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Borderline Personality Disorder ( Borderline ) Essay

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It took me longer than usual to start this essay, because I fell into a deep pit of self-doubt every time I tried. Whenever I start a personal piece about my childhood, my mind instantly becomes a hive of swirling thoughts in a cloud of static. No matter what I know to be true, the fear of having my mother discredit me severely impedes progress. I have known about Borderline Personality Disorder for some time, and I knew my estranged mother was diagnosed with it at one point, but I didn’t really start researching it until a friend lent me a copy of Surviving a Borderline Parent. Part of me was afraid if I learned more about it, I would only feel sympathy for her, and guilt for going no contact. As awful as it sounds, I was tired of trying to understand her, and I was over feeling guilty about her personal wounds. There was also a bigger part of me that was afraid of admitting my upbringing influenced my personality in such a strong way. On some level, I know she would take credit for any of it, the good and the bad, because that is her style. To admit that I was a self-defeatist, that I am intimately familiar with Impostor Syndrome, is to admit that all of her taunting was correct. I don’t live up to my potential, and I am afraid of success. Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) is estimated to affect up to 5.9% of the U.S. population, with 75% being women; though it is believed more men may be undiagnosed or mistreated. Because of the lack of conversation surrounding

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