I Can 't Determine First Time I Ever Felt Shame

Profoundly interpersonal, the experience of shame is also therefore social and cultural. Shame is the result of feeling deficient, whether in relation to a parent, an admired friend, or a more powerful social group (39).

Esperanza’s situation is a reminder that shame can have a positive effect on people’s lives by being a source of motivation and inspiration.

Have you ever felt so ashamed that you have become ashamed of who you are becoming? Shame is always reminding people it is a soul eating disease. For instance, in the book The Kite Runner Baba and Amir are so caught up in their shame they can hardly stand each other. In the beginning of the novel Baba pays no attention to Amir and by the end of the novel Amir realizes why his father paid no attention to him. We can become a changed person by facing our shame and allowing it to remain in the past while we move on to our future.

When studying shame, Brené Brown (2006) found that many people brought up feelings of being trapped. These same people felt as though others had the same feelings of being trapped but still had difficulty sharing these feelings. The areas that most women had shame about were their body image, sexuality, parenting, their job, religion, aging, speaking out, surviving trauma, family, and motherhood (Brown, 2006) These same topics were the most common in the sessions I sat in on and in group. Many counselors at Mindful Soul specialized in areas such a trauma, parenting, and family due to how often they are the root causes of a clients visit.

From the time children are entered into preschool, they are expected- for the most part- to do their best and be proud of it. One child’s best could be another child’s worst, and that other child’s best could be totally impossible for the first child. If everyone is doing their version of the best work possible, then could perfection ever possibly be achieved? It is a generally accepted truth that the answer to this question is an obvious and resounding no. By definition, a perfect human does not exist. However, humans are constantly striving towards this goal despite their knowing that it is impossible. The constant striving brings people closer and closer to the impossible goal but leaves them just shy of reaching it. This close-but-not-quite-there ending means a life that it is almost perfect. A life almost straight.

When you strive for perfection, failure is inevitable. Some things are unattainable, and a perfect appearance

Shame clearly takes a toll on the emotions, thoughts and actions of the person affected, no matter how big or small the issue one dealt with is. Emotions can affect someone

Dr. Sandra D. Wilson (2001) asks, “Have you ever felt as if you were the only caterpillar in a butterfly world? Do you often feel as if you have to do twice as much to be half as good as other” (p. 16)? If you answered, yes, then that is what Wilson (2001) calls binding shame. “Shame is the soul-deep belief that something is horribly wrong with me that is not wrong with anyone else in the entire world. If I am bound by shame, I feel hopelessly, distinguishingly different and worthless (p. 16).

Society experienced to achieve perfection in many ways, almost since the beginning of humanity, and is almost impossible so many attempts fail and cause severe consequences. In “the perfect match” by Ken Liu, short story and “Harrison Bergeron” by Kurt Vonnegut, short story. Perfection is people ignoring what really matter. People are not unique anymore because society is limiting with an idea of what is not accepted or normal is not perfect. Societies’ desire of perfection makes people go desperate and feel alone.

Shame is rarely—if ever—the presenting problem for clients entering therapy. It is, however, frequently a complication that occurs alongside the presenting problem. Because shame is almost never the only problem, it is important that therapists know how to work with it in the context of other problems; therapists need a way of dealing with their clients’ shame and addressing related disorders at the same time. They must be able to find ways to decrease the immediate negative reactions of shame during therapy. Such reactions of shame include wanting to run away, hide, or withdraw (Fable, 1999), which may defeat therapy before it begins.

Living with the power of shame can either destroy you or either give you the courage to move forward. Khaled Hosseini’s book “The Kite Runner” is a very powerful book. It just might have you thinking if you’ve ever thought something was shameful.

Brown (2006) examined the empirical foundations for shame resilience theory (SRT) that offer the definition of shame and a conceptual identity for shame. This SRT describes the concerns of women experiencing shame of which she identified the strategies and processes of how vulnerable women develop shame resilience. She identified the various processes and strategies women use to develop shame resilience. In this article Brown described theoretically, the understanding of vulnerability, critical awareness and mutually empathetic relationships, including the concept of “speaking shame.” Brown also explored the practiced implications including the importance of psychoeducational group work. From the results of research, she defined shame as “an intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.”

“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change”(Brené Brown). In The Scarlet Letter, by Nathaniel Hawthorne, a woman is publicly shamed for having a child with a man who is not her husband. Another example of public shame can be seen in modern day articles “Florida ‘Scarlet Letter’ Law is Repealed by Gov. Bush,” by Dana Canedy, and “Houston Couple Gets ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Treatment.” Both talk of public shame that people have had to endure in the present day. Public shaming is not an effective punishment because it is a cruel and unusual punishment, it does not deter crime, and it can emotionally traumatize the one being shamed.

Remember the times where you assumed you weren 't "perfect" or good enough. How about the times when you could never do anything right for once. Well, I completely relate. Perfection is something us humans want to cope in our daily lives. We see perfection as an ideal way for us to succeed and achieve in growth. Well, life is for us to learn from our failures. I stretch out to perfection because I feel like it’s the genuine way achieve our long-term purposes. As of today, we need to identify that no one is and will never be perfect, including me and that perfection doesn 't exist. Just because if someone thinks they are better than you that doesn 't mean they are perfect. Learning from our misunderstandings doesn 't make us failures, it

In every country in the world there are certain levels of shaming that every society has, where some countries have extreme shame than others. Shaming is form of criticism and judgement when an individual violates social or moral norms. Shaming fundamentally reacts our psychological need for acceptance and approval from either someone or the public. It is true that for centuries, shame has been given a negative name, but there is reason why shame has existed for a long time and why it will continue to exist in the future. Shaming should be part of society since it brings order and control, it causes people to reflect their wrong doing, and it creates a positive change that affects everyone. Shaming should be part of the society since shaming, most of the time, brings positive results.