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Hepolah Blackout Analysis

Decent Essays

Presented below are findings from an interpretative phenomenological analysis of Sarah Hepolah’s Blackout: Remembering the things I drank to forget.
Theme 1: The divided self
A divided sense of self is a prevalent theme throughout the memoir whereby Sarah described her experience of addiction as providing a route from feeling ‘sluggish’ and ‘stupid’ to ‘strong’ and ‘forceful’. Sarah’s experience of sobriety was evidently challenging. Throughout the memoir there is a common recurrence of conflict about Sarah’s self-worth, with admirable qualities about herself being perceived as deriving from alcohol consumption. Sarah’s attempts to maintain this positive identity consequently led her to become trapped within her addiction, and over time, lose …show more content…

From the outset of the extract, Sarah’s thoughts about alcohol were in a constant flux, with conflicting views about alcohol present throughout. Initially, alcohol is perceived as a facilitator for sociability and excitement whereby risky behaviours are valued. Sarah’s comparison of sobriety to a deflated balloon suggests a lack of enjoyment within a life deprived of alcohol, and as a result, Sarah relied upon the substance to experience satisfaction. As highlighted by the previous theme, alcohol had a considerable impact on Sarah’s sense of self. Compared to that of helium to a balloon (a substance that causes a balloon to rise), alcohol is perceived as a substance that uplifts Sarah’s self-worth and enables her to escape from reality. Sobriety, in contrast, is compared to a deflated balloon in that it grounds Sarah, bringing her back to reality where she lacks self-esteem. However, there is an underlying tone of resentment towards alcohol. For example, Sarah’s choice of the word ‘cheap’ to describe sex produces a negative association to a passionate act that should be intimate and affectionate. Rather, Sarah views the behaviour as worthy of no respect and of little value. It is therefore evident that Sarah experienced an internal battle with alcohol, where on the one hand she had attributed positive qualities to it such as enjoyment and confidence, but at the same time acknowledged that it influenced her to behave in ways she scrutinised as being undignified and

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