Is Today The Day?

It was a weekday in September when I came home from school, said goodbye to my family and didn’t come back for two weeks, but that was the first time, in all I was gone for a month and a half. Abington Memorial Hospital was welcoming, but it didn’t matter how distracted I was, I couldn’t escape myself. “Life begins where fear ends”, but it was a different story for me, when the fear of myself stopped, that would be because I would’ve done what I was terrified of and what I wanted the most, to let the rain

I could not see her for she was wrapped in an old green rag. My heart pounded as I looked at her, tears leaving my eyes quicker than warmth in winter. I quickly went inside and bounded up the stairs to my room. I was shocked to see my bed completely bare, all essence of her gone, light shining through the windows of the bright, sunny day as if my world hadn’t just turned completely upside down. I don’t know how long I sat on the edge of my bed with a blank mind, unmoving. Finally when the skies were a mix of purple and orange, I heard a knock at my door. I honestly don’t remember what my parents said, because I had lost all energy and willingness to

I pushed myself onto my weak feet and stumbled home. For days I couldn’t leave my room, my anxiety and depression preventing me from moving, pinning me to my bed. His words still rung in my ears and all I could do was think of him. Somehow in the midst of my thoughts, my sorrow slowly turned to anger. I didn’t understand why he would shut me out so abruptly and suddenly I realized that I had to change, that I had to move on.

They didn’t want this for me, they didn’t want me to go to dauntless. I had screwed over myself, and the day didn’t get any better. As the ceremony ended, I glance back to say goodbye to my parents. Their faces were meaningless with no excitement and life. Before I could do anything, they turned away and headed into the far distance. I knew it would be the last time I would see

It was my chance to start over. A new life. I could leave it all behind or so, I thought…

My life wasn’t filled with joy. Instead of sunshine and rainbows, all I could see and feel was rain and sorrow. I’ve been put through hell, and sent back up to heaven. I’ve been humiliated. I’ve made a fool out of myself. I’ve been bullied. I’ve become the bully. I’ve been an addict. I’ve gone to jail. I’ve done horrible things. I regret every single one of them. But, what’s done can’t be undone right? There’s nothing I can do to take it all back.

The weekend was going to create a new, more ambitious, start in my life. I didn’t want to hide anymore, but I didn't want to be someone who was an attention seeker. Learning how to let my voice be heard without judgment was one of the greatest feelings. Even though I became more outgoing, spontaneous, and learned how to live life to the fullest, I realized I was still lacking one thing. Strength. Putting on a fake smile is effortless, but once the door is closed, you start to see true colors; and that’s exactly what had happened to me towards the middle of my junior year. I stayed strong throughout school and around my peers, but once I made it home, I would start questioning every aspect, every action of life. It seemed like if something went wrong, it happened all at once, leaving me with this huge mess called life. This world we live in is a beautiful insanity, and learning how to live it to the fullest is something that we will never figure out; you will always have the ‘gray’

The doubts I had turned out to just be thoughts in my head. This warm, sunny morning I could feel my heart beating through my chest. My hand was shaking as I opened the door of my mom’s car. I felt like time was going by slow and I wanted everything to be over. I arrived and it didn’t seem much like a school. A building with not many windows, doors, and no kind of sign it was a school. A gray striped building that kind of looked like a warehouse. The parking lot was massive; it was big compared to the school. As I walked in through the main entrance, I felt this was already a miserable start to the worst school year in my life. I got to my class and sat down. I felt people’s eyes staring at me strangely. The situation already felt awkward

Just like yesterday. I still feel depressed. I can’t believe Violet is gone. No one else seems to know. I walk around the corner of the hallway and see what I never thought I would see again. Violet was there. Everything was happening just like it did yesterday. I want to run over and hug her, but I stay put at the corner. Once it went far enough, I go over there and actually say something about it. I’d rather be the one getting those things said to me. “Leave her alone. She didn’t do anything to you.” I yelled from the end of the hall. “They all turn around the look at me. “Who are you to talk? You’re just as bad.” Katie said. I walked over to Violet and pulled her away. We skipped school that day and I just spent time with her. We became friends again. I never wanted to feel what i thought i felt yesterday. Maybe it was just a

I suddenly stopped breathing, like my lungs filled with water. I felt like I was drowning. my lungs screamed for air, but they weren’t loud enough. I jolted my arms up trying to draw their attention. Then images started to flash before my eyes. my first birthday party with the exploding cake. The satisfaction that filled my dad’s face when I rode my bike for the first time. My older brothers grabbing my hands and flinging me into the air and coming down into a warm summer pool. Lucas running up to a random door ringing the doorbell and ducking behind the bush. I wanted to go back to those moments. I had to. This couldn’t be it. I had so much to tell my parents and my brothers. I miss them. I love them. I knew what I had to do. Then the images

Why me? Out of everyone, why me?!” I exclaimed. My eyes burned, my heart rate increased, and I felt the transudation of sweat down my back. Infuriated, I aimlessly tossed the pictures away from me. All these memories made me dizzy. My legs were numb. God knows how long I was sitting there. A state of stupor overcame me and I lay down on the cold, hardwood floor. Once again there was darkness. The echoing of the dripping tap jolted me awake. I noticed the minimal light that entered from the windows as the last hues of the setting sun mellowed my rage. I had bathed myself to revive my inner being and to clear my head. As I headed towards the lounge room, my gaze fell on two photographs, side by side. I picked them up and tears welled up in my eyes from what I saw. Although the two photos had different couples they both depicted the same thing: A drunken father, a traumatised son, and a lonely wife. The smiles were a mere mask to conceal the truth. How had I not realised what I had done? What I had become? I was just like him. Like my father! I gave Chris the very same treatment that I had despised as a child. I knew what I had to do now. To make it up to them was going to be a challenge…But it had to be done. I was truly sorry and they had to

I went back to school that next day, in hopes that I would stay true to what I realized about myself, the night before. However, I was wrong. As soon as I walked into the classroom, the feeling of fear and humiliation wash over me like a tidal wave. I had caught sight of a group of girls, my ex-best friend included, staring at me, snickering to themselves. However, I remembered my mother’s wise words that she informed me and for a brief moment, I kept my head held high as I walked past them and into one of the lonely desks in the corner of the

It was a frigid October morning as I got into the bus. I sat next to the humble girl from my Language Arts class and pulled out my agenda that was smeared with Sharpie from when it used to say Margaret Harris, 8th grade. It was a normal school day until I looked out the window and saw a man that appeared to be looking straight at me from a far distance, and then the whispers started. Until that day the whispers were just chaotic, jumbles of words that I could never comprehend, but today was different. The whispers grew loud in my head as I stared at the man and just one word repeated in my head…… until.

As a little girl, I was forced to grow up way before my time. I never had the ability to forgive and let go. I was suffocated with the memories of my past. Mrs. Westby, my English Teacher, could tell that my writings only scratched the surface. She asked me to stay after class the day she announced our writing prompt. I did as she requested. Later that day, she sat me down and asked me several questions. I answered most surface level, afraid to let anyone see that I was broken.

Time passed and I grew strong again, and when I was almost back to my perfect self, the second blink hit. The words said to me became screams, and I fell to my knees watching my life crumble away. The third blink came in the next month, words turning to actions. I sit alone at school, trying to stay afloat in the black sea that is the world, and in this time of grief, I had a friend. Her name was grace. She spoke to me like an angel, filling me and giving me the love and satisfaction I needed.