Essay about Deborah Tannen's Can't We Talk

In the first excerpt Deborah Tannen wrote “But What Do You Mean?”, she breaks down and classifies the conversational areas where men and women have the most difficulties communication. Tannen’s excerpt is written from a personal point of view, it is written within her daily workplace and based off actions or events she encounters between men and women. Tannen argues that men tend to be more confrontational when communication and women happen to approach confrontation in a subtle way. Men are direct and to the point, while women try to negotiate. In the excerpt Tannen breaks her argument into 7 sperate

In the video lecture presented by Deborah Tannen, He Said, She Said, Tannen emphasizes that men and women grow up in very different social worlds. When boys grow up, they learn that there is often going to be an inequality of force in any conversation. For girls, however, they feel that equality is very important and that it needs to be enforced through sympathy-based bonding. As adults, these different messages behind socialization can often lead to confusion, miscommunication, and, sometimes, hurt feelings. Tannen explores the difficulties of cross-gender communication and how we can overcome them by understanding where these conversational rituals come from. As a reflection on Tannen’s lecture, this paper will analyze how the different developments of boys and girls lead to the different views men and women have on the world. First of all, childhood and friendship is perceived differently by each gender.

In “Sex, Lies and Conversation” Deborah Tannen argues that the problems of men and women in marriage are caused by a misunderstanding rather than lack of communication. Throughout the passage she discusses theses misunderstandings and reveals the solution to the problem.

This book review is on the book, Men Explain Things to Me by Rebecca Solnit, which was published in 2014. Rebecca Solnit writes a book of essays that interprets the silence that women hold towards men in their everyday life. Young women must know the reality that we do not live a fairy tale life where women are treated as royalty by their husband or boyfriend. Women are treated as objects in where men could play with them as if they are dolls, whom they pay attention to whenever they would like to or need something from them. Despite what a woman says to men, all men are always going to have the reason, even if they are not right. The silences that a woman holds towards men are creating an even broader issue towards women in the present and in the future. The author mainly argues that women should not silence themselves and their issues such as abuse, harassment, rape, violence, stalking or any other crimes that are hurting them emotionally and physically. “Violence doesn’t have a race, a class, a religion, or a nationality, but it does have a gender” (Solnit, Men Explain Things to Me, page 21). If women continue not to speak up and take action, men are going to continue to take abuse and control over their power.

In the essay Sex, Lies, and Conversation Deborah Tannen focuses on the differences and lack of communication between men and women though observations. She came to the conclusion that men were not lacking in their listening, but they were however listening in a different way than the women did. On the other hand, men aren’t the only people that have terrible communication skills. In many ways, these differences between the two genders can cause major conflict when not understood by the opposite side. A few examples of lack of communication may be when women don’t decide where they would like to eat, men who walk away from an argument rather than talking it out, and their decision making processes.

In 1991, a linguist teacher by the name of Deborah Tannen published "Conversational Styles "in the Chronicle of Higher Education,a weekly newspaper for college professors ."Conversational Style"is the way we converse with one another.Tannen felt as if "small-group interaction should be a part of any class ",but rather than state facts to support her argument she relied on her expertise in public speaking& her own personal experiences to strengthen her point of view.Tannen felt that men accounted for an higher percentage than woman when participating in class discussion, because men are more comfortable speaking in a public setting than woman.Tannen stated"That men are more likely to be comfortable with the debate-like form"that commonly takes

Her role is defined by the social norms according to which an obedient and loyal wife does not have her own opinion and is obliged to accept everything her husband tells her. At first, the heroine does not resist such a patriarchal pattern openly, though even her decision to keep her journal is a kind of a slight revolt against her husband's rules, since he does not want her to write, but the heroine disagrees with him and is sure that "congenial work, with excitement and change, would do me good" (Gilman 648). In spite of the fact that the heroine tries "to have a real earnest reasonable talk" with her husband and convince him that everything is good with her, he insists on her being unable to think properly, and she, in her turn, cannot "make out a very good case for myself, for I was crying before I had finished" (Gilman 651). It

