preview

Essay On My Hero's Journey

Decent Essays
Looking at the finished product I turned in for Essay 1, I don’t think I deserved a 100%. As I read my essay I found nothing but mistakes and points left out. I then went back and read the first draft of that essay and man is there is difference. As I was reading my original essay I found out that I was inserting facts into sentences. That’s not bad but no the goal. The goal is to create a story about your hero’s journey and relate it to you. Mine was not that. Looking back on workshops and feedback I saw how much my paper had changed and how I raised my bar. I took sentences I had written and moved, created, and formed an essay that was different and better then the first draft; by creating a story. Now using all the knowledge, I have learned throughout the semester, I can use it revise my essay one…show more content…
Original: CTE Shenanigans
Revised: CTE Shenanigans MK II
The framework stayed strong as stated before, it had a great flow and a smooth story. The topic sentences need clarifying and to be mentioned again throughout the paper (i.e. The Hero’s Journey). The worst part of the paper to me were the transition, so I overhauled them to help the reader know where they were heading next.
Original: “These two mentors also taught me literacies that many students I knew did not have and that was professional literacy.”
Revised: “These two mentors also taught me literacies that many students I knew did not have, and that was professional literacy and technological literacy. These are concepts that I would continue to use today and help me along my journey in high school. Now let’s start from the beginning, when my hero’s journey started.”
I also, took into consideration feedback pertaining to sentence detail and fluency in the story. My points in the paragraphs were on point but explanations was where I was lacking. Explanations were expanded upon in examples and detail.
Original: No sentence, added detail and
Get Access