My Pain For Comfort

I walked inside the house that I smells of cigarettes and old mops. The house that I should call home. Instead, i’m walking inside a house filled with people who hate me for no obvious reason. The two people who should love me unconditionally are the main ones who cause me pain. I just want them to love me. I don’t want them to beat me, yell at me for no reason, or break my heart. I thought parents were supposed to keep you happy. I guess I wasn’t blessed with parents like that.

When I was a child, most of the stories or situations I have been through was, mostly, my dad hitting me and my parents fighting constantly; so pretty much I did not really grew up watching Barney, traveling to places, and going to Disneyland often. I thought I would have to live like this for the rest of my academic life, but one day around the age of eight, my dream came true. My parents had enough of each other, so they went their own ways; even though, I was glad that I do not have to life miserably anymore, I was not. I thought that everything would settle down and live a calm life with my mom, but as a result, I ended up raising my two siblings. My dad left the house, my mom was in her own world, and I had to watch my siblings. I thought my parents divorce would benefit me, but all it did was for me to not live as an eight-year-old would. I thought that my dream of going to a great university and becoming a Physician Assistant came crashing down. A couple weeks later, my dad came back and long-story short, my siblings and I had to go hang out with my dad for

Most of my early life was rough. We moved a lot, and my parents fought and got a divorce, and my sister and I were always pushed and pulled from one parent to the next. After the divorce and even some before, my father was

When I was growing up, my family was like many other families, happy. Starting at age 6, I noticed a change between my parents because they started to not get along as well as they did before. No longer were they smiling at each eachother in the way you would to someone you cared deeply about. No longer did they laugh together as though someone would if you could see the world through their eyes. I felt my life was crumbling to pieces at such a young age, and there was nothing I could do about

Driving down the interstate with my brother and girlfriend while my parents and younger brothers drove along behind me, I was starting the journey into the rest of my life. We pulled onto campus and many of the current students helped move all of my belongings into the old rooms of Pembroke Hall. After a few hours of rearranging and settling myself in we hit the town. The rest of my day was spent with my girlfriend and family eating dinner, going shopping, and spending a few moments together before they had to leave. After hours of fun, loving conversations and one incredible meal it was time to say goodbye. This was the first difficult step in what became a surprisingly difficult first week. Homesickness never came to mind when thinking of college, but soon enough I learned that that was going to be a large part of the beginning experience. I tried my hardest and made it through the first week unscarred, for the most part. However, home was calling my name. I loaded up a bag and made my way to the highway. As I made my way down the interstate in my old Ford I tuned my radio to the first country station I could and that is when I heard it. F.G.L.’s May Was All was playing through the load speakers. Immediately drawn in, I was careful to listen to the words. It is rare for lyrics to speak to me directly in such a way, but these lyrics were

My background goes from the island of Puerto Rico, to the country of El Salvador. As I get more in detail of my family you will discover we are not your average “Brady Bunch”. Were quite the opposite, even though I am beyond blessed with the family I have been given, we are as screwed up as they come. It was my first day of kindergarten when I came home to find out my parents were separating and getting a divorce. My life went into a tailspin. Growing up my father was always part of the picture financially. He was always a pay check at the beginning of the month. He was never there for what I felt were important life moments. As the years were to come my mom took care of my brothers and I. My brothers who were angry with my father lashed out by getting involved with the wrong crowds, and drugs. The weight of the family of fell on Victor. There were several factors that majorly effected my life. One of them being I was molested at the age of eight. So I went to very dark place. My parents were divorced, my brothers were giving my mother more than she imagined, and then I was molested. My childhood was robbed from me, it

When we moved, I found comfort in my new window. It didn’t face east. It wasn’t nearly as large. Still, I’d open the window and lay with my head at the foot of the bed so that I could watch the stars and listen to the sounds of the night. Moving was not my decision. Leaving my beautiful house with my beautiful windows was not something I wanted to do. I felt distraught, and in my moments of sorrow, I turned to the

I was a good student and she did not play about school work and grades. If I brought papers home with anything less than a B she was going off. Saying things like you have Grape Nuts (the cereal that looks like little pebbles) for a brain. Basically tearing me down for not meeting her standard. She’d go in, if my dad was around he’d shut her down, but then they’d get to arguing and fighting (actually fighting one another, they fought often about everything. He stabbed her with a fork. She beat him with a table, and pulled out a gun) A crazy childhood, like a lot of people; no pity party though ( Even when he would come for visit and they has been separated for years they would fight each other). Once my parents separated the verbal abuse was more often (calling me out of my name etc.). My mother is very particular about her house, it has to look immaculate at all time (even now). How you going to have an immaculate house when you have two kids? If anything was messed up, I would get in trouble, not my brother who may have done it. We were treated differently. She would beat me until I’m whelped up. Drag me down this long hall in our house at that time by my hair, choke me (you get the point). Here I am as an elementary school age kid asking myself why does this women who is supposed to love me and care for me treat me like this. Just like with your dad she wasn’t all bad,

We had many experiences together as I said before. One I remember most is when we always met and went to Obey River in Pickett county. We went all through the summer, we always knew what out plans were going to turn out to be. We would start by always playing in the water while our parents would get the cookout stuff together. We enjoyed every minute we spent together.

Home is everything, even if you have nothing. In their song Home, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros define home in its entirely. “Ah, home / let me come home / Home is wherever I’m with you.” As illuminated, home is intangible.

It was just me and him, we did everything together. After my mom left us, it was just me and him. He took care of me. He brought me to my friends house. He signed the papers of the tests I failed. It was just me and him. And I was happy with it like this.

Has life been good to me? That’s a good question, Life has not been that good to me. I had my ups and downs. More downs than ups but I made it through them. Some downs we’re harder to get through than others. My life has not been good to me but I have my friends and family that help me through it. The past few years haven’t been the best between almost losing my mom to depression, not being able to see my Dad from him abusing me to doing drugs. I remember one time he came home from work and was acting strangely. He went upstairs to talk to my stepmom. My stepsisters and I were sitting on the couch watching TV. All of a sudden we heard screaming so we ran upstairs. I saw my Dad on top of my Stepmom choking her. We all ran over to them and tried

There are good days and bad days but sometimes bad more than good. When we focus on the bad days that takes away the positive things in life. I have the world's best parents all they want to see me do is succeed but I have let them down. It makes me mad when I let my parents down because I know I could do better but I do not. When I was younger I was depressed and was not happy. My mom tried so many different counselors and nothing ever worked. No one could change me I had to change myself.

A few months later I met my best friend Valentina who lived right across the street. We would always have the best time together. Whether it was playing with our little Claire's makeup or making cookies we would always have a good time. It finally started feeling like home again and I didn’t really think about my old life. But as soon as it started to feel like home again I had to move. My best friend Valentina had moved back to Peru so I wasn’t really bothered by the idea of moving since all the good times I had with her were gone. I remember packing up the house and moving into an actual house. I was so excited to move into that little grey three bedroom house. I lived in that house for multiple years and I had a lot of good times there. I didn’t really have a

“She was pretending in church. Pretending to be happy so people wouldn’t worry about her. Or ask what was wrong. She doesn’t want anyone to know how she feels” (Day 73). My favorite book, Tall Tales by Karen Day, has many quotes that accurately describes the situation that is my life. These quotes may not be seen to be the happiest ones, but neither has my home life been. My mom has always told me that I must put our good and bad memories on an imaginary scale and see which one outweighs the other one. I lie while telling her that my good side outweighs the bad side.