I'M Still Deep In Mourning...Again. Only, It'S Not Over

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I 'm still deep in mourning...again. Only, it 's not over the death of a loved one. I 'm mourning the loss of yet another illusion of a longtime friendship with someone who supposedly loved me and wanted the best for me. In hindsight, I 'm not sure I believe that was ever the case. This was not just anyone, but someone I have considered "family" for a long time, who let me know that sentiment was not mutual in no uncertain terms, despite claiming otherwise for years. Since the "final straw" incident, I have come to the harsh realization through dissecting and reflecting on the entirety of our relationship, that I have been confusing this person 's now evident disdain for me with love, because that 's what I was taught love is supposed to…show more content…
From now on, I will protect my heart. I 'm angry. Not with them, but with myself for being so willfully blind to reality for so long. Looking back on the overall relationship, I now recognize all the same patterns I 've excused and ignored for years, and this is just another person who seems to get a kick out of my inner turmoil... Yet another "friend" who has been using me to feel better about their own life for a very long time. I can 't express how much it hurts every time I realize someone has never cared for me the way I have cared for them. And it just keeps happening. It 's been nearly two weeks since I authored the first post that was inspired by this agonizing reawakening. This one has been almost as devastating to accept as the death of my marriage was. Almost. I even had to take a mini-break from Facebook, because I couldn 't stand watching the facade crumble before my eyes, while everyone else is still lapping up the lies. I couldn 't take knowing what I know, but watching everything go on as usual. (Truth be told, if it weren 't for work and support groups, I 'd take a permanent vacation from Facebook.) I finally took an honest look at the whole relationship with fresh, educated eyes, and I cannot ignore the red flags any longer. (I 've been doing that my entire life, and look where it 's gotten me.) I won 't be placing people who continue to inflict harm on me ahead of my own needs anymore. It doesn 't matter who they are, what

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