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Living with Depression, Mania, and Medication Essay

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Living with Depression, Mania, and Medication

Depression joined my life shortly after I entered middle school and tagged on persistently through my adolescent years. At first, my sullen moods were brushed off as mere hormonal changes, but I quickly became aware there was something more behind them. The severity of depression is difficult to explain without personal thoughts and examples. I know that my depression is coming long before it sets in. There is a cloud of forewarning that starts to move in on the vibrancy of my thoughts and vision; the world becomes distorted and negative. Slowly, this bleakness moves in from the outside world down to the pit of my stomach where it creates a dark, menacing feeling that makes me want to …show more content…

The cloud of depression lifts, and the colors and elements of life appear optimistic and bright. The community becomes full of opportunities for change and involvement. I become extremely enthusiastic and join whatever organization serves my current purposes, and, often times, I join several at once. The beginning of mania is fun and full of energy; it is what I would imagine it is like to be completely content. However, this "contentment" turns out to be nothing more than a façade and fades as quickly as it appears. After days, weeks, or sometimes months, my mania begins to come to its peak. I start to feel as if I could take on impossible challenges and will do anything in my power to keep from admitting defeat. Sleep becomes an option that I do not wish to take on for more than a couple hours a night. In mania, people cannot spit out ideas fast enough, books do not read quick enough, and my attention span cannot focus long enough. My thoughts do not occur independently; instead, my mind will focus on four or five things at once. Life becomes hectic and confusing; I feel as if I am on a roller coaster that no one is driving. I become convinced that I am crazy. When it comes to this, I want to escape from life because I cannot keep up, and I cannot escape from this fast pace. It is in this blind panic that my mania reaches its climax. I have my worst anxiety attacks. In these attacks, I become irritated and angry with the world for alienating me in

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