Until I Was Dying, I Was Not Living. This May Sound Paradoxical

Since I was young, there was a communication barrier that existed between me and the outside world. My shyness led me to many downfalls on my academic side. Not understanding a topic would mean that I would never be able to clarify any questions that were on my mind. Until around 6th grade, I always considered myself introverted; I had the inability to blend in with strangers, peers and teachers.

I also soon realized that the activities that I participated in were deemed gender specific by not only the students around me but the adults as well. I was a teenage boy interested in singing and dancing and thought no harm of it. So after years of pushing back my emotions and trying to maintain an irrelevance to my peers, I felt that I had solved my problems as I hid myself in that bathroom stall. Suddenly, it was the end of my eighth grade year and I was moving… again. I thought to myself that this move would be my chance at a fresh start in a new school where I could change my personality completely. I would finally be rid of the teenage antics that coincided with middle school. I also felt empowered that I had grown a couple of inches leveling out my round image. However, when I travelled to the new school far away in HI, I endured the arduous tasks of not only being a freshman in high school but a caucasian freshman in a high school full of diversity. I soon realized that hiding my true personality was not going to help me in achieving normalcy, so I had to be confident; and one of my favorite ways of expressing who I am, is in my

From a young age, I was never one to be shy. I believed that everyone was my friend and since then I have come to understand that I build a relationship with most everyone. You could say that people are my forte. What I lack, can always be countered by my connection with people. Throughout my lifetime, I have met many individuals with no two alike through volunteering, being a part of groups and working. These differences, whether it be race, gender, culture, beliefs or experiences, have given me opportunities develop a person. My philosophy is that the best way to acquire new information is to be open to others beliefs, opinions, ideas and knowledge. It is through the exchange of these that you can learn and grow as an individual.

Day by day my other friends were pushing me away because of the decisions I was making. I was surrounded by so many people but at the same time felt so alone. I didn’t know what to do. It was then when I started to gain my moral reasoning and got back on track to doing the right thing. I stopped hanging out with the trouble crowd and my nerdy friends took me back. I didn’t care if we were considered nerdy because at the end of the day having a group of 5 true friends was better then being surround by people who didn’t care if I got in trouble or not. Being an adolescent was hard, but through experience I learned who I truly want to be.

That was who I was. That was what I was known for, and there was no changing it. That’s why when my mom told me that we were moving to Louisiana, I was thrilled. It was my one chance to alter my identity, not to mention start fresh. I could finally fit in with everyone else and be normal. Because of the move, I’ve landed in the position I’m in now. Out of all the students I could’ve associated myself with, I decided to sit at a table with the ‘rebellious’ kids. I knew in my gut that it was a bad decision, but what other choice did I have? My broken and insecure self had to sit with people who I knew would be considered cool. I was a cloudy sky on a rainy day, and it was time for my sun to come

I am a very introverted person, I don’t like being in front of crowds or talking to new people. As a child I was the complete opposite, I was extroverted and loved being the center of attention. Unfortunately this only lasted until I was about seven years old. After that something snapped and I became unable to talk or do anything in front of other people.

Like Charlie, I began my freshman year in high school as an outsider. I was considered a nerd who knew nothing except getting Straight-As. Being teachers’ favorite soon led to jealousy and my classmates began taunting me for my lack of social skills and aloofness.

I’ve always been a shy person around people I don’t know. Growing up and going through Primary, Elementary, and Middle School with the same people got me out of being shy just around the people I had always gone through school with. In 8th I had the opportunity to apply to Yadkin Valley Regional Career Academy and have the chance to meet new people and in new setting. I got to meet different people and get out of my shy phase were I don’t like to meet new people.

As a high school student struggling to cope with the demands and commitments that life sets on me, it is often easy to lose the essence of “the me.” With the pressure of school, family and friends, and extracurriculars, I often neglect my hobbies, interests, and getting to know “the me.” Looking back at freshman year, my life was a cityscape, active and vibrant. I was just another typical high school student conquering life’s challenges. With pride, I reached certain goals that I believed made me the “perfect” student: Red Cross: check, debate team: check, action team: check, peer transitions: check, Big Brother Big Sister: check, honor societies: check. Was I forgetting anything? Who needs friends, downtime, sleep and food? It turns out that

High school was such an amazing experience for me; and, I flourished in my talents and made many friends. However, when High School ended, the cliches were over and the friendships I had formed wilted away. I struggled to find a place for myself. Eventually, I found a group that I thought would be good for me. I continued to believe that even as I drank almost everyday to be a part

Being in activities that encompass many different personalities and many different groups of people has allowed me to come into contact with people who I would have never otherwise met. I have found that people who share activities with me also share my interests, which makes them much easier to talk to. Because of this, I have grown up in an environment that fosters the habit of talking to new people and trying to find common interests. This exposure has lead to the development of an outgoing personality, which I take great pride in.

Death is the final chapter of our story. Chapter 18 of our text describes it as a permanent break where our experiences come to an end; we leave family and friends behind as well as any unfinished business to enter the unknown. Although, I believe, as for Christians, death is when our life truly begins. Death, for me, means entering the glorious Kingdom and finally meeting my Maker. American contemporary Christian music band, MercyMe, wrote a song called I Can Only Imagine, which talks about ways we might act when coming face-to-face with Christ. When I think of dying, I think of the lyrics to this song.

I see high school as a new opportunity to start over and represent myself as a different person. During elementary school, I wished to escape from the shy, quiet personality I was bound to, in hopes that I could be free and show myself as someone new in a different school. I remember when I was in fifth grade, I was lonely, and disliked many people who I met. It seemed as if I didn’t fit in; all of the stereotypes I arranged others into were groups I never cared for. As elementary school finally ended, sixth grade came. I knew that whenever I left sixth grade, I would never be the same again. It was at that school where I picked up the hobby that would change my life forever.

My first six years of school, I breezed through my classes. Everything was easy for me, and everything was boring. I stood out among my classmates, and I hated it. It seemed as though everyone saw me as a human calculator or dictionary, fundamentally different from them. I learned to make myself smaller, to not raise my hand in class so I wouldn’t be seen as a stuck-up ‘know-it-all.’ I struggled to define my identity, uncomfortable with the ‘smart girl’ label that was assigned to me.

My middle school years were a blur. I had a few friends that I was close and did not associate with others. I felt extremely left out and down on myself. I did not understand how other girls could be so fun and outgoing. I would have done anything to fit in, but I did not have it in me. By the time eighth grade came around, I was started to work on my confidence. In our English class, we were performing Romeo and Juliet. I decided to push my comfort zone and ask to play the role of Juliet. I don’t know how in the world I ever performed in front of all of those people, but I loved it. I had quit gymnastics when I was 13 years old. I was tired of the constant training and missing out on growing up. At this time I was nearing the end of middle school.. I was able to start to focus on peer groups and interests other than gymnastics. I started to play field hockey, where I made many new friends that went to my school. This helped to carry over into high school as I already had friends that were going to be on my sports team.