She gives examples of how each gender communicates and how it makes each person feel unsure of what the other is trying to imply. Tannen writes, "If you want to get your message across, it's not a question of being 'right'; it's a question of using language that's shared-or at least understood.” I believe she means people take things the wrong way sometimes so you have to share a language they can interpret when having a conversation. Everyone has different language groups that they belong to so, when speaking to someone in a different group, you need to find a language they will

Tannen expands on the importance of communication, adding that women thank conversation is the main pillar on

In Deborah Tannen’s article “Who Does the Talking Here?” published in The Washington Post on July 15, 2007. Tannen writes about a new study published in the journal Science that has inspired critics around the stereotype that Women do more talking that Man (356). She asserts that those studies are not useful since they focus mainly on counting the number of words that college students use in their daily speech (356). She agrees with an article that surveys 70 studies about the differences in talkativeness in genres, since counting words does not lead to a real difference (357). Tannen declares that to determine who talk more, people must consider how and in what situation each gender uses words (357). She exemplifies the importance of

In "Sex, Lies and Conversation" Deborah Tannen, linguistics professor at Georgetown University, explains the discrepancies between female and male mechanics of conversation: females tend to converse while facing one another and respond with supportive remarks; males tend to converse while looking away from one another and respond with dismissive remarks. According to Tannen, such discrepancies arose from childhood development and socialization. Because females developed bonds through conversation from a young age, they often express their feelings and thoughts with others. Males, however, developed bonds less dependent of socialization, but rather through the participation of various activities as children. Therefore, females developed the

Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of

In order to be able to solve some of the problems associated with gender miscommunications, we should distinguish first between the two different types of communications: verbal communication and nonverbal communication. Verbal communication consists of messages expressed by linguistic means such as the use of intonation, the specific words we choose to say, and the way we are saying them. There are differences in females and males usage of language/verbal communication. As we might expect from traditional sex-role stereotypes, girls tend to establish more egalitarian same-sex groups. Girls use friendly groups as a training ground for cooperation. Boys view friendly conversation among their friends as training for verbal aggression. Females are more verbal, use three times more amount of words than males, they are much more descriptive and use more adjectives. Women are less direct in their communication style. As Prof. Tannen showed in one of her research, women are more indirect in answering questions depends on the situation. They answer questions the way they would like to be answered by men, which means more than just a yes/no answer. However, men answer the way they would like to be answered

She studied ethnic groups, which speak the same language using different styles, and found that the effect of gender on communication is miniscule compared to the effect of culture and socialization. In her research, Tannen asserts that the basic uses of conversation by women are to establish and support intimacy; while for men it is to acquire status. These styles and motives for communicating represent different cultural upbringings, and one is not necessarily better than the other. However, she also notes in her findings that men tend to interrupt more and ask questions less. In fact, the female tendency to ask more questions sometimes results in receiving lower grades from male professors who view frequent questioning as proof that a student knows less than her male counter parts.

This causes women to become more vocal. Tannen suggests that status affects many different ways in which men communicate and raises several different examples. One area she found was that men tell more stories and jokes than women. She suggests that they are not doing this to be funny but instead do it to again to negotiate status. They often tell stories in which they are the heroes and act alone to overcome obstacles. While women use storytelling to gain support from her personal networks. They use their stories that, if they are the subject of, contain her doing something foolish to put her at the same level as the listener. In this way women are not concerned with status as with relating and gaining support. Men and women also differ when they are listening. While women tend to use eye contact and head nods to let the speaker know that she is listening. Men often do not use these techniques because they suggest agreement with the speaker. Women also a technique which Tannen calls cooperative overlap. This happens sometimes when women start to speak before the other person finishers speaking. They usually do this to agree and show support for what the speaker is saying. Women see cooperative overlap as a way to continue the conversation while men see it as a competitive ploy to gain control of that conversation. In this way communication again is not made clear, men are annoyed because they believe that