was the child who would never let go of my parents. If anyone ever glanced over at me they would catch me either wrapping my whole body around my Mom's legs or begging my Dad to pick me up and hold me. Even worse, if any adults dare took the chance to come over and talk to me I would hide my face, thinking they couldn’t see me so I would never have to talk to anyone. I was shy. Simple as that, talking to people was something I feared the most.

All around the world there are overweight kids who get picked on daily. On January 9, 2007 I weighed 322 pounds, at the age of 14. Life to me was all about being an all American by eating cheeseburgers from fast food restaurants and maintaining good grades. Good grades allowed me to receive money from my parents, where I would go purchase burgers every day after school. During physical education I was never chosen to be on anyone’s teams because I was considered slow and dead weight. No one wanted to be friends with the boy everyone called “grease ball “. I was being criticized in every way and form.

Unlike many students, my first year of schooling was undertaken at home, rather than amongst my peers. My subsequent years of schooling were spent in a normal classroom environment; however, I often felt that this year at home, which was characterized by much less interaction with peers than I would have had if I was enrolled in traditional schooling, had left me at a social disadvantage, or slightly behind other children in terms of my level of socialization. I was much shyer than the other children who had already developed groups, friendships, who were much more adept at interacting amongst each other, and generally seemed more outgoing than myself. I often felt like an outsider, with feelings of self-consciousness and a lack of

Question: Did your body image in grade 9 change and affect who you are in grade 11?

Ever since third grade, I was different from the other kids in the classroom. The other kids always teased me and called me names like, “Nerd!”, and “Smarty-pants” because I was the youngest one in the grade. This torment continued to haunt me through all the schools that I went to. In school, I was anti-social because of my gap that separated me from my peers. This seemed like a barrier that I couldn’t face, and I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I wasn’t determined, or if I had great friends that helped me along the way.

Ever since I can remember, I have always been the odd one out; or at least it always felt like I was in my own distinct universe. All the way until my Freshman year of High School, very little, with the exception of school, had my even remote interest. While other children my age would pass the day playing sports, or having a social life, I would shy away from all forms of interaction. However, it is not that I did not want attention, it was just that I did not see the point in focusing on something other than the important things in life. It would be years later in my first year of high school that I learned the importance of all aspects of life, from academics to social interactions. Regardless of how long it took for me to figure out my place in this world, my quest to reveal my true identity has only just

During middle school, I used to always get made fun for everything, especially my grades, they used to get called a nerd. But for some reason, everybody wanted the answers to the homework that was due and help on a quiz or test whenever they were stuck. I used to feel very bad of myself because I thought I would never fit in with “cool kids” who just asked me for answers. This made me less confident and have low-self-esteem because I didn’t have any real friends. I triumphed and fought my very hardest to focus on my success and growth. I faced many challenges while doing this, for example my favorite teacher had passed away, I was going through a lot with my family and I didn’t really have friends. It was during these struggles

Not only did I lose confidence in myself, but I lost my ability to stick up for myself. I remember countless times I would finally acquire the courage and confidence to say or do something, but as soon as I would take action, someone would wreck my short-lived moment of confidence by deprecating me. People could walk all over me, and I wouldn’t do anything about it. As an easy target, they knew I would never stick up for myself, because I wanted to create peace and please everyone. Never creating conflicts and having everyone’s friendship are all I had concern for. Little did I know, I belittled myself, making myself seem so insignificant, as if I were just a speck, allowing everyone to shine but