I’M Not Sure, Exactly, What I Felt.I Do Know; It Was During

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I’m not sure, exactly, what I felt. I do know; it was during that time that I felt the first finger of pain. “A touch” that was reserved for females with far more years than my 12, violated me. Because under no circumstance should “That Touch” have been administered to a child. Yet my best sense told me, “The Touch” as vile as it was, dimmed when held up against the penalty I paid for “That Touch.” via “The Snake.” When caught in that awful act, my grandmother undoubtedly saw something that was never there. Because at one moment she demanded of me, “You-ain’t-gon-do-it-no-mo-are-ya? When at the next, she plead with me repeating the same, “You-ain’t-gon-do-it-no-mo-are-ya?” “No, no, no, I’m not grandma,” I screamed. My pain…show more content…
I needed to feel, then, that my grandmother was still proud of me. The thought of her being disappointment in me deepened the scorn I had cloaked around myself almost five years earlier. (Delete this or tell what happened five years earlier). Nonetheless, my grandmother’s short answer for this long problem, as I’ve fore stated, was to beat me for my cousin, a grown man’s sick decision one day to find his pleasure in my barely pubescent body. And when he was caught in the act, my grandmother did what she only knew how to do, I suppose. She released her hurt, shame, confusion, and anger out on me—the weaker one and the one whose participation in the act was no sin. At 12, I knew that was wrong and my grandmother should have known that, too. But my cousin towered over my grandmother and me. I’m not sure if my grandmother wanted to, but even had she, there was little to nothing she could have done that would have befitted or equal to the punishment of his crime or the punishment I paid for his crime. Thus, with “The Snake” my grandmother, a church going faithful, poured her indignation out on me, shamelessly. She tried to beat the devil out of me and to keep me on the straight and narrow path to God. And as my grandmother beat the demons out, both mine and hers, the shell to my soul cracked open under the pressure. And with every raising and falling of “The Snake” in grand momma’s hand, she and I were propelled into paralleled existences, yet in different
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