There are times when I don’t understand you. But sometimes I wonder if I ever understood you at all. As you stand there on the pier, staring out into that damn green light, I find myself sitting here, chilled to the bone, my thin shoulders wrapped by a thick woollen blanket. I’m too tired to join you, but even if I wasn’t, would you even want me to? I ponder this often; do you even want my company? That green light, the golden girl you adore like no other, she’s your alone. Your vision, your dream, no one else’s. The one thing you couldn’t have. My arrogant backstabbing cousin. I never understood what it is you see in her; sure you have a past together. Guess I’ll never truly understand. You do so much just to find her, you go to unbelievable lengths to make her yours, and… well maybe one day it will happen. No… Maybe is too strong a word. A chance? Still a little too strong. I still don’t know what to make of it, though maybe it’s better like this. You turn your head standing on the cold spot of my back porch, our eyes meet. But all I receive is a faint smile before you return to your anxious waiting, your vigil. As your hair blows in the wind a moment of youth flashes across you, you look young. As the vision vanishes you return as the self-made cultured New York millionaire you’ve become. The king of bootlegger lane. I force myself to rise; I’m going to do it. I can’t stand this obsession anymore dammit, this “unrequited love” or whatever the hell you call it. I’ve never
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“I wish they’d slow down,” I whisper to myself slipping a white dress on with pink flowers. I search for the matching pink tights and check my watch. If I don’t hurry I’ll miss him. Walking out the door I am instantly saddened by the smell of the poluted air. I begin to day dream about a world where Montag, my uncle, everyone I hold dear, can sit on the porches, talking into the night. The street lights would break the dark abyss and egnite laughter and smiles. We would talk about the world and nonsensical things. . . HONK. I’ve barly managed to jump out of the way. Silly people, if only they would take the time to slow down, they’re missing the most beatiful things
“For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection on her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened - then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk.”
The door slammed shut and we were both on the verge of tears; as I held her tightly in my arms we discussed everything that had just unfolded. What would become of our relationship? Emma's parents despised me as if their daughter was in love with Satan himself. We were both from completely different ends of society, but our love was inseparable, or so it seemed. Emma explained that even though she loved me we were just too different. After hours of conversation, we agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant the following day to discuss the future of our love. As I continue to reminisce, I lie wide awake, in a paralysed state, worrying about what tomorrow may bring. I know deep down in my heart that once that shining star dies so will I. Without her, I have no reason to live, no reason to continue fighting the cruel battle of life. Thus, if I lose my one and only angel there will be no hope, no light just a deep dark meaningless void filled with despair and suffering. However, despite the heartbreak and lack of light, I continue to cling to that last bit of thread, that last bit of hope, that last bit of
You feel an intense, out-of-the-skin awareness of your living self—your truest self, the human being you want to be and then become by the force of wanting it. In the midst of evil you want to be a good man. You want decency. You want justice and courtesy and human concord, things you never knew you wanted. There is a kind of largeness to it, a kind of godliness. Though it’s odd, you’re never more alive than when you’re almost dead. You recognize what’s valuable. Freshly, as if for the first time, you love what’s best in yourself and in the world, all that might be lost. At the hour of dusk you sit at your foxhole and look out on a wide river turning pinkish red, and at the mountains beyond, and although in the morning you must cross the river and go into the mountains and do terrible things and maybe die, even so, you find yourself studying the fine colors on the river, you feel wonder and awe at the setting of the sun, and you are filled with a hard, aching love for how the world could be and always should be, but now is
Her enthusiasm lasted till lunchtime, fading only when no one came forward to talk to her, to tell her how beautiful she looked that day, to apologize, perhaps, for the late-night phone call. She is so desperate to know who it was. For her this is one in a billion of amazing things that happen to her. Today would be no different at all, she realized. It was just as if nothing had ever happened. What if it never happens again? Thinking to herself she thought that maybe she was sick and this was all just a dream. No one could ever like someone like her, I mean she wasn’t the prettiest and she didn’t have the “perfect
“How long has it been since I’ve felt like this?” I wondered as I walked along the greenish-gray pond. My back baked in the radiating light of the sun while I pondered on about the life I lived leading up to this serene moment.There was a hectic crowded rummaging about, everyone filled with astonishment, boredom, irritation, and exhaustion. Despite all of this everything was in a calm silence. Hordes of people, but I still felt alone.
