"This depression is so vast, it has its own stars."
His soft voice quavering, as he sits beside me, coffee in hand. Familiar grimace from pain- both physical and emotional, on his beloved face.
He is tormenting himself once more and whatever I say will be woefully inadequate. I nod my head, staying silent, allowing him space to elaborate. The valve needs tapping, or he will blow. He is flirting with the abyss; its darkness a siren song of promised oblivion. I prepare to lunge and pull him back from its gaping maw.
"My leg is useless today, and I've no strength. I fucking HATE being like this." Anger with himself, rippling outward in waves.
"I've never asked why, or complained about my MS - but what the fuck! Life is... hard... and yeah,
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"I see you struggling babe. Do you think I'm not paying attention? Please, stop apologizing to me. I know you didn't ask for this. You keep breathing. Ok? We'll take it together, one minute, one step, one day at a time. It's alright."
I know that I do not, and cannot completely comprehend his batttle with MS and its depression. His fears of losing personal autonomy. His waking everyday and not knowing if his legs will carry him from the bed- or if his eyes will function in unison.
How the failures of his body are eroding his pride and dignity; laying waste to any vestiges of self worth. His body has become a cage he can never break free from, and how he rages against this foe he cannot destroy or control.
"Thanks Baby, I hope you mean that." Sorrow and longing coloring his words.
"Wouldn't say it if I didn't! I love you, you know. I've been stealing your covers and loving you for over thirty years! I'm not about to stop now, no matter how you try to stop me. Got it!"
"Could I ever stop you?" He pulls me up for a hug.
"Nope, never." I tell him, winking saucily as I slip into his embrace. I hear his low-throated chuckle, and know for today, the crisis has been averted.
Silently I curse the words- Multiple
This can wreak havoc on a person’s emotional state, which Mairs comments, “I am immobilized by acute attacks of depression, which may or may not be physiologically related to MS but are certainly its logical concomitant” (Mairs 67). In addition to the unpredictable physical losses that one can sustain from MS - including vision, coordination, and bladder control - one can also lose their will to live a normal life. Mairs discusses the lives of two women who share the same disease, one of which, “...stays at home and insists that her husband, a small quiet man, a retired civil servant, stay there with her except for a quick weekly foray to the supermarket” (71). The other woman has an active life and tries to participate in as many activities as she would without the disease. Mairs aspires to live like the second woman as her life progresses, but the first woman has obviously lost her mental battle with the disease. Since there is no known cure for MS, the only thing that one who is diagnosed can do is accept that their life will always be changing and it will never be easy. Towards the beginning of her disease, she thought about MS constantly and wondered when the time would come that she would no longer be physically capable of killing herself. Once she learned that she would never finish adjusting, she was able to come to an uneasy peace with her condition. Besides the
Along with the imagery, he also uses metaphors throughout the poem that concludes the way he see’s himself that half of him has been gone in the War. A metaphor he uses is “I’m stone. I’m flesh” (5). He is describing himself as a stone since the wall is like a stone a hard rock, he feels like he should be part
His father does not match his steps to his sons or care if even he is following the routine. This means that the son must cling on for dear life. Death is inevitable and unavoidable, so he thinks that if he can emulate death then perhaps he can overtake his father. By becoming something greater, he is finally free from the dangerous shackles of blind devotion and can live as a free man. Not only is he hanging on hard, there are also double implications of the words “beat” and “dirt”.
This novel is a classic example of many people's lives, which includes fear, jealousy, pride and their insecurities to name a few. The transformation of the narrator from before his reincarnation until afterwards is filled with tragedy and grief, but it is through the sacrifice of his own life that he is permanently freed from his jealousy and egotism. His "punishment" or his purgatory seemed to prove how good of a person he was all
In the events leading up to his death he is met with with a transition from happiness to misery, influenced by forces beyond his control.
"He had a head one collision yesterday, someone drove directly into his lane and hit him at 45 mph. He has a broken femur, he has an 18 inch rod in his leg!"
what the young men are becoming. Then, in an attempt to regain himself when he goes
You smile wide, sure that he would see your confession as something positive, sure that the feelings are reciprocated. You love him and you’re almost certain he loves you too, however the dark look on his face says otherwise. You want to ask him if he’s alright, but before you could say anything, he sighs, rolling his eyes in the process.
In the article ‘“Hurtful and Beautiful”: Life with Multiple Sclerosis’ Laurie Lambeth discusses her life after being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. An autoimmune disease that affects the brain and spinal cord, MS is hard to diagnose because it causes ambiguous symptoms such as numbness, spasms, depression, and limb weakness, all of which mimic other conditions. Although Laurie was diagnosed at the age of 17, her neurologist’s said to “think of it as a minor inconvenience.” Her senior year of high school is when the realization set in, she began
He runs away from his second battle, he reassures himself by targeting a squirrel, and he leaves a dying man in the woods alone, after the man questions his fake wound, which he uses to lie about participating in a battle. The final theme of the novel is how little the rest of the planet cares about man. This theme is shown through the rotting corpse and nature. In multiple situations in the novel, nature obstructs man’s way instead of letting man through. These are the key themes and criticism of the
“Me neither, Bellamy. I never stopped loving you.” With that, Bellamy came over to you and placed his hands on your chin, bringing your lips towards his and smashing his lips hungrily with
"Mi amor," he grins as he unties my hands and pats my back. "Mira! Your debt is now paid but steal from me again and they'll find your body on the train tracks. Entiendes?"
Look around, chances are you or someone in the room either has or knows someone with multiple sclerosis. However, you probably would not be able to tell just by looking at someone if they have MS and that is arguably one of the most frustrating effects of MS. In fact there are a lot of frustrations related to this disease, it affects every patient differently, it is difficult to diagnose, symptoms are merely managed, it is unpredictable and life altering for those with it and for those that care for them. It is estimated that over two and a half million people worldwide are affected by MS. Two hundred new diagnosis are reported every week in the United States alone, and the numbers of cases are likely much higher than
“You have problems Hayden and you know it. You need help whether or not you think you do. I’m doing this because I love you and I want you to get better.”
“I can’t do this anymore. I never know what to do or what to say, all because you’re always like...this.”