Augustin S. Macdonald, comp. A Collection of Verse by California Poets. 1914.By Wallace Irwin
To the Average Man
And the average hat on his head;
He eats at a table and sits on a chair
And (normally) sleeps on a bed;
For he scorns the eccentric, and never would dare
To sleep on a table or eat on a chair.
Omeric refreshment to find;
But, shunning the tipple, he wanders to church
Where he is devoutly inclined—
Nor does he expect to find whiskey or dice
In the place that is famed for religious advice.
And sings just the average songs;
He’s deucedly fond of the Average Girl,
For whom he unceasingly longs—
And his vices and virtues, too many to tell,
Are oddly at odds—but they average well.
Finds the Average Woman and mates;
That the Average Family, children all told,
Is something like two and three-eighths.
(Though fractional children disturb and appal,
The Average Man isn’t worried at all.)
And sometimes he writes ’em, I hear;
He’s neither a genius, a knave, nor a fool,
In fact he despises the queer;
For if he departed the Average Plan
He’d cease to be known as the Average Man.
The passions of ages are swirled,
And the loves and the hates of the Average Man
Are old as the heart of the world—
For the thought of the Race, as we live and we die,
Is in keeping the Man and the Average high.