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My Maturing Sequence Of The Age Of 12 And Like Most Other Boy

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At the age of 12 and like most other boy, my maturing sequence was started and it changed my life. My voice cracked and got deeper, I grew hair on my chest, my legs, and places that I did not expect to have hair when I was young. In 2009, all these things were happen to me except an important one: feelings for girls. At first, it did not bother me that much because I supposed my mentality would not be affected by puberty. But at time went on and seeing all of my friends have girlfriends, I decided to get one too but shocked after I found out that I fixated to guys instead of girls. I went to bed with my mind spinning around guys and eventually had an erection in the morning, I started to get confused and really worried about my feeling but…show more content…
I began to hate myself and late at night, I would pray to God to get rid of my homosexuality even though I wasn 't Christian. Growing up surrounded by computers and internet, it was not hard to found an articles in social media bashing homosexual people about being gay is morally wrong, a sin, and evil. To ease my worry and to ensure that I was not gay, I began to dated girl. In my 8th grade, I found a girl whose personality that I really liked and I even convinced myself that I like them enough to have a long term relationships and could even lead a “ normal” life with. It turned out to be self deceiving. I later admitted that I did not have any feelings for her and I eventually ended my relationship. So as my first attempted to be “straight” failed, I decided to try it again in high school. In high school, I started to hang out with a group of guys who I really like. We talked about stuff that guys usually enjoyed like sports, video games,... and we all had a good time with each other. But things start to change as when I was in 10th grade, the boys in our groups starts dating girls. Those guys probably really happy about their relationships because I recalled them often staring at their phone text-ting all the time. At one time, I told them I did not find girls attractive and they quickly jumped to conclusion that I was gay. I quickly denied that saying I was asexual but it seemed like they did not believe me in the
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