Internal Comments:
No. While the piece presents a chilling and jarring image, it is ridden with grammatical and stylistic errors and is quite repetitive.
To the First Reader:
Dear Annie Fan, thank you for your commentary on submission 9949 (“The Warrior’s Legacy”).
Your comments are thorough and helpful to the reader. I was particularly impressed on how for each comment, you included something you liked about the phrase, what a modification the author could use in order to improve the phrase, and a generalization that could be applied to ameliorate the piece as a whole. Your comments about consistent structure and reducing repetition were incredibly insightful! In addition, your general comments will help the author work on the overall
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I feel as though the words are rather synonymous, and it is unlikely that most people will be able to understand what “brumal” means. This would detract from the reader’s comprehension and appreciation of the piece particularly because “brumal” is in the piece’s very first line. Thus, I recommend you consider replacing “brumal” with “wintry” or a more colloquial synonym.
L2 - The correct idiomatic phrasing is “blanket of fog” rather than “fog blanket”.
L3-4 - The image presented in this line is beautifully written-it is eerie and haunting, just like the light of the moon. However, I feel as though this sentence reads as a bit of a run-on; as a result, I would recommend rephrasing it or breaking it up into multiple sentences. One possible restructuring could be as follows: “The moon shone eerily and brightly. Its revealing and ghostly light pierced through the skin and souls of most men, but this was no ordinary man. He was a mighty warrior of the north.”
L5 - The latter half of this phrase is a run-on; in order to be grammatically correct, you should make a separation between “dead” and “he” - whether it be a period or a semi-colon, rather than simply a
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The placing of the piece in an entire block comes across as a little jarring to the reader, and may detract from their enjoyment of the piece by giving them a negative first impression. In addition, I would recommend combing through the piece for grammatical errors. Many of your sentences are run-ons or incomplete sentences wherein a semi-colon or complete break in the sentence should be used in place of the comma that you have used. I have addressed a few of these grammatical issues in the specific comments, but have stopped around line 12 of your piece and would recommend that you take up the task from there
Over 900,000 veterans live in Ohio alone and many of them are in need of help after returning from war. Wags 4 Warriors is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organisation with a goal to provide veterans with service dogs to ease the strain of daily life. The largest struggle that many veterans face today is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which is an affliction caused by a terrifying event. Wags 4 Warriors is not only a service dog organisation but also a support system for the veterans and their families. We provide the dogs and training at no cost to the veterans themselves and many of the dogs are rescued
The piece was very clear and easy to ready. I appreciated how you blended the answers together so that it provided a interesting piece instead of something that sounded like simply question and answer. Furthermore, your syntax was wonderful. The only comment would be that more details or justifications would have been highly beneficial.
“Our Own Warrior Princes” written by Maureen Dowd, appeared in the New York Times on June 1, 2003. Dowd writes about her niece Jennifer donating organ to her uncle, Michael. She explains how her niece went through a complicated and risky surgery, and how strong and brave Jennifer has been to face them. She compares her braveness to undergo surgery like Xena the Warrior Princes. The author brings in awareness to Americans that there are thousands of people who need organ donors. This story was specifically for people who are scared and reluctant to donate organ for people who really needed them. Dowd tells us how people refuse to mention even though they have signed up their donor card or mention their identity as an organ donor.
Why after 50 years since the segregation of Central High School, do people of color still face challenges of racism? Long before the segregation of schools, people have faced many instances of discrimination because of the color of their skin. These same prejudice acts still continue today. This nation has yet created a workable plan for solving the gruesome acts of racism because of ineffective protesting, the influence societies have on individuals, and social media.
I have seen and known so many racists in my life. I am not friends with these people because being racist is horrible just like being sexist and homophobic. One of the biggest examples of racism is Nikky. Nikky used to ride though the bad side of town and see how many blacks and Mexicans she could make angry. I tried my best to distance myself from that type of person. I have also been in fights with racist black kids. I was called dirt by some black girl. She also hit me so I being in 3rd grade got very mad. I backed up really far .She smirked and must of thought “Haha I won”. Then I put my arms out and ran full speed and pushed into a wall.It turns out a broke her arm and thats why she never came around my house.While I geuss I over reacted to what happened.Keep in mind I was like 8 and didn’t know I could hurt her that bad.
The theme of “voiceless woman” throughout the book “the woman warrior” is of great importance. Maxine Kingston narrates several stories in which gives clear examples on how woman in her family are diminished and silenced by Chinese culture. The author not only provides a voice for herself but also for other women in her family and in her community that did not had the opportunity to speak out and tell their stories.
Heike Monogatari, with its multitude of battles and skirmishes, provides a wonderful chance to analyze the way of the warrior in ancient Japan. There aren't a great number of surviving works from this period that show in such great detail both the brute and the compassion of the Japanese warriors. They followed carefully a distinct set of principles which made up the well-rounded warrior. Loyalty to one's master, bravery and glory in any situation, strength, martial skills, compassion, and interest in the arts were all held with the highest esteem. Few warriors could become well known without possessing each of these skills. Religious beliefs shaped a warrior's behavior tremendously.
The book The Warrior Ethos, by Steven Pressfield depicts the warrior’s mentality from ancient times to the present through a variety of different aspects and stories. In The Warrior Ethos, Pressfield states that men are not born with the certain qualities that make a good warrior, but instead are inculcated through years of training and indoctrination, stating at an early age. He goes on to show how different societies have been able to instill the same or very similar ideals throughout history while maintaining their own unique characteristics. Things have changed from ancient Sparta where parents would be enthusiastic about their children going to war, and even more elated
The team must face their toughest mission yet: take down a massive human-trafficking ring and a corrupt Venezuelan spy agency—without leaving a trace.
Once upon a time in the plains of Texas lived a strong warrior named Brawn. Brawn was more than a warrior he was considered a God by most because of his many abilities. Brawn had the strength to do anything along with the intelligence to solve any problem he was a remarkable engineer and highly respected by the people from his village.
This is a different sort of Pressfield book. Unlike the historical fiction genre in which he’s written such best-sellers as “Gates of Fire,” “The Afghan Campaign, and “The Profession,” “The Warrior Ethos” is the culmination of years of discussions Pressfield’s been having with Marines and others who were taken with the blend of courage-under-fire and humanity shown by Leonidas, Dienekes, Matthais, Gent, and the other characters in his books. “I wanted to give something back to our men and women fighting overseas,” Pressfield told Gazette, so I put together the best anecdotes and stories from all my research about the Spartans, Alexander's Macedonians, the Romans, and Rommel.”
TO BILLY: No. The poem’s ideas-while unique and intriguingly written-are largely disparate, and do not combine at the end to provide a larger picture for the reader. It largely feels disjointed, and I would recommend for the author to flesh out the poem more before it is re-considered for submission.
I summation, I think this piece is truly of note to art historians. Above, I have highlighted some reasons I think this is the case.
In this chapter, we learn some basic things about the main character, Melba, and we know that she is born on December 7th, 1941. Melba's birth was a complicated one, but she eventually made a full recovery and on top of all of that, Melba also had to go through the harsh reality of segregation when she was five years old.
I decided to look at the main features of the difficult poem one more time and find any