Marked Women Deborah Tannen Analysis

Deborah Tannen and William Lutz both discuss the difficulty of communicating. Their point of views may be different, but their conclusion is the same. Men and women have difficulties of communicating. Not because the two genders want to be complicated but simply because we don’t realize how or what we’re doing when it’s happening.

Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.

In Tannen’s essay, the problem seen in society is that of marking, more importantly the marking of women. When referring to the

In our society today, there are many ways identity plays a role in how people live their lives, as well as how people are viewed or treated by others. A big part of a person’s identity comes from their gender. Men and women are raised differently, whether it be their beliefs and ways of thinking, how they view their future, or the actions they choose to take throughout their lifetime. In both Katha Pollitt and Silko’s essays, they discuss the differences in the lives of men and women and how these differences result from society’s expectations by using metaphors and life examples to explain their message to the reader, as well as allow the reader to connect to this message.

Eavan Boland’s poem “It’s a Woman’s World” illuminates the fact that history has shaped an unfair role for women in today’s society. Boland criticizes the gender bias with regards to the limitations placed on women and their job choices despite their ability to be just as successful in the workplace as men. Regardless of the fact that the bias against women in the workplace is often overlooked, Boland aims to show the shared reaction of women to the gender bias prevalent in our society by using short sentence fragments, repetition, and a fire motif throughout the poem.

Deborah Tannen’s essay “But What Do You Mean?” focuses on what she claims are differences between men and women when it comes to social interaction. The essay is sectioned into seven categories, in which she talks about how men and women tend to think and react when it comes to apologizing, criticizing, thanking, fighting, praising, complaining, and joking with others. In general, she seems to promote the idea that women tend to be more polite and refined, considering the feelings of others when conversing and taking everything as a formality. In contrast, men are apparently more blunt, taking a more direct approach with matters and being more unconcerned with how they may affect others. Women tend to automatically apologize and thank others

Whether one is aware of it or not, stereotypes can easily creep its way into one’s daily choices. Despite being a women herself, Tanner’s first focus of attention was fixed on the “three other women at the table” with distinct styles of fashion: the classy and professional “man-tailored suits in primary colors with solid-color blouses” of the first

In this piece, Tannen is “sad” and disappointed that women are still treated differently than men are. According to Tannen, there is nothing a woman can resort to if she does not want to be judged. That is, no woman is “unmarked”. For example, she states that “There is no woman's hair style that can be called standard, that says nothing about her. The range of women's hair styles is staggering, but a woman whose hair has no particular style is perceived as not caring about how she looks…” (390). If a woman were to opt for a plain hairstyle, it would still give a message. In writing about this, Tannen comes to a startling conclusion. She finds that, even today, women have less

Martha Irvine, a graduate of the University of Michigan published an article titled Queer Evolution which talked about how the word “Queer” itself has evolved into the mainstream. Originally the word’s definition was to describe something as odd or weird. Society utilized the word “Queer” as an insult to the LGBTQ community. As more sexual orientations are being discovered, “Queer” became a more accepted word in the gay community in order to make things simpler. Irvine’s essay showed that whatever word we use, can affect a person depending on the intention, and the tone of how it’s being said. Irvine’s essay is very similar to Deborah Tannen’s essay You’re Wearing That which talks about the relationship between mother and daughter and how words have established expectations for women based on their appearance and behavior. Another essay that well connects with Tannen and Irvine’s articles is a section from a book written by Michael Kimmel titled Bros Before Hos’’: The Guy Code. Kimmel talks about “The Guy Code”, rules that a man should always follow in order to be considered a real man. Words are the reason why these standards have been established for all genders and sexualities. The relationships between parents and children would be better if words were replaced, which would abolish the expectations that society has for men and women.

Conversation is a ritual every person must encounter throughout their lives in order to function properly with one another in today’s society. However, every individual has a “different idea about what’s appropriate” when approaching someone in any sort of conversation; that is why we are referred to as individuals (Tannen 327). There are thousands of diverse languages to speak to one another with, in fact that means there are thousands of different ways to offend each other with our words. Within those languages there are several contrasting gestures that can offend any single person, such as the amount of times individuals apologize in one meeting, giving criticism too harshly, or thanking someone so often it does not seem genuine. In the article “What Do You Mean,” Deborah Tannen touches upon apologies, criticism, and thank yous in further detail to explain where individuals go wrong within conversation and how they can fix their actions. Individuals find it satisfying to please others by being polite because it is the ‘right’ thing to do, however like myself others need to stand up for themselves and get directly to the point now in order to avoid conflict later in life.

Yet in presenting something as inaccessible and dangerous, an invitation to know and to possess is extended. The secrecy associated with female bodies is sexual and linked to the multiple associations between women and privacy. (92)

The two poems I chose to analyze were “Curandera” by Pat Mora and “Loose Woman” by Sandra Cisneros. They were an interesting read and made sure to reread several times to make sure I got everything I could from them. Both poems are so unique from other poems I have read; they are also unique from each other yet share similarities as well.

Deborah Tannen is the author of Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other. Deborah Tannen is a woman who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research but also has information to support her view. In her essay Deborah Tannen argues complications happen in marriages/relationships due to individuals not being able to communicate with each other properly.

Throughout the ages, women have been graded on their performance and instructed on what is supposed to be their purpose. In the poem, “Marks,” by Linda Pastan, the speaker expresses her distaste for being graded on how she performs her “womanly” tasks. Likewise, in the poem, “Women,” by May Swenson, the speaker seems to be comprised of a contingent of people from the time the poem was written – around 1978 – likewise, the speaker of “Marks” is a wife and mother of two children – a boy and a girl. The poem, “Women,” details how the people of the time feel about women and who they should “serve.” Since both poems seemingly depict the purpose of women, the poem “Marks” could be incorporated into the class discussion to show conflicting perspectives between women and the public about the treatment of women.

When first receiving the instructions for this assignment intending involvement in a public women-centered event in order to review and analyze it – I was overwhelmed by intimidation. I was perplexed by the realization that for a woman in my thirties, this was to be the first time I would find myself in the enclave of true womanhood…and it terrified me. The closest I had ever come to a ‘women-centered’ event was during my twenties, and it involved a bunch of girls and two hired male exotic dancers. You see; I realized that, despite being a woman, I have always found women intimidating. Nonetheless, I set out to make an appearance driven to overcome some personal challenges including the task of writing this paper.