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Stone, Patton, And Sheila Heen: Chapter Analysis

Decent Essays

The first section of reading assigned for this reflection was from Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. The first chapter discussed blame and how to avoid it in difficult, or any, conversations. The authors made it very clear that one must be able to differentiate between blame and contribution. The main difference between the two is that blame is judging the other person and their actions and contribution in understanding the impact both parties had on the situation (Stone, Patton, Heen 2010). In a difficult conversation, both people involved have contributed, big or small, to the issue. Identifying your own role can be difficult because that means self-evaluation and accepting responsibility must occur. If the contribution conversation is not had, blame is the first place most go to. This can be very detrimental to a conversation because it does not allow the problem to be solved. One party will become defensive if they feel blamed and they will shut down. The outcome of one party shutting down …show more content…

Feelings about a situation can have a large impact on difficult conversations because they can make one less likely to listen effectively. Also, something I never considered, they can influence self-esteem. With a damaged self-esteem, other people cannot learn from their mistakes and the relationship is damaged (Stone, Patton, Heen 2010). I find myself needed to learn from this chapter especially. I tend to hide my feelings to avoid conflict. Yes, this has reduced my number of difficult conversations, but it has not increased my happiness. I can even see how it ruined a past relationship. The relationship needed to end, but I never voiced my hurt or annoyance from the actions of my significant other. This, ultimately, contributed to the end of that relationship because I was not happy, and I was not making sure my feelings were

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