Do Our Kids Get Off Too Easy? By Alfie Kohn

Participation trophies have created many issues on the effects it causes a child in the future. The issues relate to wanting the child to have a nice life, but also wanting them to learn the values and morals that are needed to succeed in this world. In both essays, they want the child to have everything they never had, but most importantly to obtain the grits and tools that will allow them be successful and independent. Participation trophies have caused two major controversies between wanting to teach a child about success and failure to make them work hard, or teaching them about self-esteem and commitment to allow them to work as a team with skills and protocols.

In the article “Rich in Thought: Not Every Olympian Gets Medal,” Richard Paloma mentioned the increasingly self-congratulatory society, which is insisting on the “everyone gets a trophy” custom, particularly in many youth sports league and schools. For instance, the schools which have some “commencement” ceremony and awards to make the students feel special by just moving along to the next grade. The author believes that to build children’s self-esteem, a child must be taught to accept failure and learn from his or her failure to accomplish goals.

Ashley Merryman’s article, “Forget Trophies, Let Kids Know It’s O.K. to Lose” Explains that receiving a trophy for lack of achievement or effort, teaches children that failure is so unacceptable that losing can never happen. Reacting to children 's failure is just as important as celebrating their success. “Children need to know that we learn the most through failure and mistakes”(Forget Trophies, Let Kids Know It’s O.K. to Lose, Ashley Merryman.) Children need to know that it is perfectly fine to lose so that they can learn from the experience. Not giving a child a trophy, and letting them lose isn’t to embarrass children, it 's teaching them it takes a long time to get great at something. Making mistakes is a part of life, and we need to focus on progress and the process not necessarily the rewards and results. The best way for children to boost their self image is by developing their abilities.

Ever wonder about how certain kids were raised? Or how they were prepared for the real world? Alfie Kohn's article, "Do our kids get off too easy" helps understand how people feel about it. Alfie Kohn does that by using facts, pathos, and ethos. Kohn believes that no matter what parents should show unconditional acceptance to their kids.

In the essay “How the Schools Shortchange Boys”, author Gerry Garibaldi addresses the concern of boys’ behaviors in school. Garibaldi first starts out by stating the feminist complaints that girls were “losing their voice” in a male-oriented classroom have precipitated the school’s establishment to be more in their favor. This has led to boys becoming increasingly disconnected inside the classrooms. Garibaldi claims that “only 65 percent earned high school diplomas in the class of 2003, compared with 72 percent of girls.” He continues by mentioning about how girls are outnumbering boys on most university campuses in the country.

When children receive participation trophies they are praised for their efforts rather than the work towards their mistakes. Children will not be fully prepared for the future by allowing them to receive trophies, the children begin to think that all they have to do for a reward is to show up and not put any effort. For example, “In college, those who’ve grown up receiving endless awards do the requisite work, but don’t see the need to do it well” (NY Times). These college kids have many trophies and they received them mainly for being in the activity or club that they participated in. The effect of all the trophies given were that the college students do not complete their assignment and job to the fullest. They stay at a level where it is

The children need to know that doing their absolute best will benefit them in the long run because they’ll receive a reward for all the hard work and dedication that, they put into the activity or sport. “Participation trophies are sugar coating the fact that children did not win at something” (“To Give or not to give participation trophies”). They should not be rewarded for participating and not coming out on top. We set goals to reach them, and be rewarded, we never get anywhere by just participating and not reaching the goals we set. Sports are about learning from mistakes and bettering yourself; for example, in softball, the athlete gets up to bat and the pitcher throws three strikes in a row and they strike out, but when they get back up to hit again they are going to adjust to the pitcher's speed and get a hit the second time around. Children learn from striking out, because making mistakes better them in the long run. If the children are being handed a reward for just participating, they are not learning from their mistakes. Children are not learning from their mistakes; therefore, they are not correcting their mistakes. This generation is learning bad habits at a young age. Parents are not comprehending that a bad work ethic at a young age will only get worse as they get older. For example, if a child scoots by in school and sports with no structure,

Praise given needs to be uplifting and confidence boosting because the child will be more motivated to try harder and do better.In the article “Motivating children” by Leah Davis explains, “Provide a caring, supportive environment where children are respected and feel a sense of belonging”(Leah Davis). The author is trying to say that parents praise should make the child feel good about themselves. When a child feels encouraged then they will be motivated to do better. Praise needs to make a child want to do better and grow from mistakes. Other people think that the more praise the better. They think it is better to give more praise because it makes the parent feel good about them selve and the child will be motivated. In the paragraph Help Kids Feel Good About Themselves states, “Kids who feel good about themselves are less likely to be pressured into doing things they don’t want to do”(Diane Ryles). Kids need to feel good about themselves in order to do well and work hard. Children need to be motivated so when they get to the top they continue to work just as hard. Parents need to make themselves make sense so the child will understand. Another way of thinking about this is that kids need to be given a good mindset. Some people think that kids need to have a good mindset to improve at anything. When a child has a growth mindset they are more likely to

Children are at a higher risk of becoming emotionally unstable when they are continuously being pushed, and left with little to no comfort, while being degraded by a parent.

