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Humorous Wedding Speech

Decent Essays

If I should have a son, he will refer to me as "Queen," because all women are to be treated like that. And I am going to write every "nice" word on the backs of his hands so he remembers what to say to those girls in his first grade class who are chasing him around the play ground. And he will learn to not even look at his hands to talk to a girl. So the first time he actually start liking a girl in middle school, he will never mess up or say the wrong thing or hurt her. Because his mother taught him those things. Trust me. "And, baby," I'll tell him, I've been your Queen and now she is your Princess. And that little girl will love you for that. She will wonder why you call her that. You just tell her I call you that because that’s the way …show more content…

Thank you.
All right, so I want you to take a minute, and I want you to think of two things you know to be true about women. They can be true or false. But don’t think to hard. Okay, ready?
So two things I know about women. I know that not all of them like to stand up here while their palms are sweaty and shaking from the excitement of talking to large audiences. And I know that not all women are the same.
Those are two things I know. But there are many things that I don’t quite comprehend. So I ask people and google them. Sometimes, even after that, I didn’t find the answer. But at least I figured something else out.
In my 11 years of schooling, I have learned that not all girls are the same. Not all women are the same. When I was a sixth grader, some girls were taller. Some were shorter. And some were chubby. While others were only skin and bones. I had a variety of friends. Tall ones, short ones, skinny and chubby ones. Even nice ones and mean …show more content…

And it was borderline disgusting. So we encouraged each other to stay away from those kinds of guys until we found the right one. Instead of investing our time into guys, we were passionate about dance and homework. Just to stay away from boys.
In preparing for TED, I came across one of my old dairies with a page about how when I was a fifth grader I thought men and women should have equal rights. And be paid the same. And be treated the same. So even as a fifth grader, I knew how women were treated was not the same as men, and that wasn’t okay. But that is how this society was.
My parents named me Olivia, which is the actress of Sandy in Grease. In Grease, Sandy knew Danny wasn’t treating her the way he should. So she laughed and moved on. So if you told me I wasnt being treated like a Queen – or a Princess, I would probably laugh too. I might even laugh so hard I forget that what I'm laughing at isn't even funny. This isn't my first time here. This isn't my last time here. These aren't the last times I will say these words. But just in case, I'm trying my hardest for everyone to feel like a

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