The Grey Area Narrative

It seemed like a normal day at the time, the sun was shining, the waves crashed on the shore, steady and reassuring. I did a lot of thinking that day. I thought of my future, of what I wanted to accomplish in life.Only now I realize that it wasn’t a normal day at all. It was the day I decided to graduate early.

When I graduated high school I had no idea what I wanted to do, all I knew is I was done with public school and could live my life as what I thought an adult was. My father and most of my family believed it was important for me to go to college, and get a kick start with my life. Though they weren’t wrong, I had no idea what I wanted to do and no discipline to do my studies to the full extent of my abilities.

Nine years ago, I never could have imagined I’d be writing this essay. I was a senior in high school, and, like the rest of my classmates, I was apprehensive about the future. Unlike my classmates, I felt like I had missed the proverbial “you need to get your life together” message. I watched my classmates apply to colleges, their majors already decided and their future careers mapped out. While I was an above average student, I felt I lacked the decisiveness my classmates seemed to have. I did not feel passionate about a career or even a field of study. I felt defective. This was compounded by the financial strain I knew attending college would have on my family. It seemed wasteful to try to “find my passion” at school while squandering

After barely graduating in the spring of 2017 from Lopez Early College High School, I went straight to my parent’s house not knowing exactly what I was going to do with my life. I knew I had ruined my life after not paying attention to my teachers and counselors about applying to colleges. They said I was a wonderful and intelligent student with a tremendous capacity of succeeding in life. Although everybody thought that about me, I never did. I was constantly under pressure thinking that I had to work in order to support my family economically, so our house was saved. I was also worried about whether my parents were getting divorced after every insignificant argument they had. I had to be an excellent example for my two younger siblings; but even though I tried my best, I never was.

Some people grow up knowing exactly what they want to do; I, on the other hand, do not know exactly what career path I am going to take, but I have learned that is okay. I went through most of high school presuming that I had to have my life planned out by my senior year and I recently realized that was an unrealistic expectation to put on myself.

I Remember my freshman year like it was just yesterday, I wanted to be a welder just like my dad. I even went through all of Ms.Negal steps for success class finding all the information about a welding career and what it would take to become a welder, but I was also looking at career in business to I just wasn’t saving anything like the welding career. After my freshman year, my parents got separated. I decided to live with my mom. That was my first big step of not being like my dad. My next year of high school I didn’t really focus on any career in specific it was a debating period of what I want to become. When February finally rolled around I decided to sign up for a few classes in the business department instead of industrially tech classes.

Being an older, non-traditional college student with 36 years of life experience behind me I thought I had my life figured out. Academically, I would take the degrees that I already have, coupled with the joint Bachelor’s degree I am about to receive from St. Mary’s University, go to law school earn my J.D. Become a practicing attorney and watch the life I have always wanted start to unfold. When given this assignment however, I began to seriously question myself about my passions in life and an immense dissonance overwhelmed me. Nearing 40 years old, I have felt for some time, that I should have in order what I want to do with my degrees and my life for that matter. If I was honest with myself, I do not and therefore, began to do a lot

As a child I had always loved school. I loved to learn and dreamed about graduating high school, going off to college and having the time of my life and then having an amazing job. As I grew older this dream became more of a reality and something I started having to think about practically. During my junior year of high school, I finally had to start thinking about what I wanted to do with my life, do I want to be a nurse or teacher or maybe a lawyer? After talking it over I landed on becoming a librarian because of my love of books and I enjoy the quiet, calming sense that comes with library’s. For the next year I went deep into research mode learning whatever I could about becoming a librarian. My computer was filled with information about

Although my life is not like those of a typical teenager’s, I am and will be forever grateful for all that my parents had provided me. For providing me with love and care, for raising me to become a disciplined individual, for providing me with the inspiration that I need when I fail at times, and most importantly, for finding the courage to send me off to college even without the full financial ability to. I am proud of my international background, of my parents, of my heritage and myself for finding the courage

I started my college education in the nursing field. I was convinced that this is what I wanted to do with my life. Well, three years into college I decided nursing was not what I wanted to do. At that point, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I was limited on time and had to choose a new major so I went with sport and exercise science. I had no idea what I was going to do with that but it didn’t sound too bad. Two years later I graduated with my bachelor’s degree. So four years pass by and I realize that my degree was probably not the best choice for me. I couldn’t find a job, nor did any of the possible jobs peak my interest. I was getting really unhappy in life with my mediocre job and the noninterest in my degree. My boyfriend told me that I should look at going back to school, however, this time he suggested I look into occupational therapy.

I paced back and forth as I waited for my turn to go on stage. It was graduation day and it was only a matter of seconds before I had to give my valedictorian speech. I was going to have to say goodbye to the school that had the biggest impact in my life.

Graduation is an exciting time in a person’s life, especially a high school graduation. When I think of family and friends gathering together to celebrate a joyous occasion, I feel I accomplished my strongest goal. It never occurred to me that graduation would be the end of my youth and the start of adulthood. Graduating from high school was an influential event that gave me an altered outlook on my existence. Life before graduation, preparing for graduation day, and commencement day overwhelmed me for reality.

Monday, May 16th, graduation day. It’s 5:37 in the morning and I remember this cause I never wake up earlier than 8 unless I have to, but today I didn’t have to. It’s the day culminating twelve years of hard work and dedication into a three hour ceremony in which I will actually have to do something with my life other than a routine I believe I’ve perfected throughout these last four years. I roll over and pick up my phone, a dim light comes through a slit in my window shades just to remind me how early it actually is. I can’t fall back asleep so I decide to get out of bed. I sit up on my bed rubbing my eyes trying to make sense of the room around me, I may have lived here for 18 years but I can never find the cord to my ceiling light. I

Have you ever made a plan, on paper or in your head about your future? If so, you are part of the 80% that did! However, are you ever going to put your plan in action when the time comes? Without a plan, you don’t really have a future. Yes, obviously you’ll grow up, but you won’t really know what job to get or what courses to take in post-secondary to accomplish your goals. To lead a successful life, you absolutely need a plan, if you don’t have a perfectly thought out plan, you must at least have and idea of what you want to do. To totally receive happiness in life you can’t just “go with the flow,” it’s not ideal and you won’t end up where you want to.

This is exactly what happened to me. I had my whole life planned out. I would graduate, get a job, go to college, and get my master in psychology; and have my own office by the age of was twenty-five. However, I didn’t graduate, I got my GED, and I became a parent so I didn’t go to college. Instead I worked to provide for my children, my whole world was about providing a stable home and being a good mother to my children. So my previous life plan took a different course and my dreams went on the back burner. I had an accident that took away my ability to do anything really physical and I had to change my career. I decided it was time to go back to school. My children are grown now so I have the time to focus on myself and recapture those dreams I set aside twenty four years ago. College here I come!