Significantly, every person wants to be successful in their life; however, it may be a long process of industrious work to achieve their goals. While growing up, children learn from their experiences, failures, and mistakes; therefore, can shape them into the adult they may become. So, in youth sports over the years they have started awarding children's participation trophies. When sport organizations continue to hand out participation awards; consequently, the children are not learning from their losses or they are learning the wrong lessons. Comparatively, Ashley Merryman mentions “ how we react to kids’ failure is just as crucial as celebrating their success.” Now children believe that they will always obtain items without trying, so they

When instilled in the young, pride is a building block of a healthy self-esteem. This is important and necessary to promote a positive self-worth. A child needs to hear that he or she has done something well. Praise will reinforce positive characteristics and does not focus on limitations as it builds pride. He or she should be proud of what they have worked for. Winning a competition is not as important as doing one’s best. When someone does their best they try and strive to do even better just winning sets limits. Without a healthy self-worth, the child feels inferior and shame. When a child feels proud of their accomplishments, they feel good about themself. This will encourage the child to continue to perform at his best. Praise for accomplishments fosters pride. Praise can come from a parent, friend, teacher, or even one self. It is also important to teach the child to

Society has only set them up to fail once they grow up. Allowing everyone to be a winner does not help them in the long run. If we only praise kids for participating and receive an award for it, that is all they will look forward to getting. With the mind set of always getting celebrated for participating, when they grow up they will not be a doer. They will not want to put themselves up against hard challenges because they want to stay within their comfort zone. Losing is a part of life and builds character. Taking losing out of the picture and eliminating that factor for kids causes them to not see the full picture. Creating the mind set of everyone is a winner and there is no losers, is beginning to show greatly in our society. We see these kids graduating college and begin to look for jobs and start a career for themselves. With generation of "winners" go into the real world. They think as though they will jump into that perfect job that pays a nice salary. These kids are graduating and immediately thinking they should be a CEO or owner of a business because they are winners. Unfortunately life doesn't work like that. You have to work your way up the chain. By providing participation trophies for kids, they are not learning how to work for something. Everything must be handed over to them. In life, "you're going to lose more often than you win, even if you're good at something"

Through the child’s perspective researchers have found that feelings of not being good enough lead to lack of inner self esteem and confidence. “No means no” was expressed throughout the their childhood. Threats intimidation and/or manipulation were used and made kids feel helpless. “Do as I say, not as I do” was also expressed a lot; resulting in, obedience or in other words they wait for the parents to tell them what to do. The parents lacked empathy for the developmental age, needs, and desires, which causes them to feel unimportant. Many negative emotions were a no no, and so were argumentative points from children’s perspectives; resulting in, thinking for themselves and their feelings are of no importance. Times parents apologized to their offspring were rare, which meant figuring out what’s right and wrong on their own, and the feeling of they can fix things if they only try harder. Lastly support for the kid’s fundamental developmental discovery was not supported, unless parents were able to take credit for it. This resulted in irresponsible kids, impulsive behaviors, and never feeling like they accomplished or deserved the accomplishments they received (Mental Health Newsletter). Threats and manipulation were things some controlling parents used to get their child to obey them, well this is

Moreover, the authors discuss how American children are not allowed to continuously make mistakes in order to improve and are made to see mistakes as a sign of stupidity. Thus, it has made children or adults to fear failure, for it is believed that mistakes reflect on their capabilities. The passage then transitions to the research with American school children by psychologist Carol Dweck, which is said to have “pinpointed one of the major reasons for the cultural differences that Stevenson and Stigler observed.” In her experiments, she found that children who are commended for their efforts eventually perform better, are more likely to regard mistakes and criticism as useful information that will help them improve, and like what they are learning more than children who are praised by their natural abilities. However, children who are praised for their natural ability focus more on how competent on how they look to other than what they are learning, and become defensive about not doing well or about making mistakes and implants a self-defeating cycle in their minds. Dweck has thus tried to change how Americans view mistakes by changing her students’ perceptions of

People have debated for years whether over-praising children creates a lack of work ethic and drive to succeed. Some say that children need encouragement and words of praise in order to keep from