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The First Joke Of The Night

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I went to the University of Texas. I was a government major; that’s the first joke of the night. I hate our government. It’s not one of those neo-Nazi or crazy conspiracy nut kind of hate or anything, and I don’t have a vendetta against Obama or anything ... I hate every goddamn branch, and I like to think I have very well-founded reasons. My only real problem with Obama is that he never, well, for the longest time, he didn’t want to step on anybody’s toes, but recently I heard him in an interview laugh in response to a question about the GOP, and that ... is the correct response to any question about the GOP ... (In theory, at least). If Trump actually got elected, that wouldn’t be funny ... It would be terrifying. Meanwhile, Congress is too busy trying to get one over on each other instead of actually doing anything worthwhile, even when one party is in control, they still get nothing done ... They’re really just the “Comments Section” for everything the President does. And you might be saying, “Oh, but the Supreme Court—,” to which I say, “Shut up. This isn’t a two-way conversation. That’s why I get a microphone. I’m here largely in part because of the fact that you don’t get to interrupt me. This is my therapy.” Anyway, the Supreme Court. Have you ever listened to a Supreme Court hearing? ... The Supreme Court is just 9 of America’s grandparents condescending to America’s parents and children at Thanksgiving dinner about the life choices they 've made. And again, I

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