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Why Do I Exacerbate My Anxiety?

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I have been struggling and suffering with Anxiety, panic attacks and constant worrying since 2001. The excess emotional strain and stress of being forced out of a 14 year career due to the Navy's Military downsizing program caused the abrupt and extreme changes resulting in the affect on my emotional and psychological health and well-being and exacerbated my Anxiety. In May 2012, during my C&P Evaluation, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder and Depressed Mood and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (claimed as acquired psychiatric disorder including but not limited to anxiety, depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). The Adjustment and stress of working to return to civilian life and culture further increased my …show more content…

Depression is not, “one step forward, two steps back.” It feels much more like “one step forward, a hundred steps back.” It feels like I’m going nowhere. It feels like any accomplishment at all is followed by a hundred setbacks. Depression takes away all of your motivation and drive to do anything. Depression tells you thoughts such as, “It’s not worth it to get out of bed today,” or “You’re worthless, stupid and no one cares about you.” Even though it is all in your head, you somehow believe it. Anxiety continually throws “what if” thoughts around your head. That is the cruel reality of living with both depression and anxiety. With my anxiety, it is hard for me to drive to therapy every week. I am constantly overthinking everything, no matter how big or small the activity is. As I drive to therapy, my stomach aches. I get sweaty palms, and my heart race increases. I feel shaky and lightheaded, but I keep driving because I know therapy will help me in the long run. My mind is already making me feel nauseous the closer I get to arriving. I have become home-bound and just the thought of getting through the day provokes anxiety. I feel extremely uncomfortable, out of control and helpless. Extreme anxiety has pushed me to the point of self-harming that began in October 2016. I try to keep busy but I have lost interest in the things that I enjoyed the most like Reading, going out with family, and going to places that requires me to be in social situations. My lack of interest and enjoyment in activities has caused animosity in my personal relationships and family. I know longer have friends. I have mood swings that range from angry outbursts to excessive crying. I was the "go getter", the person you could always rely upon to get things done and now I have no motivation, interest to doing anything or energy to go anywhere. My motivation and self esteem sinks lower than any kind of

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