I Was The Oldest Of 3 Children

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As a child, we always dream of how our lives would turn out. As a little girl living in a broken home, I knew those dreams would never come true. I could only hope my determination and will was going to get me out of my crazy life. I was so young, and I didn 't understand why I had to live in such circumstances. The overwhelming burden of having irresponsible parents, the responsibility of my siblings, and my personal battle with depression caused me to grow up too fast. I felt like I was a mom at the age of 12. I was the oldest of 3 children. I was always reminded of this every day. Everything was on my shoulders. I oversaw getting my siblings dressed, bathed, and fed daily Therefore, I was missing the love I so desperately wanted. My …show more content…

Welt after welt tear afte r tear. I pleaded with her many times to leave me alone and quit hitting me all the time, I was just a kid, and wasn 't perfect. I just wanted to be free of this life. It was time to start thinking of me. I was never going to be good enough for my mother. I cried myself to sleep most nights, dreaming of a life away from my surroundings. Going to school and being with my friends, was my get away. To fill the void, I began to stay the night often at my best friend 's house. She had a family full of more love and kindness more than I could ever imagine. I was elated not being at my home that was full of emptiness and animosity. My friend 's parents were always involved with everything we did. They even included me in all the family outings. I felt that I genuinely belonged somewhere.
The only times my friends and I went to my house was to smoke and drink alcohol. My mother was not like other mothers. She did not care what I did. She even provided my friends and me with the cigarettes and alcohol. Because of this, I finally thought my mom was cool. However, my friends only saw the outside surface. They did not see how much I was drowning in my sorrow. I needed a better parent, not another friend. I wanted someone to respect and look up to for guidance.
I tried very hard to hide everything I felt, but the pain did not subside. I tried different drugs to cope with the pain. I didn 't even know where to turn

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