You Are Making This Mistake

Love is a powerful emotion that every human being has experience at least once in their life. There are numerous connotations that refer to this emotion, but there is only one kind of love that can make a person change completely in unexpected ways. It is the kind of love that consumes the soul and everything within. Mixed with excitement, adventure, heartbreak, happiness and joy; it is a big ball of feelings, all concentrated in one simple, yet extremely complicated necessity to have, protect, please and give all of oneself to that one person. In certain occasions, love can grow very intense and, consequently,

The human idea of love is quite possibly the most misunderstood in today’s society. Love can be between a man and woman, mother/father and their kids, or even really good friends. However, these relationships of love go through many interactions and stages to start and progress. Many psychological events must occur and be worked through in order to be successful. All relationships must endure the five perspectives of human behavior. These perspectives are biological, learning, social and cultural, cognitive, and psychodynamic influences.

Much has been said about love, but if you search the horizon, you will discover that most of the things written about love are either pithy or cynical.

“True love is hard to find.” “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”. These words have been told to and heard from family, friends, co-workers and even words in a poem. (A.C. Bradley). These words are said to someone to comfort and express sympathy and understanding to one that is having a relationship issues. Only a lucky few have found true love the very first time love has entered the into their space, some have managed to remain married over forty years or more. Life’s dilemmas interfere with true love from entering the lives of the people that love has touched. Parents protecting their children, worrying about what other think, love not being reciprocated, fell in love too young, self-esteem too low, looking for

Written by John Van Epp, Ph. D., the self-help manual How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk, offers the “foolproof way to follow your heart without loosing your mind”. This book is unique compared to the numerous dating books out there, which were written by authors without any legitimacy to their words of advice. Van Epp reveals years of research on marital and premarital happiness that he claims will help people to break the destructive dating patterns that prevent them from finding the “love you deserve”.

Achieving the feeling of love is desperately wanted among everyone, in a person's lifetime the feeling of love

Girme, Overall, Simpson & Fletcher (2015) has proven that they respond negatively when given support by their partner and, Feeney and Noller (1990) report that they express mistrust of others during their life. Feeney and Noller (1990) had an experiment that measured subjects scores based on their response to the background questions about their love experiences on Ludus, Loving and Romantic Love Ideals scales, and the Avoidance of Intimacy scale. The results were high on Ludus and low on the Loving and Romantic Love Ideal scales and the Avoidance of Intimacy scale for the avoidant subjects (Feeney and Noller, 1990). The results for the avoidant subjects differed than those that were secure and anxious-ambivalent groups as the Unfulfilled Hopes, Self-Conscious Anxiety, Avoidance of Intimacy, and Personal and Social Self-esteem of the avoidant subjects were the important features that were determined (Feeney and Noller, 1990). The secure subjects were high in self-confidence and were trusting in their relationships however, the anxious-ambivalent subjects were dependent and had a strong desire for commitment in their relationships, their response to love was neurotic rather than companionate (Feeney and Noller, 1990).

From a young age, the the idea of finding your one true love is a monumental step towards happiness. Women are often stereotyped as “love obsessed”, playing “family” with dolls and planning weddings while still young girls. Neverending love, care, and bliss a woman finds with her significant other becomes desirable to friends, family, even strangers around the couple. Oftentimes, being surrounded by people in love can cause a woman to search for her own “special someone” because she doesn’t want to be “that friend” who bribes a friend to be her date to her fifteenth high school reunion. Not all women have to search in order to find true love.

Many individuals believe that they need to settle for less than what they deserve or that they can find. In the 21st Century there are countless amounts of dating sites and apps such as Tinder and Match.com. There are even television shows called The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor in Paradise and Married At First Sight. People have lost hope in modern-day dating and believe that they need to settle out of fear that their life will go by and that they will end up alone. Several characters in Charles Dickens novels of Bleak House and Our Mutual Friend display the do’s and dont’s of establishing or maintaining a relationship.

Reruns of The Oprah Winfrey Show, countless self-help books, and friends that plan to "help us out" protest to the assistance in finding true love. But the more and more we search for what we may not find, we are digging ourselves deeper into our own death. We refuse to see how bad something is until it completely destroys us. As it tears us limb from limb with its vicious hopes of affection, attraction, and adornment we can 't refrain from falling for the sacrilegious ways of love. Yet... Some of us still strive for it and question ourselves of what we did wrong because love has thrown us a curve ball we can not catch. But, no one has done anything wrong. It is love that has done the wrong with its ways of trickery and deceit. Muhamahs Ghandi 's believes that where there is this love, there is life. If this is true, the shadow of death follows quickly behind and there is no way to bring prosperity to life if this is so. For human society to prosper, affection must be removed because love is detrimental to sanity. The many mind-altering biochemicals that make up the effects of love, are the chemical that attribute to the negative emotions of life.

Many people believe that romantic love is an integral part of life, and spend decades looking for it. This type of love has become just another thing to achieve in order to “level-up.” Love, in general, is not something that we can put on a to-do list. Love might come with long black hair and blue eyes, making you swallow your bravery and your words as your heart beats a little faster. Love might be the person you grew up with, or the person that chooses to cross the road just as you start to drive across. Love could be holding a pizza and saying “your total is 24.95”. Love could be staring at a smartphone, oblivious as your nose finds the smells of the world while theirs is buried in their phone and they can’t detach themselves from the media.

Every day, women and men fall victim to deceptive love mates or spouses who purported to be (prior to the commitment) everything except who they really are. Sometimes this is a negative result of "love at first sight," a phenomenon that occurs when two people who meet each other for the first time and claim to instantaneously fall in love. Statistics show that 2/3 of people in the U.S. believe in love at first sight and 20% of them often marry the object of their affection unaware that the object of their desire is truly less than desirable. Although some of them may end up staying marrying well over what it is considered the national average, many of them, whether they marry the person or not, often end up in abusive relationships that many

But if you take the time to analyze each couple you saw, and even take a look at past and present relationships you’re in now, you would see very different outcomes and stories behind every single one. I used to put very little thought into other people’s relationships, or my own for that matter. In reality it took me actually being in a strong healthy adult relationship to know and understand the time, effort, work and the steps you must face to truly be in a strong relationship. After really getting this experience I hope we can all make it in to the prestigious club of the “happy” annoying

Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix (1988) is broken into three parts: Part I- The Unconscious Marriage, Part II -The Conscious Marriage, and Part III - The Exercises. The first and second part provides the reader with an understanding of brain's’ involvement in the mate selection process. Hendrix writes about concepts related to love and relationship dynamics. Reader may have always wondered about their partner selection process or why they were so in love at one point in their relationship and are repulsed by their partner later on. Hendrix aims to provide the reader with a framework that aide in understanding many of the questions that people often ponder about romantic relationships.

I have been doing a great deal of thinking about the relationship of vulnerability and love. Believe it or not, you are the most vulnerable when you are experiencing love. Years and years ago, I used to believe love was simply an elusive feeling, more of an ideal than a reality. Love was simply a fascination that you felt at the beginning of a relationship but never achieved in a way that was portrayed in the movies or in romance novels. In hindsight, I believe the “love” that I felt was merely a combination of physical attraction, a fondness for the girl’s personality and the security of being in a relationship. What I have since learned is that true love requires an additional ingredient more powerful than any other factor: vulnerability!