My College Experience

Welcome to the “playground of unregulated freedom” (Delbanco, 19) that is college. These institutions all have a purpose in forming an individual. Some take their years in college to discover who they are, to gain independence, or to simply complete their degree. My personal experience thus far during my collegiate career has been to focus on following my passion. I have taken my love of athletics, and interest in the human body as a way to motivate myself through school with the end goal of receiving a doctoral degree. Given that my first year of college was full of hardships that caused questions as to whether an education was truly worthwhile, I am here as a sophomore stepping out of my comfort zone daily to pursue my passion.

I once saw a quote that said “do not judge my life by the chapter that you walked in on”. For some reason, this quote really rings true to me. Would people think of me in a different way if they knew my whole story? In every person’s life, there are so any successes, challenges and failures, that if you walked in on their life on any particular day, you would have no idea how they became the person that they are that day.

My first year of college I encountered an abundance of struggle. When signing up for classes I chose poorly the course load I could manage. I took many challenging courses all in one short span of time. I was not accustomed to the differences of college and high school. I started out anxious but sure I would succeed. Shortly after starting, I began to fall behind due to challenging course work and inexperience with the structure of college classes. I was unsure of where to turn for help and I felt very helpless. I believe I started to have anxiety in high school but with a strong support group I was able to flourish and had never needed to seek a mental health professional. As I started to do poorly my anxiety came to a peak. I would bawl daily unsure of where to turn. I had panic attacks every time I did a homework assignment. My mind would tell me if I get this question wrong I would get another wrong, I would do bad on the assignment, I would fail the class, then all the hard work I put in to come to WSU would be for nothing, I’d never get a career, and I’d never be able to support my son. I studied extremely hard for exams and when I got to the exam room would forget everything. I would often start to black out from the stress. I did so very terribly my first year and was given another shot my second year. I sought out a mental health professional and was diagnosed and given ways to cope with my anxiety. I was in better contact with my advisor and began to attend

This course like my entire first semester of university have provided me with both many challenges as well as taught me many lessons not only for my university career, but for the rest of my life. As I reflect back on the semester, I recall telling myself at least once a week that I wanted to drop out of school, followed by many breakdowns, crying fits and calling defeat. The past few months, haven’t been at all easy for me, I have thought many times I wasn’t intelligent enough to be in university, I was disappointed with some of the grades I received and I was constantly engulfed in a swarm of stress. Despite all these tough times, I have had many good one’s as well, I have made new friends which are now integral to my everyday life and I have enhanced my knowledge to a new degree. Some of the many lessons that I’ve already learned in my short university experience include how to manage my time, the importance of meeting deadlines as well as the continuous struggle of balancing the various different facets of life.

College, from what I heard from people say, is a time that you would not forget. From coming from such a far away place I did not really know what to expect. I was expecting some changes, but not the changes that I experienced over the past semester. I have changed as a person with greater openness of others’ ideas and topics. I have changed with more independent from my parents and I have changed with more knowing of determining who I want to be, and I have changed by being more understanding that a person has to ask questions or otherwise, when in doubt people will not communicate with you. This past semester has been a time of self growth, which in turn has caused me to be a much different person that I had started out with.

Growing up I fondly remember not knowing where I belonged. Even to this day I still ponder on this very thing. I was casted away by my mother and father, forced to live with my abusive grandmother. Who at every chance never wasted a minute berating me for every little thing I did. In time I grew to hate her like many other things. For most of my younger years I stayed in a hot trailer, on the back skirts of civilization. We didn’t have any AC and barely any cable, we were completely off the grid. I´d work in the field with my papa. He was a tall, dark skin islander. Hailing from The Virgin Islands, his thick ,harsh accent fills my head even to this day. I remember summers filled with hard work, sweat, little play, and sugar cane. My perspective of life has always been cynical. I don't exactly remember when I lost my innocence, or if i ever did. But I ,always remember looking at the world with heated distrust. Things only got worse from there. We moved for my first day of school,so we could be closer to the school district. We moved closer to what some people would call the hood. I personally didn’t see my neighborhood as such, but that was what it was labeled. My house was fairly nice, red and cosy despite the environment being unpleasant.

Shakespeare wrote, “It is not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves”. With the life I had growing up, I never thought college was an option. I was in and out of foster care until my grandparents took guardianship of me when I was 12 years old. They never really pushed college on me or even mentioned it much. None of my other family went to college, some didn’t even graduate high school. So when I finally enrolled in my first semester of college this fall, I was very excited but also very frightened. My brother, who everyone thought would be successful with college, flunked out his first semester at UCO. He’s in the Army National Guard so he says he had a hard time juggling that and school. Therefore, it worried me that I wouldn’t be able to make time to stay focused, issues in my personal life, such as my work schedule, family, and television pose a threat to my success this semester.

