Fighting For Love Or Letting It Go

People believe that marriage is easy and is the key to love and happiness, but in reality marriage is harder than it looks. Everyone marries for different reasons, for good or for bad. People today don’t understand the meaning of marriage; it is more than just money and appearance. Seeing today’s world of marriage is being influenced by media shows like Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, and Murray makes you realize how society today identifies marriage different. Couples who live unmarried will be happier and have more choices than those that are married in agreement with Catherine Newman’s essay called I Do. Not.: Why I Won’t Marry in the book “Acting Out Culture: Reading and Writing “, by: James S. Miller. Catherine Newman is a writer and an author

It is believed that trial marriages reduces numbers of divorces, but looking at the recent researches we can find, that a couple who cohabit before marriage is twice as likely to divorce, than those who do not cohabit. There are also people who do not believe in marriage and think that it is an old fashioned in a modern world. Those who think like that, see no reason ever to get married, and rather just live together. There is also a financial side. Today to have a nice, traditional wedding is very expensive and not every couple can afford it, so to live without being married is much easier way. In the other cultures, like in Asia or Middle East, cohabitation is still a taboo and it still means shame and social disapproval and in some places it is illegal to live together before marriage. In this case differences between developed countries and less developed countries are also very clear, but there is one side which should make all cultures believe in same things, it is religion. There is no religion, which allows us to have sexual intercourse before marriage, and Eastern cultures strongly comply with these beliefs. But then it looks like Western cultures, where cohabitation cases are much higher, are no longer religious.

There comes a point in everyone’s life that this question or subject is brought up - “Are you dating anyone?” “When are you guys getting married?” When these questions are asked from family and friends, it pressures people into finding that special one. Even though, people do experience those desires and questions for themselves; does it make it right to feel that need? What is marriage? Is marriage a contract or love? What if marriage is not what people perceive it to be? What if marriage is not the happily ever after often seen in the movies? Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens are two scholars that wrote a piece entitled, What If Marriage Is Bad for Us? that contended the institution purpose of marriage is obsolete and in reality bad for society, and how marriage can lead to changed, unhealthy, and distressed.

Now and days I just see so many people just laying down and making babies instead of having values and morals with being married before the kids come. I can’t say all marriages will last because I was married at 20 and we did not last very long at all.

Growing up children are surrounded with a fairy tale life, the ‘happily ever after.’ As girls we are supposed to wait for our prince charming and he will love us forever; and for boys it is finding and rescuing a beautiful princess who can cook, clean, and is loved by all creatures. That is what marriage is based off of as a child, but that perspective changes once we get a small grasp of the concept of love and we really see what marriage is. Marriage is not something anyone goes into lightly and maybe our expectations of the fairy tale life are why divorce is so commonly sought.

It’s for those very reasons that America needs to fight the rising divorce rates. There is more than one way to achieve the goal of lowering divorce rates. One obvious way would be to not make divorce easy to get and enforcing a waiting period. Marriage counseling should have to be taken before receiving a divorce. Lastly all states should allow covenant marriages and support them more than a regular marriage.

I believe that marriage is not meant for everyone because a lot of people are just trying to find someone to buy time or someone to just be there for them. Marrying someone is a privilege, but it is a legal process that you must go through that just makes things complicated. There is a difference between dating and marrying someone. When dating someone, the couple is trying to find a bond between each other as if they are best friends, which can make the best relationship because you can be so close to each other. The only difference between marrying someone is the legal paperwork and a ring on your finger. Another reason I do not agree with Laurie Essig and Lynn Owens is because when couples get divorced, it tends to be a long court process. Usually there is a law involved with a divorce if the spouses have kids, and it usually ends with the mother having the kids and the father paying some sort of child support to help the mother. Growing up with a single mother I have experienced the struggle of not having a father figure around. This destroys a kids’ childhood because every child needs a father role to follow. In most cases my own mother played both roles. This occurs throughout most divorces or single parent homes. A child does not deserve to grow up without either roles in their life because it is not fair.

Stephanie Coontz is a sociologist who is interested in marriage and the change in its structure over the time-span as love became a main proponent of the relationship involved in marriages. In her article, “What 's Love Got to Do With It,” Coontz argues that the more love becomes a part of the equation the less stable the institution of marriage becomes. Marriage at one point was a social contract that bound two families together to increase their property and wealth as well as ally connections. Each party entered into the contract knowing their roles and if one partner failed to meet the expectations, they were still contractually obligated to one another and were not allowed to divorce. As love became part of the equation, each partner was less sure of their obligations and often chose to end their marriages if at all possible.

In over half a century, marriage has transformed from being a social requirement to simply being an option in today’s society. What has caused this change? Many institutions in our society have changed drastically along with marriage. Although these institutions have not caused marriage to be optional, they do strongly correlate with the decreased value. The economy, education, religion, and government have all altered since the 1950s. When any institution encounters a change, all other institutions are affected. Family is a major institution in society, and I believe that marriage is an important aspect of this institution. Cohabitation, religion, women in the work world and divorce have all effected the way marriage is viewed today.

A survey of 14000 adults states in ‘A Guide to Family Issues: The Marriage Advantage’ that marriage was a pertinent factor contributing to happiness and satisfaction with forty percent of the married individuals being happy as opposed to 25 percent of either single or cohabiting individuals. The same study shows that ninety eight percent of never married respondents wished to marry and out of those 88% believed that it should be a lifelong commitment. Even though, divorce rates are rising numerous researches show that young people aspire to have a lasting marriage.

Are tests and courting minimums for marriage a good idea? People marrying today are in to big of a rush, don 't know their partners, or what a long-lasting marriage entails. By reading Stephanie Coontz’s article “The Radical Idea of Marrying for Love” and Aviva Patz “Will Your Marriage Last?” I came to the conclusion that people should spend more time in a dating, and should be tested to see if they are really ready for marriage. Koontz, a historian, wrote an article about the history of marriage and how our current idea of marriage hasn’t always been the norm. Whereas Patz’s article is about research done by Tom Huston, a professor from the University of Texas, on 168 couples throughout their courtship and marriage. From these two articles I realized people should not be able to marry till they have courted for 3 years, and can past a test showing they are ready for marriage.

Marriage matters. If marriage did not matter, would it even be considered when growing up? The common child at some point thinks about getting married and having children. Our society has gone through monumental shifts throughout its history. A theme that has not changed however, marriage, has survived through it all due to its importance. Our children and our health are two of the most important aspects of life. Marriage will help in both of those categories. Children have better relationships with their parents because of marriage. Watching their parents, they grow up having better relationships themselves. Increased success in school has been noted. Families are more financially stable,

Another possibility for many people not getting married for the right reasons include social pressures enacted on them by either their parents or society. Unbeknownst to many, arranged marriages exist in some American families. Granted, they are mostly from recently immigrated Indian populations, but they are Americans just the same. With the culture shock that these people receive on the notion of marriage, it is no wonder that divorce taken so lightly.

I am not in any way saying that marriage is easy and I believe divorce rates are increasingly high because our generation and those past are becoming accustomed to the eases of today’s lifestyle, the marriages that last are the ones that truly understand the commitment that is being made not just seeing it as the final step in a relationship because this is not in any way true. The advancement of a relationship doesn’t end with marriage or children, after all there is a lifetime ahead of you with the person you have married, there will be trials and some of the most difficult times of your life. Marriage requires a commitment to fall in love with that person over and over again each day.

In the generation where my grandparents came from, marriages were purely arranged by the elderly. Mothers or aunts usually selected a marriage partner for their sons. My grandparents got married when both of them were very