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Humorous and Sentimental Wedding Speech by the Groom Essay

Decent Essays
Humorous and Sentimental Wedding Speech by the Groom

I was going to begin with "ladies and gentlemen" but on looking around I'm glad I didn't. So here goes.

Distinguished guests, those of lesser distinction, and those of no distinction at all, family relatives, new and old, in-laws and out-laws, friends, friends of friends, and freeloaders, welcome to our wedding reception.

First of all I would like to thank my brothers and my new sister for their kind words.

I did have a speech all worked out for this special occasion, but of course now that I'm a married man, she has told me what to say instead. So here goes:

On behalf of my wife - and I suppose I'm going to have to get used to saying that ?I would like to start by
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This whole day, and everything else you have given us, has been so overwhelming. We never expected all of this and you have both made us feel very special. I'm sure everyone will agree what a fantastic display it has been so far. I would like to thank you most importantly for giving me your blessing to marry your beautiful and intelligent daughter. I hope that you don't feel that you've lost a daughter, but that you have gained another mouth to feed and someone to clean up after. [Pause.] By the way dad. I have not forgotten. I'll sign the receipt for you. Dad has written out a receipt for me.

It says: Received one daughter in perfect condition, fully guaranteed, fully warranted. Comes complete with extras. Keep topped up with expensive jewelry, and lubricate well with fine wines. Service regularly with lavish trips to exotic and faraway places.

Warning: has a tendency to get irritable if doesn't. have the final say on everything. Thanks. I?ll keep that in mind. Care notes: gets bored easily, keep busy with a constant supply of chores. Hey I could do that!

Not to be outdone, my dad has written out a receipt for my wife as well. It reads:

Received one son, sold as seen, no refunds under any circumstances. We've redecorated the room and changed the locks, so you're stuck with him.

Care notes: dehydrates easily, top up
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