I'M Still Deep In Mourning...Again. Only, It'S Not Over

John evolved into my best friend and, wrapping myself in his world, I disregarded the importance of my core group of friends. We reached interpersonal commitment and all of my time belonged to John. We went to events and hung out according to his time frame, with little consideration for my needs. All John said was “no, I don’t want to do that,” and I respected his decision. Looking

Before my big move to Houston about three years ago for college, it was my last summer back home in a little city called Amarillo, which is considered “West Texas,” although it’s actually located geographically north within the heart of the Texas Panhandle. I was enjoying every last bits of the time that I’ve had left with my friends and family. The last thing I could think of worrying about during that summer was a romantic relationship. My intentions were to make bittersweet memories and to have what they would call, fun. I went out almost every single weekend for the first month of my last summer and met tons of friends and I became closer to old casual friends. Within that first month of consistently going out and hanging out with all these friends that I became close to, I met a very sweet, charming, and interesting guy named Andy. Something about him caught my attention. He was silly and funny without even trying, so I took an interest in him. We started messaging each other on Facebook then texting and making polite conversations. Before I knew it, this was the starting point to a whole new friendship. When he first messaged me, as much as I hesitated to respond to him because I knew I was moving and I did not want to develop feelings just leave everything behind, I wanted to not just respond but to strike more conversations. I became curious about him and I wanted to find out more and more.

It wasn’t just due to the fact that they tormented me, but also because they had no problem doing so. It was almost as if their heart was accompanied by a black hole that had no end. I refused to even think about forgiveness or even speaking to them. I wanted nothing to do with people who were blind to another person’s feelings.

These past days, I’ve been dealing with a “friend” who meant so much to me, but “did

Men in out society are referred to as tough, emotionless, strong and dependable. Often a man that cries is perceived as soft and weak; therefore we may be led to believe that men do not have a problem. However, this statement is incorrect. Men who are “tough” and do not cry as a response to grief are actually the men we should be most worried about because they tend to bottle up their emotions. Masculine patterns of coping with grief are different but not less effective than the more conventional or feminine ways of dealing with a loss (Doka, K. J., & Martin, T. L., 2010). The use of the word masculine response to grief is not always the most proper term. Some women respond in the same way as men when responding to grief and men sometimes responds

This isn't my story to tell. It isn't really anyone's, it requires too much honesty, but if anyone is supposed to share, it's not me. I'm quite glad about that. I'm not being forced to violate our unspoken agreement for silence. I have no obligation to end our mutual delusion that because we don't speak of it, it's over. I just have to. Confess. Repent. Remove this... this thing, that clings to my sanity like a parasite, stop the endless echo of the words through my head. Out of limbo and into the light. I'm ready.

When presented with this question one person popped into my mind. This connection was more forced at first in a sense. That is, it was one of my sorority sisters, so of course being in a sorority we are all kind of forced to make a connection. Once we got passed the force part, this person and myself really did make a connection and one that I thought was good at the time. This connection happened like I stated above: hanging out, talking, making memories, and being there for each other. However, this connection definitely started to turn around though when the person started to take advantage of my personality and me. I am a very empathetic person, who does too much for people to be honest, and will never stick up for myself because to me, me being upset is not as bad as me possibly upsetting the other person and them not being happy. This person definitely knew this and started to use that to their advantage. This person would say things, or do things, or pull things because they knew I would never tell them that it was not okay. It took me over four months too, to realize what was happening and once I did I was devastated. My feelings went from what I feel in a connection, to a sense of confusion, sadness, angry,

Loss, transitions, and grief affect all people young and old. Losses and grief can be a result of unemployment, miscarriage, loss of hearing or vision, loss of physical or cognitive abilities, infertility, cancer, illness, moving, ending a relationship, not receiving a promotion, becoming an empty nester, a rejection letter from a university, and numerous other losses. Hayhoe (2006), states a period of change as a transition, which is determined by an individual’s own perception whether it is good or bad (p. 63). “All transitions bring a sense of loss for the old path and uncertainty about the new path” (Hayhoe, 2006, p.64). Specifically, Hayhoe studied the effects of unemployment on people. The research found “unemployed individuals show

