Scarlet Red Monologue

“There, we can see your beautiful face again,” she says, depositing the washcloth into the murky water, and extracts the bandages and tape from the medical kit. “It's not bleeding, but knowing you, you'll figure a way to open it up again.” She grins.

it killed me to accept that i was such an ugly person. That i managed to push away everyone that I truly cared about. Did you see? How perfectly I played it? Like it didn't even hurt... like I was tired of the tedious speeches i had to go through everyday; telling you that I didn't want you or that you never mattered to me. And you actually had the guts to believe it all. If you could see my insides screaming at me, if you could, for a second peak at my dying heart, to just get a glimpse you would understand the monstrous act I play every time we see each other. But aggravate all you want, this beast only does this for its own protection. Who are you to think that you can just come here and change my rules? to bend my lifestyles? To make me a poet?

Great, no one said she couldn't but her being traumatized still makes no sense if she's not traumatized by all the other shit.

I just wanted to blend in. They turned around. They were all wearing the same neon pink colored items. That looks like a gang if i’ve ever seen one I thought to myself.

It’s been three weeks, two days and 3 hours since you shattered every feeling I had for you. The simple question ‘how are you?’ is drowned by the recurring song of your haunting voice saying “We’re done”... yet you still remind me of home. The train rides spent with your head on my shoulder, my thumb rubbing the back of your hand. The random road trips, with the sun giving light of

“You’re smoking weed?” she asks, her voice thick with the pain I cause. She tries to hide it, but I see it. My actions rips her heart out. I don’t know how to not let her down, how to not let everyone down. Letting people down is the story of my life. That’s who I am.

I can’t believe they volunteered. I wonder if they are as uncertain as I am. I wonder if their fingers shake as they tighten the nine straps distributed over his body, completely immobilizing the man I know only as The Condemned. I don’t know what he’s done. I don’t know who he is. The letter held his name, but I have gone through some pains to drive it from my mind and have done an excellent job of keeping myself out of the loop. I know only that he has been called upon to die for his crimes, and that is all I want to know. It helps me keep my distance; having no knowledge of his conviction makes it easier for me to treat him as a job and easier for me to treat him as a man. I hope my hands will be steady when I push the needle through the

My eyes are wide open now , I see how I was used and treated . I can't describe all your lies , I feel all the pain and beatings I won't miss you anymore. It's time to move on without goodbyes and ignore all the bad memories . This use to be a second home to me , but now its just pitched black , I wonder if anybody will miss me or even know I'm gone , I'll stay far away till I'm ready to come back . All the times it was your way , the reason I left and didn't want to stay . I feel free and more independent , myself is real and no longer fake . Being there all those years was a big mistake . When its time to knock at the door , will you let me back in or push me down to the floor. You were my home away from home , I've thought all of the shit

I honestly have no idea where your head is, how you feel about me, or what you want from me. It’s hard not to assume the worst. It drives me insane trying to sleep at night, instead envisaging that you’re holding someone else. I can’t not cry when I assume that you’re going about your day and I don’t cross your mind once or that you’re happier without me in your life. I think those thoughts more often

Losing you has changed me in so many ways. I wish I could go back in time and have a conversation with you about this. I get it now. I get the look in your eyes when you would look at me so earnestly and tell me that I had to put myself first. That unimportant things didn’t matter. That life was short. It weighed on you every.single.day. and god I wish I could have grabbed your shoulders and looked you square in the eye and told you that I got it. For you to have been seen and understood 100% in that moment. But life only makes sense in hindsight.

Maybe I shouldn’t have tried to make it work, but it’s too late now— I’m attached. I start to wonder if a friendship is worth more than a boy, but I didn’t make that decision, she did. Apart from my lost appetite I think I’m gonna be okay, I know I’m gonna be okay.

Seeing you everyday and making memories that I know I won’t ever forget, us texting from 10 am to 3 in the morning daily, and making promises that later would be broken. I shouldn’t have been so naive. I should have kept my guards up because you broke me. You left me scarred, and as cliche as that sounds, it’s true. I’m completely different now. You tore every feeling from my soul and didn’t give it back. What made you change on me? What did I do wrong for you to stop loving me? I was so dependant on that love. I needed that love. I had such a strong endearment for you, but you just took that away too. You promised me you wouldn’t change but you did. You actually made me believe for once I could be loveable. Not just in a romantic way, but just in general, because no one has ever made me feel loved. Not my mom, not my dad, not anyone. Until you came along to give me light in my dark, dark world. You soon became a burned out lightbulb, and left me in the dark once again. I just want you to know though, that my love for you was

Glass shards were bombarding an oval cocoon of forcefield from a sideway, like a flurry of silver daggers. Rattling thuds accompanied an appearance of annular, cyan ripples on a disturbed surface of imperishable shield. In a vivid spectacle of violent manifestation and imminent annihilation, crystals dispersed into a fog of shimmering dust, concealing a shallow grave.

I hate to see how much all of it affects you. I hate to see you cry when it all hurts you. But you never even try to help yourself. You don’t even try to be happy. I hate that you make me do everything all the time. I always have to be the adult. I am always the one who cooks and cleans and makes sure that the dogs are fed. You don’t even understand what it's like to be a 14 year old that can’t go to her boyfriends baseball games since she has to be at home making sure that you guys are okay. I hate that you do this shit to me. I hate that we are going through the same shit but I’m the one that has to be the grown

You’d know even though she’s messed up so many times, I still love her. I am a kind hearted person, it’s hard for me to hold a grudge. I’m a very quiet person, but my mind is like a hurricane of thoughts. Even though i’ve gone through a lot in my 16 years of living, I’ve overcome the bad stuff. I’ve turned all of the hate, negativity, depression, anxiety, loneliness, into motivation to succeed in life. I want to go to college. I want to have fun. I want to get a job that I love. I want to be smart, to be happy, to be me. I want to be independent.