This semester was a journey I was not expecting. It turned out to be completely different from what I imagined, and I still can't decide if it turned out better or worse than I expected. At the beginning of the semester I was a constantly anxious and angry person, which happens to me every time after a long break. Coming to Capstone class I didn't know what to expect and how it will be connected to the field I am studying in. I am still confused about what exactly I learned in this class, but I will be describing everything I learned this semester from my outside of classroom commitments. In the middle of the semester I received a job offer with a City of Bridgeport. It was a 3-month finance internship with the office of Small and Minority Businesses. My classes were always my main priorities, however, once I accepted the offer, I knew that I'm not only representing myself, but my employer is judging the whole school based on my performance. This led me to the first change I've made this semester: change of priorities. This is important if I want to live a balanced and fulfilling life. Many people are successful in their career but don't have good relationships with their family because of wrong priorities. They put things like money and reputation above their relationships. And I used to do that a lot. My classes, work, and other commitments were always above any social interactions, whether it was family or friends. Yet, I realized that I do not fill accomplished if I

I have made many mistakes in my lifetime. I have struggled, I have stumbled and I have fallen Still, I refuse to let my past define me. I refuse to let my experiences bring me to my demise.

Not being able to graduate changed my life a lot. It made things better, but on the other hand, made them even worse for what I was put under, stress and pressure. It was me, who was putting the pressure on myself, but my family put some of the stress on me too. Not being able to walk and graduate was already humiliating enough for me, how I thought of myself, and was thinking of my future were all stress factors. I was constantly thinking, "what should I do now?" It was stressful already to handle, but having some of my family put me down was even worse, I struggled with my ACT, and worried about passing my classes at Ridge, and competing my requirements.

Now to recount my college chapter I would have to say that it didn’t end so successfully. I began as a freshman at the University of Washington-Bothell (UWB) campus. There I followed the general path all freshmen went through; completing their prerequisites and adjusting to college life. I was like many students, still unsure of what I wanted to pursue in college but a key factor of college is exploration. However, as the year went by I slowly started to notice that the vision I had of attending this college was not what I expected. I felt that the courses laid out to freshman weren’t beneficial as they combined the essential disciplines of say math, history, English, and science into one class they like to call ‘Discovery Core’. Of course, you are selected to choose a pre-major of your choice where you would be taking the classes you’ll need to complete the set of requirements for that major. At the time I was thinking about going into the STEM field as it was something I enjoyed doing during high school. I took the beginning series of Computer Science and going into the class it wasn’t a problem it was the end of the quarter that caught me off guard; the finals.

One of my favorite sayings is “dare to be different.” I have two older brothers, both of whom have attended and done well at Indiana University. I have enjoyed visiting the school, but I don't plan to follow in their footsteps. I'm more of a do my own thing kind of girl. While considering where to attend college, I’ve often thought that I’d like to find a school with an outstanding academic reputation, the feeling of a big school atmosphere, plus the many benefits of a small school. Tulane is such a place.

Fear is not a word that was in my typical vocabulary, as most people who know me I was very active throughout my highschool years. I participated in many things such as Student Council,Cheer,Band, and other extracurriculars. To do most of these you are expected to have courage and so on. One thing I understand now more than ever is that you never leave what you can do today for tomorrow, the opportunities might be gone. Many things would go through my mind these past months before I had to start college in the fall. It finally hit me that I was becoming an adult with many responsibilities ahead of me. This didn’t seem to bother me much since I kinda had everything figured out or so I thought. I wasn’t the first of my siblings to graduate. I forecasted I would have the help I needed occasionally throughout my college journey. As the days went by college registrations were getting closer than ever. I honestly was super excited to be back in school with familiar faces and even to meet new ones. The news I would be receiving two-weeks before I officially started college really set me back physically and emotionally. By this time I had met someone I’ve never in a million years thought I would meet my new friend fear.

College is many things. It may be a new beginning, perhaps it's the next step after high school, or it could be a huge culture shock. For me it was always just the next step. I never had to worry myself about what life was going to be like after high school because I knew that I was going to be furthering my education, and going to college. Ever since I started elementary school it seems as if all I’ve been working towards is going to college. So it was always a given that I would go to college, there was no question about it. I know that not everyone is as lucky as I am to get the opportunity to go to college. Whether it’s because they couldn’t afford it, didn’t make it into a college, or just didn't want to go to school anymore. I know not everyone I come in contact with will have the same experience as me or anything close for that matter. A few things that I have really noticed so far about myself and being in college are my studying skills or lack of, my ability to pay for college/ not having a job, and my preparedness for college. These are three cultural locations that ill will be addressing throughout the paper.

Coming into a Texas A&M University as a freshman, I had no idea what to expect. Everything was new. From living in such close proximity to a stranger, to having a sporadic class schedule that I am completely responsible, the experience of college is unlike anything I could ever imagine. Having this seminar the first semester was so helpful in that it showed me my options on campus and all the resources that I have available to me.