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Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

Though fulfilling love, happiness and trust in a relationship can be comforting, couples often are unsuccessful in finding or keeping the love that their relationship need; even if issues may interfere within the relationship, couples should find a way in working through their problems. Once a couple's happiness, trust and love have been fulfilled, they can experience unconditional love. Although they would need to make every possible step to heal their relationship, if and when their relationship breaks down, there is still much they can learn. With this stated this idea holds opposing views among the two females in A Secret Sorrow and "A Sorrowful Woman."

The methods in which men and women communicate are eminently different. This being so, their external state is an indicator of their inner state, but men and women have different external states to express themselves. This is especially evident among children and individuals in relationships, and altered between a couple who tries to adjust their behavior. Deborah Tannen, the author of “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” argues that boys are girls are taught to have a differ inner state, that males and females usually have the same inner state but express them differently when communicating, and that individuals in romantic relationships can alter the way they present their outer state to represent their inner state in a way their partner can relate to.

Tannen effectively opens with an anecdote about how she was at a gathering for a women’s group and men were invited. She talks about how one guy was very talkative, offering ideas and telling stories, while his wife was sitting in silence. Towards the end of the evening Tannen commented that “women frequently complain that their husbands don’t talk to them”. The man quickly agreed with Tannen and admitted that his wife was the talker in their family and if it weren’t for

We see a silence in several women today by looking at their swollen eyes and their cold and startled behavior that they are traumatized by their own husbands. Solnit expresses, "Every woman knows what I’m talking about. It’s the presumption that makes it hard,

This article by Deborah Tannen, written in 1990, addresses the differences between the communication styles of men and women and some of the ensuing problems that arise from these divergent behaviors. The article asserts "that although men tend to talk more than women in public situations, they often talk less at home. And this pattern is wreaking havoc with marriage" (p. 474). Research indicates that a majority of women state a lack of communication as the reason for seeking divorce as compared to only a few of the men. With the divorce rate at 50 percent the author says there is a "virtual epidemic of failed conversation" (p. 474) in America.

Although Barry and Tannen have taken different approaches to examine the differences between men and women, as Barry’s point was based on housework while Tannen’s discussion mainly focused on communication, it should be noted that both of them agreed on the opinion that men and women are quite different from each other, especially in terms of emotions and feeling. Barry and Tannen pointed out that women are more inclined to share their feelings and emotions while men are not. In Barry’s article, he has been quite specific about this point by saying that “some women (and here I am referring to my wife) can share as many as three days’ worth of feelings about an event that take eight seconds to actually happen. We men, on the other hand, are reluctant to share our feelings, in large part because we often don’t have

Listening is a very complicated skill that many people do not posses. It requires individuals to reflect and to admit to their flaws. In order to communicate effectively it is important to know when to talk and listen. Peterson’s book is an excellent tool to enhance all types of relationships.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

In the article, “Sex Lies and Conversation; Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” author Deborah Tannen, argues that the culture differences in males and females communication, both expect differences in their partners communication which cause damaged marriages. First Tannen mentions, communication in marriage is difficult due to the fact that males and females have come from different cultures. Then Tannen argues, that women expect more intimacy by way of conversation and men share activities in order to gain in their same sex friendships. Tannen also argues that men tend to switch topics often, not concentrating so much on depth as on breadth, not taking turns on same topic; women establish intimacy by diving deeper on a few topics. The author states, male relationships are “agonistic” (Tannen), trying to one up; female relationships are not that way, as they seek equality instead. Finally Tannen, suggests that there are solutions: awareness is key in a cross-cultured communication. (Tannen) While there are some elements to her argument that may generalize too much, in the end, I do find myself convinced by Tannen’s case.

Furthermore, body language is an important factor in communication when trying to interpret the other individual. There are certain things that men do such as switching topics that make it seem like they are not listening. Although women see it that way, men do it because it is a habit

Petersen, J. C. (2007). Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships. Lincoln City, Oregon: Petersen Publications.

In the first chapter of her book, You Just Don't Understand, Men and Women in Conversation, Deborah Tannen quotes, "...studies have shown that married couples that live together spend less than half an hour a week talking to each other...". (24) This book is a wonderful tool for couples to use for help in understanding each other. The two things it stresses most is to listen, and to make yourself heard. This book opened my eyes to the relationship I am in now, with a wonderful person, for about four years. It made me realize that most of our little squabble-like fights could have been avoided, if one or the other of us could sit down and

According to Gray, men also need to be aware that women like to share and talk things through in a non-solution-oriented way (35). Man need to also understand that when their spouse is troubled, depressed or upset, he needs to make her feel loved even when she can not love herself (Gray 35).

A Prominent saying state – “Good Communication is the key to a healthy relationship or marriage”; whether it may be verbal or non-verbal. Many marriages end up in divorce, because of neglecting to communicate