“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.”-Bob Marley
It was a humid summer night when I encountered my first broken heart. The wind rustled against the bushes that lined my front porch. It was humid even though the breeze was present it didn’t give much relief. It was hot but the crickets still chirped, surrounding me with the songs of nature. It was completely dark but the black sky was the perfect canvas to display the stars. That’s something I loved about my town, you always had stars. I closed my eyes and filled my lungs to their highest capacity. Slowly exhaling I turn my head slightly to focus on my driveway. The sound of my mom’s minivan disturbed mother nature’s lullaby. The car backed out of the driveway and down the neighborhood. That was the first time my heart was broken, that was the night my mom left.
Walking into the empty house my dad sits motionless on the couch, the lights dimmed giving the living room an eerie feel. I look at him, “drive?” I asked. We hop into the jeep and drive for hours, emotionless. Neither of us talk or even make a sound all we do is listen to our favorite band, Red Hot Chili Peppers. This is how we cope. Some people cry, clean, write we drive and listen.
“I think art is inherently nonviolent and it actually occupies your mind with creation rather than destruction.”- Anthony Kiedis lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers.
A year past and I was now a high school freshman. The first day of classes ended up being
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I got to school around 7:10 and immediately found some friends I knew. It was a lot less stressful with friends. I went to my newly decorated locker. To my surprise, I opened it straight up. I helped some of my friends get there’s open, and already felt like I got started on the right foot. My first class was Social Studies, with Mrs. Disken. She was really nice, and I liked Social Studies a little. We did the name game. Throughout that day
I managed to survive my first day of being a freshmen with only minor issues. The most embarrassing part of my day claimed my late arrival to nearly every class period. I couldn’t remember where any
The beginning of the year wasn’t exactly as I envisioned as an eighth grader. I thought that going to high school would be some life changing experience with new people and more privileges. It turned out that it wasn’t that life changing so much as perspective changing and there was more work, more stress, and privileges tend to come with a price. My first day left me nervous, lost, confused, stressed, overwhelmed, and tired by the end of the day. The first thing I did when I got home that day
Before long, I had started my first day of school and it had gone pretty badly. First, I had to spend over an hour getting everything set up and organized which made me miss my first class. Secondly,
I can still remember that day... Heart was beating real fast, palms were sweating, stumbling across my words and I honestly felt like the world was coming to an end. Starting over at a new school halfway through the year has got to be every kid’s nightmare. I went from a private to a public school which was the hardest switch of my life.
As the evening fell, the dark blue night rose up across the sky. I laid under the stars in my back yard, as I do every night with my dog Mabel. Mabel was approaching her old ages but she was a great listener. Usually I tell her about my day or fairy tales, tonight I told her about my mom. My mother passed away in a car accident when I was only a baby, she was the most loving person I knew and I miss her everyday, and sometimes it helps to talk about her. As I lay talking curled up next to mabel I could feel my eyes getting heavier and heavier as the warm summer breeze brushed past my face.
I walked into the room on New Year’s Day and felt a sudden twinge of fear. My eyes already hurt from the tears I had shed and those tears would not stop even then the last viewing before we had to leave. She lay quietly on the bed with her face as void of emotion as a sheet of paper without the writing. Slowly, I approached the cold lifeless form that was once my mother and gave her a goodbye kiss.
They swarmed around me. The tears felt like fire. I heard worried, faint murmurs. “she's not going to make it”, and they're reassuring my crying, helpless parents, “she's going to be alright”. Even though I was so young, I thought that this was it. The fear. The pain. The sorrow. The memories still haunt me to this day.
As I watched my house crumbled into a million pieces, my legs started to quiver to the point where I could no longer stand on my own two feet. Everything… everything I’d ever loved was inside: my diary, my family photos, my childhood memories. I couldn’t take the pain any more so I began to thrash around the frozen, forlorn floor like a fish on a hook. As my pupils rolled back, flashbacks rolled in. The picture of a child lying in bed while her parents read her a bedtime story replayed in my mind. Images of a primary school girl showing her parents the pictures she drew of them, as a family, wouldn’t fade away. All those memories…now gone. Forever.
There was a sadness that filled the air all around me and no matter where I went it followed me like a shadow. There was no escaping the dark gloom that I could see in the eyes all around me. This sadness was like nothing I had ever seen or felt in my whole 13 years of existence, and it wasn’t in the air that I breathed when I first woke up this morning in my aunts house in my small hometown in Tama, Iowa.
Walking outside the sun beamed down on me, the skin on my shoulders stinging. I knew I should’ve been in pain but at that precise moment I felt empty and emotionless. Once I knew I was calm enough to go back inside I walked inside and went straight to my bedroom. Once I was out of sight from my sister broke down and sobbed. I muffled my cries in my silk covered pillows. The coldness of the pillow relaxed my face.
I remember the day just like it was yesterday, the pale color and coldness of her skin. The sky was clear blue, soft, with a touch of red, and the trees seemed stiff in their bright green shade. The wind was blowing with its humid dry air. And All I could do was stand silently in disbelief, caught up in my own thoughts and calm as I ever been. Wondering what I could have done differently to change the course of time, life had taken us upon. Since that very day a chunk of my heart was ripped away, and broken into pieces… “Oh how I miss her so much.”
Music is one of the most beautiful things in life that no one can take away from you. All you need for music is your mind. You can hum, sing, whistle, or just think about music and it can help your mood or relate to crisis’ in your life. “My Way” by Frank Sinatra relates to my life by helping me find out who I am, enjoying my life my way, and learning how to prepare for my future.