preview

My Maturing Sequence Of The Age Of 12 And Like Most Other Boy

Good Essays
At the age of 12 and like most other boy, my maturing sequence was started and it changed my life. My voice cracked and got deeper, I grew hair on my chest, my legs, and places that I did not expect to have hair when I was young. In 2009, all these things were happen to me except an important one: feelings for girls. At first, it did not bother me that much because I supposed my mentality would not be affected by puberty. But at time went on and seeing all of my friends have girlfriends, I decided to get one too but shocked after I found out that I fixated to guys instead of girls. I went to bed with my mind spinning around guys and eventually had an erection in the morning, I started to get confused and really worried about my feeling but…show more content…
I began to hate myself and late at night, I would pray to God to get rid of my homosexuality even though I wasn 't Christian. Growing up surrounded by computers and internet, it was not hard to found an articles in social media bashing homosexual people about being gay is morally wrong, a sin, and evil. To ease my worry and to ensure that I was not gay, I began to dated girl. In my 8th grade, I found a girl whose personality that I really liked and I even convinced myself that I like them enough to have a long term relationships and could even lead a “ normal” life with. It turned out to be self deceiving. I later admitted that I did not have any feelings for her and I eventually ended my relationship. So as my first attempted to be “straight” failed, I decided to try it again in high school. In high school, I started to hang out with a group of guys who I really like. We talked about stuff that guys usually enjoyed like sports, video games,... and we all had a good time with each other. But things start to change as when I was in 10th grade, the boys in our groups starts dating girls. Those guys probably really happy about their relationships because I recalled them often staring at their phone text-ting all the time. At one time, I told them I did not find girls attractive and they quickly jumped to conclusion that I was gay. I quickly denied that saying I was asexual but it seemed like they did not believe me in the
Get Access