My Experience At My Life Essay

I started to hate myself soon after, always used to say to myself “Why am I like this?”. This one day has changed that, my dad said; “Be yourself and everyone would like you.” So that day I thought about what

I was sat on the marble floor of our house next to a big pile of glass that used to be an ornate vase, hoping that my mom hadn't heard the crash. But judging by the sound of quick clacking coming closer every second, I was fresh out of luck. “ALICIA MANON JANE WHAT DID YOU DO?” Her bright blue stilettos that she wore all the time” because they were a ladies shoe” blocked my vision. I looked up and saw the rage that marred her usually gorgeous face. “You’re so useless I swear, ‘m not sure why god decided to curse me with such a burden lIke you” Even at my young age, I could probably recite this speech by heart. I was always “useless” or “good for nothing” sometimes, I even got the occasional“I hate you and I wish that I never had you”, but those were reserved for specIal occasions when no one else is around. She harshly grabbed my arms and forcIbly pulled me up from my position on the floor, I remember feeling her long blood red nails dig into my flesh. She led me upstairs to my room and before she locked me In my room yelled, “ Maybe In here you’ll learn how not to be such a burden to

If you saw me how most people saw me, you would be too. But you don’t because you’ve only seen a part of me. You see what I mean?” That killed me. I thought about all the people I used to know. I thought I always did a pretty good job at being myself but I don’t remember at all, I really don’t. If I was less of myself and more of a phony then maybe all the other phonies would like me more, but I didn’t want to be a phony. I wanted to be me. Just then, the girl’s phone rang. It startled me and I nearly fell out of that goddam window. No kidding. She answered it and it turned out her sister and D.B.’s flight wasn’t as delayed as they thought it would be. I could hear the whole conversation because it was so goddam quiet where we were. When the call ended, the girl turned to me and smiled really nice and wide, which amused me. I was never really one to smile at all, but some part of me decided in that moment that I should smile right

I started to realize that everyone is not going to be there for me, that everyone is not going to be honest, that the only way to prove people wrong is to

As I started to grow up, I realized it would be best for me to hold in all of my feelings. The second fish bowl made some of my feelings comes to the surface. After listening to the song Perfect, by Alanis Morissette I thought of my mom. The thoughts that were occurring in my head consisted of, not being the best person I feel she wants me to be. After hearing,

That lady made me feel like I was worthless. I told her about my dad driving the car while totally wasted, nearly killing himself, my mom, and me. She didn’t even ask if I was okay. Not too long after – I asked her for help getting away from him because I knew I was in danger. She told me that no one had saved her from her alcoholic dad so why should she save me? I internalized that…I wasn’t worth saving. I still feel that way, I’m not worth saving. That I’m not worth anything. And no, I don’t know why I internalized that from one person…well, I didn’t just from one person. As a child I was never put first in my household so I never felt important or cherished by my parents. So I never got that “I’m special” feeling.

When inside I was rejected, torn and in pain. I didn’t want anyone approaching me and putting up a defence always acting as if everything was ok. Thinking I was super spiritual before God but yet couldn’t even be or feel who I was truly before Him. I held a heaviness and a burden and it was tiring to act this way. The moment I choose to let go and be sincere and take a look at myself and took responsibility one step at a time that’s when freedom came and life got a lot better. Pride can kill. Humbleness is real living. I had a peace. My purpose came alive and that’s why I write. If I stayed locked up in pride behind my mask I would still be in the same place and that’s why so many are stuck, addicted to things to remove the pain and the reality, going round and round in circles. God is waiting for you to turn and choose to come off that roundabout and come onto a straight and narrow path that will lead you to life not

My life wasn’t filled with joy. Instead of sunshine and rainbows, all I could see and feel was rain and sorrow. I’ve been put through hell, and sent back up to heaven. I’ve been humiliated. I’ve made a fool out of myself. I’ve been bullied. I’ve become the bully. I’ve been an addict. I’ve gone to jail. I’ve done horrible things. I regret every single one of them. But, what’s done can’t be undone right? There’s nothing I can do to take it all back.

In my adolescence, I covered up my emotions with jokes and filled the voids of life with worldly things. It was hard to trust, impossible to trust. The struggle for inner peace was a raging battle that dragged along throughout high school. My feeling of emptiness and sorrow was filled with things I’m ashamed to say I’ve done. I was a ship in the middle of the sea with no captain. My life was meaningless and had no value. I joked about the things that hurt me and put up a wall around my feelings and never let anyone in.

I remember feeling a sensation within me, a feeling of accomplishment, fulfillment, and hope, the same feelings that ran down my mother’s eyes, tear by tear. I knew at that very moment that my mom finally realized how much she had done to bring us all to this table, with no financial worries, no resentment towards each other, and with something to offer to this broken world. I remember feeling that I had reached a peak in my life, a moment that I would never forget. I realized that I had just closed a chapter in my story, a chapter with the best moment of my life as a beautiful ending. Yet there was still something missing, a

I was despairing because of the nonexistent mirror I was hiding behind in a nonexistent, abandoned building, in an attempt to keep myself safe and in which everyone assumed I would clamber out of. I did, in fact, crawl out from behind my cracked mirror and slowly creep out of the desolate building into what I had heard people call the real world. In the real world, I learned that my actions affected others, and my words had the power to aid others in their own attempts to clamber out from behind their mirrors and to live in the real world alongside me. Of course, I never used words, too afraid that they would hurt more than they’d ever help; that I’d do something I would regret—again. Who would’ve thought that my silence was the one thing I have come to regret the

For years, I walked around being unhappy and mad at the world. I was a very antisocial and introverted person at the time. I wanted nothing more to do with the world and I was fed up and I angry. I was angry that and I thought the world deserved me something for not being the way it wanted me to be. I thought the world was punishing me but in actuality I was punishing myself. I had set myself up for failure and I was drowning in it.

I had to continue with therapy and used my writing to release all of the tension that had built up inside of me. Eventually, I was able to put the light back into my eyes. I was me again and now I found myself with a deeper understanding of who I am.

I never really thought about where my life was going. I always believed life took me where I wanted to go, I never thought that I was the one who took myself were I wanted to go. Once I entered high school I changed the way I thought. This is why I chose to go to college. I believe that college will give me the keys to unlock the doors of life. This way I can choose for myself where I go instead of someone choosing for me.

As a very small child I don’t remember too much, but the things that I do remember were seen through a child’s eyes that has made me the person that I am today and I will always have those memory’s with me until my last breath on this earth. In this essay I intend to show how my childhood and adult life to this point has influenced my life, my journey. By utilizing the adult development theories from this class I also intend on showing how they relate to my Life experiences and where I am today as an Adult student.