Even though I’m an awkward and bashful, hanging out with you for a short period of time was still nice. You definitely left an impression, which isn’t entirely a good thing. You are the first person who has ever totally denied my existence by not opening a chat. You are the first person who has ever deemed a conversation with me unworthy of a response and explanation. You are the first person who has ever cut contact with me because of something unbeknownst to me. I’m not the type to write a letter to someone I barely know; I’m not the type to legitimately grasp for answers. It seemed like nothing was wrong, but there must have been. I can’t think of any other reason for this. You don’t even have to respond, just promise me something: If you ever talk to someone else, someone like me, don’t ignore them for no particular reason. Don’t exit a conversation without letting them know what’s going on. If you’re not into it, let them know. Even if it’s hard, even if you think it will hurt them, because nothing hurts more than questioning yourself. There’s a sense of confusion that births sadness and

I am not a very emotional person when it comes to grief or happiness, but my anger and deviousness along with my stubborn personality provides an interesting reaction to most situations. For example, I found out that my friend talked about me to a group of girls I did not like. My rational: “Okay, she is supposed to be my friend, yet she talked negatively about me. I don’t need a person like that in my life. She cannot be trusted. I should confront her, but what do I say. Do I act as if I don’t care or do I make a huge deal about it because it did hurt my feelings? I think I am just going to confront her and inform her of what I know and see if she actually said these things. This is a rumor of course.” No matter how much I planned that I would listen to what she had to say without making any judgements and ultimately walk away the bigger person, it did not work. I asked her if she said those things about me and she denied it. Instead of trusting her, I verbally attacked her to the point where I became the offender rather than the victim in this interpersonal

Ever since I could remember, when I get upset with someone who does me wrong, I completely cut them off without forgiveness. However, I decided to forgive a friend who was irritating and bothersome. When I was with this person I would have thought of “This person is a jerk” and “She’s so rude”. I suppose she acted this way because she is the only child, therefore she does not know how to treat other people. In addition, she is in an environment that is similar to the way she behaves, thus, she knows no better way to conduct herself. Now that I look back on our relationship as friends, her good quality’s slightly outweighed her negative ones. Even though I slightly resent her I do wish her well and hope she succeeds in life. Moving forward I

Realize that the opposite person might not forgive you and should not would like to continue knowing you. this might appear unfair, and it should really be unfair, however you have got to respect the desires of the opposite person. within the case of associate unacceptable apology, make certain to not lose your temper. Leave space for the connection to resume at a later date by parting on a positive note. during this manner, you'll understand that you just have done everything potential, and you'll be able to resume your life while not the burden of

I came up with rationalizations for nearly everything he did. I stopped voicing them. I quit making excuses for him, to him. It was difficult to accept that there may have been no decent justification for most of his poor choices, that he was incapable of learning that doing things the same way will not suddenly yield different results. I kept trying to explain simple cause and effect life circumstances to him. I was hurt, maddened, insulted, frustrated, heartbroken, isolated and hopeless.

One of the mistakes I was dealing with was my ex-boyfriend wasn’t treating me right. There would be days he go without talking to me or he would always put work first because he was a music producer. For some reason I loved him so much that I kept trying to talk to him to make it work and have a better relationship with communication, but it didn’t work out like that. He would constantly do things like ignore my messages, not come around my family, and say that he is tired. I was fed up and I wanted to leave him so bad but I could not because I had so much love for him. The more I stayed in the relationship the more I was hurting and getting betrayed more. I stayed in this relationship

“You’re such a lying b*tch!” He screamed “Why did i ever like you”, this is how it was for me, a red hot face in front of me screaming things that were false but wanted to make a scene to better his reputation for others. Laughing was all I heard from his friends, friends that not even a day ago I was laughing with, but this is how things were now for me most people were on his side for something that never happened. My friends by my side kept me strong as I walked away not wanting to cause the scene to get worse, the walk was like a walk of shame as my legs shook with each step, my face as white as a ghost and eyes teary, as I got to the bathroom I laid my head against the wall and took in deep breathes to stop myself from yelling or hitting something. This was just something I couldn’t take anymore, the lies, the friendships breaking and even the tears, but I wasn’t going to give up this was something someone had to deal with so this wouldn’t happen to someone else because this feeling is something no one should go through. The next couple of days went the same with the yelling and the jokes except today was different, at lunch he decided to torment one of my friends and bothered him which ended up in a fist-fight which was not a pretty sight to see two red faces screaming at each other and white knuckles hitting each other in the face, two days later he began to start talking smack on me in a class and once again one of my friends (whose names shall not be given) punched