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Manic Essay

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Manic It starts as white noise, a sort of rushing water sound in my ears. I shake my head, trying desperately to dislodge the upsetting sound but it stays stubbornly stuck. I can imagine the static that should accompany the sound and when I close my eyes I can see a blood red version of it clouding my mind's eye. My body shakes with a tremor. It's as if my very skin is trying to shake off the reality that threatens to engulf me. But I can't shake it off because it's the sea; it's a ocean. It's the biggest, deepest, darkest ocean ever imagined and I'm right in the middle of without a life-saver or buoy in sight. And I'm kicking and clawing against the tide but I can barely manage half a mouthful of fresh, lucid air. I'm being dragged down …show more content…

I scream, closed mouthed because I'm gagged with tears, cold, awful hands and white-noise-water. I scream and thrash and scream some more. It doesn't seem to help. It seems to only make me sink faster. I'm clawing at myself in a vain attempt to escape. I'm hurting myself blindly, too scared to know what I'm doing. “Yes! Die!” “Just kill yourself.” “No one will miss you. Everyone hates you anyway. Just give up and die.” I'm so far down now the pressure makes my head hurt. My tears have burned tracks down my face; the marks are raw and stinging to the touch. I imagine blood there in those itchy, burning trails. My strength fails me as I sink ever deeper into the dark. I whimper again and begin to tremble. Silently, I pray for someone to save me but the The Voices know better than I do. No one will come for me. No one cares. The thought seeps into my form, a piece of wood finally soaked through with icy water, and the last of my defiance lays down and dies. I drift slowly downwards listening to the voices laugh at my pain. “You're going to die here.” “Just die already.” “You're stupid and useless. No one likes you. Just die.” I sink, very slowly, looking up at he unattainable surface, already dead. I can't imagine it can get worse. But it does. A tickle catches my attention. A spider with needle sharp legs scurries across my leg. I ignore the first one, but after the second, third, forth and fifth and sixth, I must look

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