Thought that there’s no one holding you to me From these chains of love I wanted to free You said that soon I will find someone new Then tell me why ‘til today, it’s still you? Fading away to spiral depression Mind be still in havoc of confusion
Waiting in the courtyard with my band one last visit before they go off to college, a representative of the Emily Program walks towards me explaining what the procedure was. Knowing the other two would pay attention I look around at the surroundings and in the corner I notice an orange tree, I wonder if that is where Skylar sits when she gets a free period. A caramel hand slips into mine and I look up to see the pianist pulling me with the representative into the building. As we walk through the maze of corridors we stop at a room, or a jail. The gray room is eerie and as we step into the room we see Skylar, her frame dwarfed by the band shirt she’s wearing. Hearing the door open she looks up her face hollow and her eyes no longer hold the same sparkle. As my eyes catch hers the wish that I was stronger for her resurfaces, as if she can sense my thoughts she quickly raises and beckons me to her. Three strides and I hug her pulling her frail form into my body. Her bony hands hold me close. I feel her thin lips near my ear and her husky voice brushes against my earlobe, “You are so strong, I’m sorry sweetie I was weak”. I feel the guilt and self-loathing that has built up finally leave my body as I clung to her frame. Knowing that she never blamed me, I was finally able to accept my actions, as those of a child, a child scared and afraid to lose the person that meant the most
"I have always loved the roller coaster, not just the anticipation of what lies over the hill that you cannot see, but the excitement that this time may be the one when something happens. Something terminal." Picking up the helmet he wondered, would she understand, was she the one? "I'll be fine thanks," stopping for a moment he turned to her, looking at her as if in confidence, moving a little closer. Smelling the kitchen on her, the diner food, in some ways it made him hungry. It was her eyes he wanted to see, see them now. Before it all. They were open already, full of life, and something else.
My cheeks hurt from smiling so much, my stomach felt like swirls, I could smell the salt water, and listened to the waves gently kissing the rocks below us. You held my clammy hand, but you didn’t pull away.. I felt like I was in a movie, two teens go on a first date to a park, sitting on a bench right next to a cliff, looking off into the distance of miles and miles of ocean. You stood up and started walking into the woods and called me over to follow. There was a steep hill that we had to trot down to get to the shore. Right when we were about to break through the woods onto the beach, we found a little tree house that was left all alone. We climbed high up into the tree to finally reach our destination. The tree house overlooked the whole beach. By this time the sun was setting. The sky filled with vibrant colors of orange and pink. We sat there until it was almost completely dark out, we climbed back down and hurried up the steep hill and walked to the bus stop, still holding hands. You kissed my cheek as I got off at my stop, my face turned the color of the inside of a grapefruit. All the way home all I could think about is hoping I would be able to see you again
I sat down with my boy on the recliner he hopped up as I read the paper back to him. This seemed Like a cozy get up for a boy to grow up in, but as I began to read my mind was adrift into other things. I had to split sometime soon but I couldn’t help think “what awaits me there?” I thought of a time when I lived in the city, New Orleans. Late one night while I was a private dick I lit my cigarette and began listening to the smooth jazz of the night. The cool wind of the night brushed my face and wavered my smoke as I pulled my hat down I noticed some grifter out of the corner of my eye. I kept walking. The sly grifter moved along the shadows.
As if the anxiety washing over me like a wave of heat isn’t enough, I'm pulled into a dark lonely place by my depression. Nothing sends me to that lonely place quite as much as seeing the one thing I desire most of all but can't get: a beautiful girl. I look out the wall of windows that is the store front from my small cluttered cash register stall. I see her coming out of the restaurant up the sidewalk. She is well dressed, and made up for a fancy meal she jut finished. She stands there joking and laughing with her friends and
The top of the lake was breathe taking as the pink sky reflected of the rippling water, which went on for what seemed like miles until it hit he trees line. The view was other worldly just like her perception on life. Gabrielle stated, “I try to look for the best in everyone even if they have done me wrong”. With the wind now blowing through her long blonde hair as she looked at me she could tell I wasn’t sure what she had meant by this. She began to elaborate on her last statement. “Not everything someone does should define them. Many people make mistake just as I do. If I was to hold a grudge on everyone that has hurt me, then when would I ever have time to focus on what makes me happy?” She said this and took deep breathe in of this fresh summers air and as let it out while she gave me one her amazing smiles that could light up a room. Gabrielle has always expressed a great amount of love for life as a whole. As the sun got lower in the sky that evening and seemed to nearly fall out of the sky just pasted the horizon we began to wrap up the conversation. Just before it was time to go Gabrielle turned and showed me her tattoo on her side that reads, “Life Is Beautiful”. She explained to me, “Every morning when I wake up, I read this quote that got me through everything in my life and smile, because I know I will always be okay”. When she said to me it stuck with me. She said that with so much
I remember the day just like it was yesterday, the pale color and coldness of her skin. The sky was clear blue, soft, with a touch of red, and the trees seemed stiff in their bright green shade. The wind was blowing with its humid dry air. And All I could do was stand silently in disbelief, caught up in my own thoughts and calm as I ever been. Wondering what I could have done differently to change the course of time, life had taken us upon. Since that very day a chunk of my heart was ripped away, and broken into pieces… “Oh how I miss her so much.”
I think everyone tends to know too much. During that ceremony, I was broken. Just seeing him hold her hand crushed, and to think he merely did it to make me jealous. He was such an idiot. But, I felt myself drawn to that idiot. I can’t believe the words he wrote to me. All this time, I thought he hated me. He never hated me, in fact, he loved me. I couldn’t keep the smile off of my face. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I know I shouldn’t. Yet, I did. I think the thing that made me happiest would be the part about the second letter. I couldn’t wait to read it.