David's Observation

On February 28, 1993, the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) raided the Branch Davidian ranch in Mount Carmel, a rural area near Waco, Texas. The raid resulted in the deaths of four agents and five Davidians. The subsequent 51-day siege ended on April 19 when the compound was completely consumed by fire killing seventy-five men, women, and children, including the leader David Koresh.

The piece was very clear and easy to ready. I appreciated how you blended the answers together so that it provided a interesting piece instead of something that sounded like simply question and answer. Furthermore, your syntax was wonderful. The only comment would be that more details or justifications would have been highly beneficial.

A few areas that the writing specialist pointed out in which I need to review and refresh. 1. Fully

In my opinion, I did a good job about open ending and close ending questions. I tried to ask what I need to know about the client’s issue which was Depression. I used reflection, paraphrasing and summarizing during this session. I had a tendency to ask questions fast, I need to work on that. I will need to use more silence time after each question to give the client more time to think. When I watched the video, to me it seems like I push him to answer the questions fast.

A strength that was observed through the case vignette was Angela and David being financially sable to be able to meet the needs of Isaac and Anton. Furthermore they seemed to have a good relationship with the boys. In fact, they were hoping to adopt both Isaac and Anton. In regards to Kyla, she had shown that she cared about Isaac and Anton. In fact, she was hoping to get them back one day. Kyla also showed that she is aware of what she needed to do in order to get her sons back. For example, she knew that she had to move from the transitional housing program to one that would also allow Isaac and Anton. Kyla had also shown having hopes and dreams, such as wanting to return to high school.

Hello Rozhnaz! This writing looks better than the previous one that I revised; congrats! You also gain improvement in terms of the use of academic vocabularies in this essay. Some notes to be considered here are the minor things such as punctuation, redundant expression, and capitalization. Here are several takes on your writing:

The association of homosexuality with filth begins in childhood for David and most certainly in his relationship with his father. His identity confusion can be seen from early on as he mentions: “I was in full flight from him. I did not want him to know me. I did not want anyone to know me” (Baldwin 16). Indeed, David’s father install in him from the very beginning the notion of a white, heterosexual, masculine American male. He wants his son, whom he addresses as “Butch” to “grow up to be a man” (90) and not “a Sunday school teacher” (15). The “teacher” to which his father refers to can be understood as a threat to masculinity because “the teacher” is almost surely a woman and he wishes only a life of “butch” for his son. This notion surfaces

David’s society was a worse lifestyle compared to today’s society. The people of today’s society have more technology than David’s. Citizens of today’s society have a lot more freedom in life, unlike those living in David’s society. In today’s society, the people of Canada have different types of religion, but that does not determine if you will be living in bad circumstances or even being killed. It is the opposite in David’s society since religion controls everything, which leaves the people of Waknuk in many life or death situations. The people of Waknuk use religion for power, which causes misery for many citizens, compared to today’s society.

However, I did notice two things wrong with my paragraph. First, I believe that my transition sentence was in the wrong place in the paragraph. In my revision below, I have moved my transition sentence so that the overall flow of my paragraph is improved. Secondly, I think one of my supporting sentence and my concluding sentence were muddled together within the same sentence. In my revision, I have written a new concluding sentence, separate from the supporting sentence it was original a part

After this semester of English 102, at Bristol Community College I feel that I have gained the skill to articulate what I want to convey to the reader in many ways. I don’t just look at grammatical error, but instead I look for ways to make my sentences more effective and concise. Nevertheless, I hope that this strategy will continue to help me improve my writing even further on in the future.

To improve how well you express your ideas you could reword the first and last sentences in paragraphs.

In the novel The Chrysalids by John Wyndham it explains the life of a boy named David

Your writing showcases a good balance between simple and complex sentences, although the effective use of sentence length cannot be easily measured.

Saul’s son Jonathan found great favor in David. Jonathan grew to love David, and helped protect him from Saul’s wrath. The friendship of David and Jonathan was the effect of divine grace, which produces in true believers one heart and one soul, and causes them to love each other (Henry, 2000). It is possible to love other people even if a parent has hatred in their hearts towards them. When Jonathan could not stop Saul’s march toward evil, he could warn the intended victim, thus averting a tragedy (Fackler, 2006). Christians in today’s world can learn a valuable lesson of loving others even if there are issues that are impending on the situation that could cause anger to occur. Jonathan was loyal to David causing a positive reflection on his covenant and commitment to his friendship with David. “And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul” (KJV, 1 Samuel 18:1). Jonathan vowed to help David and stood by his word. Those who love Christ as their own souls will be willing to join themselves to him in an everlasting covenant (Henry, 2001). I was unaware that David and Jonathan had such a special bond; and made me think about my own life and my commitment to my friends. There can be strength found in God’s word if you put him first as David did in his own battles.

Thank you to Ms.Darrow and Mr.Peeples for encouraging me to keep going even when I wanted to give up. Thank you for believing in my ability to express what I wanted to say and thank you for reading my essay a thousand times when I thought I was doing everything all wrong. Thank you for your patience.