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The Physical Pain Of The Worst Pain

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Up to now, I have only described the physical pain. Which as it turns out was and is not even close to being the worst pain. The worst pain resides way back in that dark place you do not want to go, because you know if you allow yourself to crawl there, you may never come back. All along the way, through this journey through pain, I have always allowed time to beat myself up and question everything about whom, why and how come I made the choices I have made. I questioned my manhood. I questioned my dedication. I questioned everything but the truth. I was physically unable to do it. The mental exhaustion from the physical limitations were impeding my judgement. Admitting this would mean acknowledging I was not a man. I would be unable to provide for my family. I was pushing myself closer to that dark spot. I was getting down on myself. I had already pushed people away with my attitude and misery. As each day passed, and I realized another person I had hurt or bad decision I made, I became more distant and reclusive. More bitter, more angry and I could not stop it. What I was failing to realize was I was already on the spiral slide down the dark abyss to hell. I would go through this never ending cycle. The center of the circle is pain and circling around it are depression, anger and anxiety. It was a never ending cycle. Always in one of those dark places.
The pain, as is my leg, is gone. I am not sure how eight years of pain wound up disappearing that quickly. The hard part

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