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Brantford Tertiary Institution Case Study

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Brantford Wentworth-MacDougal, a professor at a prestigious Massachusetts research university, was peeled off the floor of a nearby drinking establishment Wednesday night. This has been confirmed by Officer J.R. Fruitbat of the North Haverbrook Police Department. The Ward S. Kaltenbrunner Professor of Fine Art, Media, and Culture at Alberts-Kettering University was loitering at the Vast Tracts Inn on Nov. 4 of this year, partaking in what he describes as “an eventful evening filled with spirited Bacchanalia.” According to Candice Whetstone, registered nurse, the professor sustained a series of several grievous wounds. This combination of injuries left him bound to a wheelchair. He was dealt two broken legs, five broken ribs, two black eyes, …show more content…

They had already engaged in a series of grumbles and passive-aggressive sideways glances. “When the professor asked the Colonel for his Myers-Briggs personality type, there was no turning back,” said Murph Lovett, a local barfly. “Academic condescension is something the Colonel just can’t stand.” Wentworth-MacDougal, who refers to himself as “a proud INTP,” defended his line of questioning as “a perfectly reasonable counterweight to the typical clichés of bar-room banter.” When the fight began at 11:38 p.m., each of the two combatants were noticeably intoxicated. In a two-hour span, Col. Steak was up to nine and a half beers, and the professor had imbibed six double Scotch whiskies. “The evening’s ethanol intake seemed appropriate enough,” Wentworth-MacDougal said. “I was donning my special ‘make-it-a-double’ blazer that night. It’s a resplendent green corduroy, complete with elbow patches and all the trimmings.” Col. Steak, among other bar patrons, found the professor’s unique garment …show more content…

That jacket looked like it was stolen from the Salvation Army bin, and it smelled like it, too,” Steak said. “The icing on the cake came when the artsy little hipster weasel asked me something about a Michael Myers personality test. That’s when I knew I had to open up a can of whoop-[expletive].” The altercation can hardly be referred to as a “fight,” per se, because the word implies that two people are participating. This incident was largely one-sided. The squabble began with the Colonel hitting Wentworth-MacDougal directly in the throat with a solid right cross. From there, it only got worse. Steak broke both of the professor’s legs with a high-heeled shoe and a two-by-four he found in a nearby gully. There was still more pugilism to follow – Col. Steak’s final statement of the evening was a series of vicious rabbit-punches to Wentworth-MacDougal’s face and head. In the entire three minutes, the professor had only attempted a hilariously effeminate backhand, which didn't connect with anything but a barstool. According to Mr. Lovett, the professor had attempted to resolve the conflict with humor. However, it was only escalated when he began yelping a series of elaborate, pretentious insults at Col.

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