The Shame Of A Shame Based Culture

We so often hear people talk about their high expectations for women, we usually don’t even give it a second thought anymore. Society expects women to be thin—but not too thin, be fit—but not too fit, be society’s definition of “beautiful”. Whatever that is. Women are judged no matter what they look like, how they dress, how they act. They are judged and it is fully accepted because it’s so

Isn’t it so easy to look at someone and consider them a certain way? If someone is underweight, people consider them anorexic, and if someone is overweight, people consider them obese. Making assumptions such as "she is too skinny, she probably starves herself", or "he is fat, he must be eating McDonald's all day" are some examples of ignorant comments. Instead of judging someone for being obese or underweight, people should consider the reasons the problem. Individuals who suffer from obesity might suffer from hormonal problems, thyroid, or have a slow metabolism. Same goes for individuals who are underweight, they might suffer from hyperthyroidism, excessive stress, or anorexia. Instead of judging individuals on their weight, people should consider them to be just like themselves. Therefore, people should not judge others based on body shapes, because they might not know about some of the serious illnesses that can result in the

Profoundly interpersonal, the experience of shame is also therefore social and cultural. Shame is the result of feeling deficient, whether in relation to a parent, an admired friend, or a more powerful social group (39).

When studying shame, Brené Brown (2006) found that many people brought up feelings of being trapped. These same people felt as though others had the same feelings of being trapped but still had difficulty sharing these feelings. The areas that most women had shame about were their body image, sexuality, parenting, their job, religion, aging, speaking out, surviving trauma, family, and motherhood (Brown, 2006) These same topics were the most common in the sessions I sat in on and in group. Many counselors at Mindful Soul specialized in areas such a trauma, parenting, and family due to how often they are the root causes of a clients visit.

Have you ever felt so ashamed that you have become ashamed of who you are becoming? Shame is always reminding people it is a soul eating disease. For instance, in the book The Kite Runner Baba and Amir are so caught up in their shame they can hardly stand each other. In the beginning of the novel Baba pays no attention to Amir and by the end of the novel Amir realizes why his father paid no attention to him. We can become a changed person by facing our shame and allowing it to remain in the past while we move on to our future.

The characters in the book are starting to ignore the shame. In the book, Chanda tells Mrs.Tafa over the phone, “‘ I’m not ashamed of AIDS! I’m ashamed of being ashamed!’” (181). This shows that people like Chanda are ignoring the shame and doesn’t care about being shamed. She doesn’t care if people judges her. In the book, Mrs.Tafa says, “‘So what? The neighbors will know.’” (181). This shows that not everyone is going to ignore the shame like Mrs.Tafa because they are still afraid of being shamed. This also shows that the shame levels are still high and that many people are still afraid of being shamed. This is how the book shows changes throughout the book about how the characters feel about shame and that the shame levels are slowly

According to Harris Perry, in Sister Citizen, there are three essential elements in the emotion of shame (104). The first element of shame is social; the fear of embarrassment or humiliation around others in our community. For Black women the social element of shame may cause all-encompassing feelings of guilt, especially when the possibility of public exposure by others to those who are family or close personally.

Shame is unspoken, it is the main secret behind different forms of broken behaviors. The aspiring researcher Brene Brown, in her earlier talk, “The Power of Vulnerability”, which became a viral hit and the most favored TED Talk video, explores what the possibilities are when people confront their shame. Along with her most recent video “Listening to Shame”, Brown speaks of both shame and vulnerability throughout the presentation. She digs into the uncomfortable, unacceptable, and human emotions that we keep deep within us and dares us to show our authentic selves. The presentation includes the rhetorical appeals of ethos, logos and pathos to build the fundamental objectives of the talk. In which throughout her talk, Brown portrays great credibility

In her article, Peggy Orenstein touches on how females develop skewed body standards from the media and others around them at a young age. Parents start to worry about their daughter’s body image even if they fall within “the female body standards” based on how others may view them. Children as young as Kindergarten start to gain a sense of “fat phobia” meaning they are afraid of either becoming fat or fatter people. She also writes about ways parents can help combat the body expectations put on daughters, like stressing what a daughter’s body can do, praising accomplishments, getting her involved in a sports team, and volunteering. She incorporates the idea that to children, physical appearance is becoming more prevalent than ones’ characteristics. On page 3 of “Fear of Fatness,” Orenstein mentions how the phases of life are becoming blurred: girls are trying to look like adult women, and adult women are trying to look more like young girls. One of the last things that Orenstein makes clear in her article is that

Dr. Sandra D. Wilson (2001) asks, “Have you ever felt as if you were the only caterpillar in a butterfly world? Do you often feel as if you have to do twice as much to be half as good as other” (p. 16)? If you answered, yes, then that is what Wilson (2001) calls binding shame. “Shame is the soul-deep belief that something is horribly wrong with me that is not wrong with anyone else in the entire world. If I am bound by shame, I feel hopelessly, distinguishingly different and worthless (p. 16).

The basis for vulnerability is the ability to be genuine. Being ashamed and vulnerable are very similar to each other, both require self acknowledgement of oneself and the fear of being disconnected. Brown’s research confirms this by recognizing how hard it is for people to be genuine due to the fear of rejection. Vulnerability is the ability to be genuine regardless of how great the possibility to disconnect and isolation. Brown’s interview people who felt self worth and

A quote by the author that highlights this idea of not being able to be who you are is, “I wanted to be a princess and a prince; but I would never have said so, then”. This emphasizes the underlying fear many have of being judged by the outside world. It is very unfortunate that so many are still unable to say the things they wish to say and dress the way they want to dress because society perceives it to be unacceptable or wrong.

Social anxiety is considered common in many countries, and even though Taijin Kyofusho may have first been described in Japan, there is still research that has contradicted the idea that this disorder is a culture bond phenomenon, because data is lacking in the study of TKS since much of this disorders research information is derived from mostly clinical samples. It is more likely that society norms and expectations are likely to play a major role in shaping how these subjects think, emotionally and behaviorally. Shame and collectivism behaviors are more prominent behaviors found in East Asian societies and are likely predisposing factors. While those in the West, are more individualized and advantageous in behavior, may nevertheless not

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change”(Brené Brown). In The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne, a woman is publicly shamed for having a child with a man who is not her husband. Another example of public shame can be seen in modern day articles “Florida ‘Scarlet Letter’ Law is Repealed by Gov. Bush,” by Dana Canedy, and “Houston Couple Gets ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Treatment.” Both talk of public shame that people have had to endure in the present day. Public shaming is not an effective punishment because it is a cruel and unusual punishment, it does not deter crime, and it can emotionally traumatize the one being shamed.

In every country in the world there are certain levels of shaming that every society has, where some countries have extreme shame than others. Shaming is form of criticism and judgement when an individual violates social or moral norms. Shaming fundamentally reacts our psychological need for acceptance and approval from either someone or the public. It is true that for centuries, shame has been given a negative name, but there is reason why shame has existed for a long time and why it will continue to exist in the future. Shaming should be part of society since it brings order and control, it causes people to reflect their wrong doing, and it creates a positive change that affects everyone. Shaming should be part of the society since shaming, most of the time, brings positive results.