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Irrational Narcissism

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Let's approach this analytically. Let us not naively trust our emotions without questioning them, thereby deceiving ourselves. Do my thoughts wend their way in his direction because he interests me? Is it because he is a man of intelligence, every word from his mouth scholastically weighty, all the confidence of premeditation ringing firmly through every sentence? Or is my imagination so charitable toward him because he has bestowed upon me special attention with his keen and slightly narrowed stare, his raised eyebrows, and the expectant parting of his lips? If the former, my colorful fantasies are in a way justified; if the latter, I fall victim to a wild vein of irrational narcissism. Certain that he fixes me in his gaze due to my inexhaustible merits, I allow his admiration of me to erect a reciprocal admiration in me without regard to any traits he might possess. In this case, it is the thought of his affection for me that sends a wave of pleasure down my spine and a burst of color to my cheeks, not my affection for him. He might be of the best …show more content…

When, monitoring carefully my body's chemical reactions, I consider his intelligence, meticulous rhetoric, and wry wit -- all amiable traits in a gentleman -- I feel nothing. Conversely, when I think of the occasions in which his unrelenting stare has held me captive, my heartbeat quickens, my cheeks redden, and that curiously light feeling in the stomach I have heard described as "butterflies" begins to emerge. Why would his gaze incite such a reaction? Surely his curious practice of staring, unblinking and unsmiling, like doctor somberly analyzing a troubling X-Ray, should disturb and confuse me rather than excite me. The fact that it does not leads me to conclude that my mild obsession is not the result of rational emotion, but of foolish pride. Moreover, with reason as my impetus, I banish this illogical emotion, and will entertain such nonsense no

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