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Ideas And Impressions

Decent Essays
Improvements to Ideas and Impressions After reading through my midterm I realized that a lot of the points I made in my connection to the text paragraph weren’t backed up with enough supporting evidence. This made the paragraph feel mostly unconfident and unclear. I was trying to convey the idea that being isolated from society isn’t necessarily a bad thing and that the girl sitting on top of the television set had a wider scope of possibilities available to her when she was without the TV than when she was with it. The way that I went about addressing this was far from being the most eloquent way of doing so. In one statement I said, “ (...) she has found herself isolated and though she’s trying to reconnect herself by trying the dials…show more content…
Jokes aside, those are some very real problems I have in my writing and over the course of three pages I have comma splices mentioned 6 times. For example in the sentence, “Isolation is so often compared with negative emotions that we have come to acknowledge it as negative, however sometimes by choosing to isolate yourself from the world, you can find a personal liberation that is far from being negative,” I could have easily broken it up into two sentences and made it the whole idea more readable by taking out some commas. Most of the time when I’m writing, I feel like I have more to say than can be confined in a single paragraph. Using commas gives the illusion that I’m are saying more because the idea keeps going but in reality, I could (and should) be less afraid of using periods. Something about the finality of a period at the end of a sentence makes me afraid to use it until I am confident that I’ve fully expressed my idea. This is a problem that can be easily fixed with a greater confidence of where to properly place punctuation. I’m sure that over time and with practice I’ll be able to use commas more efficiently.
Another thing that I received comments on was my incorrect switching of points of view in my personal response. In a few sentences I’m writing in first person and then somehow either in the same sentence or the
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