Reflection Paper

When I first decided to expand my education, it had been so long since I had been to school, and I was very hesitant. I talked at length about my decision with my husband and with his encouragement, decided to enroll but still was not quite sure which degree program to enroll in. I knew that this was something that I had always wanted to do since I obtained my Associates Degree in Nursing, but I did not have the courage, nor did I want to give up the time with my family and children. I second guessed my abilities and my knowledge because it had been so long since I had been in college. Now that my children are about to graduate high school and

Years ago, I had to go to my biological father’s house during the summer. He had three children, Wyatt, who was 16, Devin, who was 13, and Colton, who was 12. I used to like going to his house during the summer, but after a while it got boring and I saw unfair treatment among his children. I didn’t want to go to his house anymore, so I talked to him about it. That conversation changed my life for the better.

When a child loses a parent their world is turned upside down. Childhood grief is such a painful experience, yet it often goes underestimated because as children grow most physicians, educators or clergy are unable to recognize the signs of depression, loneliness or isolation in grieving children. Statistics show that one in nine Americans lose a parent before the age of 20 (Zaslow, 2012). Death of either parent is devastating, but the death of a father leaves children wondering who will take care of them. Fathers are seen as the protectors in our society, they are the ones who provide the money and stability for a family. Not only that, but fathers are the spiritual head of the family and when that disappears the dynamics change.

Experts say that traumatic events that occur during your childhood affect your entire brain development. Hence, what we experience as children shape us into who we will be as adults. I have found that aspects of my life are based on this theory. At the age of five, I lost my father to stomach cancer. Thus, for the majority of my life I have been fatherless. While my entire family has been very supportive and forth coming with aid, there are few ways that the effect a father has on a girl’s life, or lack thereof, can be repaired. Losing him in adolescence has definitely negatively affected me, but good things came out of this tragedy, too. Being fatherless has shaped my life in negative and positive ways.

A child losing their parent is a terrible thing. It is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. To grow up without someone to teach you how to ride a bike or tie your shoes? To never be able to attend Bring-Your-Child-To-Work Day? Those missed experiences are haunting reminders of “what could have been.”

Growing up, I never fully understood the significance of having my parents around. Seldom did I fully cherish spending time with them, or showed them that I appreciated the things they did for me. I always thought that my relationship and time with them was certain. With this mentality, I never learned to be grateful for my family and the opportunities they’ve given me. Not once had it occurred to me that there was a possibility that at any moment, I could lose them unexpectedly. However, at the age of twelve, the mindset I held with me completely altered, when my father was diagnosed with acute lymphocytic leukemia.

My dad, for as long as I can remember, has always been a big part of my life. All throughout middle and high school we would have heart to heart conversations just father and son. I can remember the warmth of the fire, the taste of tea on the tip of my tongue, a cool midnight breeze blowing in carrying the scent of grass and fresh rain, my dad sitting across the room telling me about the different projects he was working on, and regaling me with advice to help in everyday life. One night, he told me something that would change my life forever: that all the different clubs, hobbies, and sports that I do are connected to each other in some way, and how each skill I gain from each of these different activities can be filed away to use in a later

As a young girl, I never quite understood the importance my dad’s job had on me until I became much older. Throughout my childhood I was often mistreated out of the sight of my parents. From brutal words to simple exclusion, I never really fit in at my church. I was constantly separated from all of the children because I was the Pastor’s

In the years following my parents’ divorce, I discovered who my parents were as people, and not just as my mom and dad. Regrettably, I found that my father used to not be a very respectable man. Finding that out came about with living with him, my three brothers, one sister, and his new wife with an anger problem the size of Alaska. I distinctly remember one night. I’d had enough and I couldn’t do anything but get down on my knees and pray.

One of the earliest memories I have of my father is when he would take me to the park and we would play baseball. My father was eager to teach me everything he knew about the game, and I was eager to learn. He took it easy on me at first, allowing me to overcome my fear of being hit by the ball. Each time we went back to the park he would throw the ball a little harder. It was not long

That everyday I would wake up ,and would either be so sad all I wanted to do is cry or I would just hate the world. I told him I could never bring myself to commit suicide ,but I had absolutely no motivation to live. He was there for me. My dad did not threaten to send me away , he listened and agreed with some statements on mine about my view of the world. Now two months later I have an indomitable smile. I am now in counseling and getting help for what I needed , because of my “ father” I am alive.

To me, fathers were people who left you, hurt you, and were completely unreliable. So I prayed vastly, timidly, even cautiously, to the universe with the real hope in my heart that whatever was true would find me. I passionately wanted to know God and pursued Him with all my might. I begged Him to answer me with the truth of where my best friend was. I needed to confirm my suspicions that there was something out there that mattered more than living, dying, and turning into dust. His response took me much further than my quest on the afterlife, resonated through my whole soul, and changed me in a way that I still struggle to put into words: “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” - John 3:16 With that verse, Jesus answered me with love, compassion and a healing touch. I felt true happiness and began to value myself for the first time. Perhaps most importantly for the purposes of my time at Colorado Christian University, He blessed me with an enormous appetite for His Word. This helped me understand and establish my academic and educational goals based on His plan for my

Ever since the night with Joey, my sister’s father, my mother and her boyfriend, at the time, began to drink more and more every night. My mother was already an alcoholic, a cheater, and a liar, and she had been for most of my childhood. I believe what drove my sister’s father ton this action was the fact that my mom started seeing someone behind his back, and then broke up with him after she was already dating another man. This new boyfriend, Donald, seemed to be a good respectable man in the beginning, but then things took a turn for the worst. Donald began to drink like my mother, and he would hurt her behind closed doors.

I remember one day asking my father why it was that he pushed me so hard and seemed to always expect the best out of me. Upon saying this I saw a softness enter his eyes, one that I had seen before, but in some way one that made me feel sadden as I suddenly saw the age enter his face. I knew he was going to say

As I tell my life story it is hard to reminisce back at the failures and those misunderstood thoughts. I am starting to realize that the pain I faced was supposed to make me into a man, since my father was not there. I don’t blame him for not being there because it was my mother’s decision to leave him when I was four to eight months year old, while my older brother Norman was four years old. My mother had dated my father since they were kids in Jr High School. I know they loved each other but my father was insecure because the beauty that my mother had. He was afraid that she would leave him or was