Memoir- Losing my best friend

Tears poured down my face like I was in a rain forest, hugged my mom tightly as if she was a cuddly stuffed animal and I prayed, prayed like I’ve never prayed before. Not really knowing what was going on or what was going to happen. My sister arrived home, followed by my dad shortly after. While we waited to hear back from the hospital, we sat on the couch in the living room bawling our eyes out probably. Don’t worry, I will tell you about what is going on.

One of my favorite memories is going in the field and rolling around till every spot was full of mud. We go from fishing in the summer, to jumping in the waterfall and ice skating in the winter. When we went to six flags we rode the roller coaster until we felt sick. She knows how to make the smallest things into something fun. When we asked to go strawberry picking we didn't get one strawberry in the bucket, but at least are tummy’s were full. One of the scariest moments in my life is when Mckenah feel and hit her head. When I ran over to her she was awake but not moving. I carried her into the house and looked down and seen fear on her face. I asked her some questions and she had no memory of the last month. She could move everything but she said her head hurt. Knowing that my parents weren’t home, I didn’t know what to do other than telling her “I’m right here everything is going to be okay”. McKenah was know crying and as I called my grandma I started to cry too. I tried to stay strong for her and hide my tears as I got her up. On the way to the hospital I remember her looking up and telling me “ i’m glad you're here”. I stayed with McKenah the whole time at the hospital with her parents, and went to her house as often as I could to visit her. These memories make me thankful to have McKenah as my friend, and I cherish every memory even if they're small

I felt lonelier standing inside the room. I walked toward her bed and put my hand on top of her eyes. Her blank eyes had finally closed. I looked at my hand. “Violet.

I slowly walked into the dark and daunting room. She has beckoned for me once again. She always has and she always will, no matter how many years we spend apart. She was like a drug to me. I hated the addiction but would easily fall back into the habit as soon as she would offer herself to me.

Were at the doctor’s, Kaylynn is 10 months old. It’s her normal 2 months appointment. The doctor has that look that something wrong. I can tell because she is my best friend and I am her nurse. Were sitting in the room. It’s Bright and colorful Kaylynn smiling her cute little smile just makes everything feel better. Dr.Kay walks in, she has bad news.

“I’d say so.” I smiled. We sat in a brief comfortable silence, until the nurse came in, indicating visiting hours were

Her voice message ended and I quickly went to her contact to face time her. I set my phone against a pillow while it rang as I quickly put on a pair of sweatpants and sat down on the bed. It rang two times before she picked up. I looked at her, her eyes were red and her lips were swollen.

I thought some piece of me would instinctively realize when she passed, especially since I knew the moment was imminent. But I did not. The nurse had to tell me. And just like that, the cautious optimism I had begun to let myself feel for the past ten days while they tried to give her just a few more weeks, burst.

I haven’t slept in weeks, the thought of mom’s death has been creeping in more and more lately. Ever since that night things have never been the same and I find myself enraged at the world around me. Dad made Autumn stop dancing, the thought of her dancing reminded him of how mom had loved dancing and how it had caused her death. Little did he know she never stopped, she trained in secret, and I supported her along the way. Autumn was the only one who was there for me after mom died. We became closer to each other, our own support systems in a sense. That was until she left me to be with Sylvia. I was alone, and when I needed her most she left me. I still had my girlfriend Claire, but we were growing apart. When she left too, what life I had left finally shattered. Leaving me to deal with the impact in solitude.

We talked for a little while longer, then we said our goodbyes. I was still amazed by how well she was handling the news and all the scary surgeries and treatments that came with her diagnosis. I was rather upset that we were not going to be able to visit after her next surgery, but I knew she would have plenty of people there to help and support her. My family and I moved about four hours away when I was in sixth grade, and it was tough to adjust to not seeing her near as often because I had spent so much time with her when I was

I remember that it hurt, looking at her hurt. A beautiful line, no doubt, but I mustn’t take credit. I remember seeing her at her best. I remember telling myself that she would get better. I remember seeing what she would post on Facebook and pretending that I thought she wasn’t slowly killing herself. I remember seeing the blades sitting on her desk and throwing them in the trashcan and acting like they didn’t hold any significance, only to repeat the process the next weekend. I remember hearing her stories about falling out of that damned tree and telling myself, “Oh yeah. Those scars could totally be scrapes from the tree bark.” I remember ignoring the brokenness of her smile. I remember not doing anything about it, and I remember foolishly telling myself that it was all in my head.

The morning of July twentieth we received a call, I remembered I had a very bad feeling about my nephew the night before but I decided to just sleep it off. When I heard my older sister on the other end bawling my heart had just completely drowned down into my stomach.

It is amazing how many things we take for granted. We make plans for the day, and don't think twice about how those plans can be taken away in the blink of an eye. I never thought much about it myself, until I was faced with the shock, and undeniable truth of my cousin's death. I don't think anyone really thinks about tragedy until they are actually faced with shocking news.

I’m Kellie Clarkson I have an amazing life, ok I had meant to say. I had a best friend, family, friends, and even my own killer ha-ha, but I don’t have anyone now because of October 13th the night everything went away. I hope you’re not like everyone else and think I’m berserk just sit back and enjoy as I tell you about my berserk life.

It was Tuesday, July 18th. I was a nervous wreck. In desperate need of clothes to wear to impress... her. I begged my best friend Todd to join me at Woodfeild mall. He gave in and we went. Todd and I shopped for hours. Nothing looked good enough for...her. We were running out of time. I made-do with four short sleeve shirts from Champs and two pairs of sweatpants shorts from h&m. The total came out seventy dollars. We walked out and got into Todds car. I was shaking the entire ride home. Will she like it? Am I going to look fat? What about my acne? What if she doesn’t end up liking me? Nothing else crossed my mind as we pulled up to my house and I was dropped off. There was around an hour and a half until I had to leave. I walked inside