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The Loss Of Anxiety

Decent Essays

I still felt lonely, and depressed despite the fact that I’ve been around people all day, and will be around people all day tomorrow. Anxiety overcame me as I had to ask to borrow a pencil or if I could sit with them. I felt like whenever I had to talk to a stranger, I was just being a vexatious, disturbing, pest that if they weren’t try to be polite they’d swat away. To me, all I could see were my constant screw ups. Although thousands of my peers were around me, I was lacking closeness. Nobody cared about me and I had no purpose. If I were to confide in somebody, they might tell me that I always had my family and they’d always love and care about me. Little did they know, I was going through extremely stressful times with my father. He was …show more content…

I reached out to men I didn’t know, through the internet. Through Instagram or Facebook or Tinder, I just wanted somebody to pay attention to me. To call me pretty. To ask, and sincerely care, how my day was. I felt like I couldn’t reach out to people I knew in real life for this attention: I’ve seen how others are cruelly mocked and looked down upon for having the same feelings I had and being “attention whores” or “fishing for compliments” because of “daddy issues.” Already having severe anxiety that everyone already had extreme animosity towards me, and I didn’t want to make it worse by standing out and drawing attention to myself. Ironically, I made things worse with my home life by becoming even more defensive against my parents and, at times, lying to them about who I was talking to. In the moment when I talked to my boyfriend and I felt like he actually cared about me, liked me, maybe even loved me, I felt much better. For some reason it supplied me with the courage and confidence to go out and talk to people: once I talked to people and developed even more connections, the feelings of assurance amplified. However, when I got broken up with, I fell into a rapid downward spiral of deterioration. At times I felt like I had no reason to live. To try and cope with these feelings I wanted to do the only thing that had made me feel a little bit better in the past; find …show more content…

Having accumulated over 500 hours of volunteer service, I no longer just work at a petting farm during a summer camp. I run blood drives, hand out water at races fighting cancer, help out at women’s shelters, make hot chocolate for soup kitchens, read to kids at my local elementary school, and much more. Volunteering provides a way for me to help others, and feel like I’m making a difference in the world. It gives me an opportunity to see how other people are dealing with their hard situations, and it humbles me to know how good I actually have it. It’s always a great reminder not to take things for

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