Depression And My Depression

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Depression. When I read that word I sit and wonder how it can take over your body as if you were as helpless as a fish out of water. If I could do anything to change myself I would not change a thing, but I was not always like that I used to be insecure, careless and selfish. In 2016, I was 15 years old and alone, separated from my family mentally, I had lost myself trying to be happy with someone who was not actually me that I was pretending to be. When you pretend to be someone else you do not realize how far away you get from your true self. I could never be happy, I could not stand to be around anyone, I could only talk to few people before I would get annoyed. I would try to be happy by “trying to escape” but all that was doing was tearing me farther and farther from the real world, no matter what I did. I ruined the love and family feeling I had with anyone. I would skip school and I would end up back where I was struggling trying to find someone I could copy off of so my parents would not kill me for having a 73% in four of my classes, I was struggling at home so bad that I had ruined my relationship with my parents, but no matter what I did I could not make myself feel better or worse. I never had a genuine smile and nobody understood so I could not try to have a relationship with anyone. I would spend hours at night up in only little light from my white twinkling christmas lights, I would stare into them as if nothing else existed so lost that all I could see

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