Kids Come First: How To Handle Divorce Involving Children

Divorce is not only difficult for parents, but even more difficult for the children. It can hit hard and fast but can also be built up from long term damage and stress on the marriage. Children can view their parent’s divorce in multiple ways. They can visually see it, or they can hear it. Children may also not view the divorce at all. Divorce can be sudden, confusing, and hidden. It can be a quick and relieving process, or it could be slow and painful. The relationship could be fought for night after night with little progress being made. The marriage could be fought verbally or even physically. Hurtful words are thrown to bring an end to the relationship and caring words are thrown to keep the marriage alive.

Children react differently yet similarly in divorce. Every child caught up in the distress of divorce has a hard time coping with it and imagining their life without a parent. Their

Divorce is not just a tough situation for the couples getting the divorce; it also has a large effect on any children involved in the divorce. When children are involved in a divorce, the first major impact they have to face is that child or children involved in the divorce losses time with each of the parents. In a non-divorced family on

Most researchers look at how children react and are effected when they experience parental divorce. Divorce is looked at as something “bad” for everyone who is effected by the situation. Divorce in the United States has the highest rate in the world. Over one million people a year get divorced and sixty percent of those divorces effect children (article 2). At the time of the divorce it seems like a horrible experience but, people never think about what would happen if the marriage stayed the way it was. Couples get divorced for many different reasons it could be because there was abuse, fighting, cheating and even if the couple was just no longer in love. “Children appear to be better off in cases in which the divorce substantially reduces

How children are affected by divorce is a question of vast significance to your children and, of course, to you. Divorce delivers many losses for parents and for minors. Divorce means you want to abolish your marriage with your significant other. Divorce can make you believe that you are losing your whole family. Divorce could possibly mean losing your home, associates, and the loss of social status. For kids divorcing may mean losing their school, losing frequent contact with one of their parents, and sometimes losing some affection, attention, and needed discipline from both of the parents. Divorce is the ending point of your position as a husband or wife, and it can sometimes make you feel like you are not a good parent. In addition, divorce means the sacrifice of your plans and imageries for yourself, for your family, and for your children. So how are children affected by divorce? The answer is not simple, which is one reason why numerous people are confused.

The actual act of divorce is not necessarily the most difficult thing children must go through when their parents decide to call it quits. Most of the time, they've had a front row seat or been unwilling participants in vicious battles fought between the two people they love the most. Ideally, husbands and wives would settle their differences in a calm manner and in rational terms. Ideal situations don't work in the real world. There are no rules to follow for husbands and wives, other than the "Golden Rule," and emotions always get in the way of common sense.

We will start by examining the affects that the actual divorce process has on children. During this traumatic time, children will tend to pick up on all of the negative behaviors that the parents are exuding. Parental discord can actually be more disturbing to a child than

Divorce can be problematic for children because the life they are accustomed to is suddenly disrupted. Custody battles,

It’s important to sit down with your children and discuss your marriage situation. Discuss what is happening and how the near future will be affected. Encourage your children to ask questions and answer them as best as you can to alleviate as many concerns as possible. Keep the information simple and tell your children how the divorce will affect

Children have to face many things during their parents divorce like conflict between their parents, the transition of being in two homes, and dealing with the changes that happen during their parent’s divorce. Many children will react differently to their new situation and many factors can affect how they transition through the divorce. Parent’s divorce can leave kids feeling alone and like they cannot trust or rely on their parents anymore. Kids will react at different times with different emotions some will act out and others might avoid people and being social. Parents need to understand that their children are also grieving as

Or they’ll say they don’t have to watch them fight anymore, or their parents will be happier and so will they. But many kids and adults that have had their parents divorce strongly disagree. “My life would have been happier if my parents hadn’t divorced” (ces.ncsu.edu). “Divorce was better for them but not for me. I lost my family” (ces.ncsu.edu). Many also think that people who have had parents divorce eventually get over it and break free of the short-term effects. However there are long-term effects such as commitment issues, fear of losing a loving relationship, or trust issues. According to D. Wayne Matthews, children can sometimes even lose affection towards parents. People also think all repercussions of divorce just go away with time. That is true for some things but not for all. Anxiety caused by divorce rises as feelings and memories of the divorce arise with greater intensity the closer one gets to adulthood. As these children whose parents have been divorced get older they could develop a “lifelong vulnerability to the experience of loss” (D. Wayne

If both parents can put aside their differences to make a workable agreement about their children, it can avoid the cost of having the court resolve clashes later. Reassure the kids that both mum and dad still love them, but sometimes family circumstances change. Cooperation between adults during divorce reduces anxiety and social problems for children, as well as increasing their self-esteem. Children are adaptable and can learn to handle adversity by

As for feeling guilty, parents may want to read them this book, It's Not Your Fault, Koko Bear: A Read-Together Book for Parents and Young Children During Divorce (Lansky, 1997). This way they can relate their experience through a character, and then the parents can have a conversation about feelings the child may have. This gives the chance for the child to be heard and the parents to reassure them that it is not their fault. This website, https://www.helpguide.org/articles/parenting-family/children-and-divorce.htm?pdf=true, gives helpful information for parents to help ease kids stress that they may feel about the divorce. It also includes tips to help the child grieve through this transition and additional support they can turn to (Kemp, Smith, & Segal, 2017). Lastly, this website http://marripedia.org/effects_of_divorce_on_children_s_health refers to the mental health of children who parents are divorced as well as how it can influence other health aspects for children (“Effects of Divorce on Children’s Health,

t becomes very traumatic for any parties going through a divorce process. There is a possibility that children suffer after their parents go through the divorce. However, this depends on how parents handle the situation. It is important, therefore, to ensure that children are treated carefully to avoid devastation. However, the most difficult thing for most people is life rebuilding after divorce has occurred. The fact that things changes from being in a marriage to a life where one starts living without a husband or wife, requires one to be comfortable and gentle with life and also patient to learn coping skills. The situation may, however, be abnormal for the children. It is therefore upon parents to normalize the situation and offer guidance

Parents correctly communicating with their children post divorce is essential to lowering the amount of negative effects the child will endure. After a divorce some parents are in such a scramble they lose sight of their role as a parent. They sometimes become so self indulged that they forget that their children are in need of communication from them (Foulkes-Jamison). On Help Guide, a website that is collaborated with Harvard Medical School they discuss what your child needs to hear after divorce and why they need to hear it (Block et. al.). Many children are under the assumption that they were the reason for their parents divorce. This assumption is often the root to many negative effects (Foulkes-Jamison). Help Guide says to avoid this from happening begin the post-divorce communication process by “clearing up misunderstandings” (Block et al.) Telling your child why the divorce is taking place can help them realize that they are not the cause of the tragic event. Help Guide stresses that as the parent you must not only be patient but reassuring to confirm that your child knows they are not the reason for the divorce (Block et al.). Opposite of the parent that forgets their child needs communication, there 's the parent that over indulges their child with communication (McManus and Donovan, 256). These parents unconsciously often make the mistake of providing the child with too much