Living with Depression, Mania, and Medication Essay

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Living with Depression, Mania, and Medication

Depression joined my life shortly after I entered middle school and tagged on persistently through my adolescent years. At first, my sullen moods were brushed off as mere hormonal changes, but I quickly became aware there was something more behind them. The severity of depression is difficult to explain without personal thoughts and examples. I know that my depression is coming long before it sets in. There is a cloud of forewarning that starts to move in on the vibrancy of my thoughts and vision; the world becomes distorted and negative. Slowly, this bleakness moves in from the outside world down to the pit of my stomach where it creates a dark, menacing feeling that makes me want to
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The cloud of depression lifts, and the colors and elements of life appear optimistic and bright. The community becomes full of opportunities for change and involvement. I become extremely enthusiastic and join whatever organization serves my current purposes, and, often times, I join several at once. The beginning of mania is fun and full of energy; it is what I would imagine it is like to be completely content. However, this "contentment" turns out to be nothing more than a façade and fades as quickly as it appears. After days, weeks, or sometimes months, my mania begins to come to its peak. I start to feel as if I could take on impossible challenges and will do anything in my power to keep from admitting defeat. Sleep becomes an option that I do not wish to take on for more than a couple hours a night. In mania, people cannot spit out ideas fast enough, books do not read quick enough, and my attention span cannot focus long enough. My thoughts do not occur independently; instead, my mind will focus on four or five things at once. Life becomes hectic and confusing; I feel as if I am on a roller coaster that no one is driving. I become convinced that I am crazy. When it comes to this, I want to escape from life because I cannot keep up, and I cannot escape from this fast pace. It is in this blind panic that my mania reaches its climax. I have my worst anxiety attacks. In these attacks, I become irritated and angry with the world for alienating me in

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