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The Hards Among Usa Analysis

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A stressed magazine journalist has to debunk his own family curse that predicts he’ll be dead by his next birthday.

STORY COMMENTS

THE DARKNESS AMONG US is a compelling paranormal thriller-horror tale with an excellent concept. The plot presents with a solid hook with the idea of a journalist debunking his own family curse. The goal is clear and the stakes are life and death. There’s a natural ticking clock tension with the idea that the protagonist will die by his next birthday. The audience is fully engaged with the plot from the opening until the very end.
One can easily envision the script as a feature film.
The script uses some smart techniques that make for a successful film: an ominous, foreboding tone, tease attacks, spooky
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His name is mentioned on page 57, but it feels a bit jarring and then conveniently Chris connects Tanner with the psychic’s office. It might work more effectively if the picture of Tanner is planted in the opening scene at the psychic’s office or if Tanner is going into her office as Chris comes out.
Also, show Chris researching Jynx on the computer. It’s a bit unclear how he’s able to come up with the name Tanner too.

The story needs a strong midpoint. Consider killing the character of Dorothy to provide for a stronger payoff and add more tension (consider that it looks like a suicide) or kill someone else. This type of story really needs a midpoint-point inciting event that changes things for Chris and takes the story in a new, but related direction.
The finding of Gabriel, around the midpoint, helps to take the plot in a new, but related direction, but the story needs a more compelling plot beat, something that’s scary/exciting (a death) to push Chris into the direction of Gabriel.
Also, remember the opening scene makes it look like a suicide, so the twist about the death certificate and Chris learning his father died from a suicide vs. murder, isn’t a twist for the
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